maria

19 // she

[marangho]

Every sigh between us

Is a taste I cannot forget

Every laugh a sugar I crave

And when we part, even briefly

I am left with your flavour lingering

A bittersweet ache

That only you can satisfy

[marangho]

There are days when silence feels like a promise

A place I return to

Where even the air refuses to name you

You live somewhere between thought and shadow

A pulse I can’t reach

A warmth that never lands on skin

I’ve learned to speak softly

So the world won’t hear your name escape me

It slips out sometimes

Not as sound

But as a tremor beneath my breath

A ghost brushing the walls of my chest

Sometimes I think I almost see you

In the reflection of still water

But it’s only my own wanting

Learning the shape of your absence

I’ve built a garden out of restraint

Everything here blooms backward

Petals folding in on themselves

Colors draining into quiet

The soil hums with things

That were never said aloud

I water it anyway

Every dawn, I pour the ache back into earth

Watch it drink what I cannot confess

You’d never know how many small deaths

It takes to look at you and smile

The garden grows wilder each day

Roots pressing against the ribs

Petals brushing the heart like apologies

And I wonder

If one day I will vanish into it

If I’ll become the silence itself

Something you pass by

Without ever realizing was once human

[marangho]

I want to be wanted

Not in the way that burns skin

But in the way that burns through bone

I want to be a prayer

Not a pulse

Let them write poems on my soul

Not maps on my body

Let him die hard for me

Before he lays a hand on me

Not out of drama

But devotion

I hate lust

It is greedy

It takes

It claws

It forgets your name

Once the fire dims

But love

True love

It waits by the door in winter

With bare hands

Just to be close

Let him carry my sorrows

As if they were relics

Press his forehead

To the cracks in my silence

And call it sacred ground

Let him tremble at my smile

As though I were an answered prayer

After years of drought

I don't want fingertips

Reaching for skin

I want a soul

Reaching for mine

Through the noise

Through the crowd

Choosing me every time

Like I'm the only thing

Worth believing in

Touch is too easy

But to acre for me

To weep for the thought of losing me

To shatter and never recover

That is the kind of love

I was built for

Let him bleed loyalty

Not hunger

Let him break for me

Without ever asking

For a piece of me in return

I was not made to be devoured

I was made to be adored

Until the end of him

And if he must reach for me

Let it be in prayer

Let it be on his knees

Not with hands

But with reverence

[marangho]

Yes, butterflies live a short life

But how they dance without apology

Wings kissed by sun

Unburdened by expectation

Never asked to stay in one place

Or make themselves smaller

To fit into someone else's sky

I wish I were like them

Not for the colors

Not for the wings

But for the freedom to drift

To land where I please

Without guilt trailing behind me

Like a shadow too heavy to shed

They do not beg to be understood

They do not explain why they fly away

They just go

Soft, sudden

Graceful

In their vanishing

And I am stitched to the ground

With all these years before me

By rules, by silence, by fears

Too old for my age

Sometimes I wonder

Is it better to live briefly and freely

Than to endure a life

Where your heart

Has no room to stretch its wings?

[marangho]

Vanilla

I put on vanilla-scented perfume

In the hopes

It will hide the dirty parts

I tuck behind my shoulders

The parts I never speak of

The parts they wrinkle their noses at

Even in silence

It’s a gentle scent

Warm, familiar

Like the kind of girl people don’t mind loving

The kind they’d take home

To meet their mother

Not the kind who flinches

When footsteps get too loud

Or keeps knives in her metaphors

Just in case

I wear it like armor

Sprayed on wrists, neck

Beneath the fabric

As if sweetness can soak into scars

And make them dissolve

I dab it over the ache

Mask the sourness of shame

With something soft

Something falsely divine

As if vanilla can drown out

The mildew of memory

The rot of being unwanted

Maybe if I smell like comfort

They won’t notice

The way I shrink when my name is called

Or how I never sit

With my back to the door

Maybe they’ll believe I’m lovely

The kind of lovely that doesn’t come with a warning label

But I know the truth

The scent fades

Always

By evening, it’s gone

And I am just me again

Uncovered

Unforgiven

Still trying to mask

What the world has already

Decided is too much

Because at the end of the day

A beautified pig is still a pig

Even if she smells like heaven

Even if she walks carefully

Smiles quietly

Loves gently

They still see the mud

They still remember

What she’s not

And no perfume in the world

Can erase what they’ve already

Decided about you

So I keep spraying

Not because I believe it works

But because it’s the only way

I can stand to be near myself

For a little while longer

[marangho]

Until how much longer

Am I supposed to act

Like my presence is a sin?

Like I am not a person

But a pest, a parasite

Something that shouldn't exist?

I yearn for the day

When I will be able

To run free in fields

Of beautiful souls

And of beautiful hearts

Where I am seen, appreciated

Where my voice is heard

And my silences tended to

I am not the devil

So why am I treated like it?

[jeeu]

[marangho]

Day by day

I come closer

And closer

To the realization

That this world

This life

All of it

Is temporary

The day will come

Where we stand

For 50 thousand years

Waiting

For our forever home

No soil will soften

No breeze will pass

Only silence

Thick with the weight

Of every choice

We thought went unnoticed

Eyes will lift

Searching skies

That do not move

And tongues

That once danced

With lies or laughter

Will fall still

In the gravity of truth

[crimsolyn]

Reading poetry hurts in a way that heals.

[txkingupspxce]

if i was made for everyone else and no one was made for me if i remake myself for myself what was i made to be

~nothing for nobody

[marangho]

If even

The essence of nothing

Has a placeholder

A mark

A whisper

A void labeled and respected

Will I

Also have one

When I’m gone?

Will the world

Reshape itself

To fill the dent I leave behind?

Or will it flatten

Uncreased

As though I never pressed into it?

Will my name

Echo in someone's breath

Or just

Slip off the tongue

Like a word once known

Now forgotten?

I wonder

When my body stills

Will the silence

Remember me?

[marangho]

Another night emerges

Where everything

Seems to have frozen

It's too quiet

Too still

I can feel my chest rise and fall

With every breath

I hear the steady sound of my heart beating

Pumping, keeping me alive

through the life

I didn't choose to live

I see the faint outlines of my bookshelf and desk

One that gives me life

And another that lets me pour it out

Through words onto paper

I smell the salt of my tears

rolling down my face

My emotions pouring out for the stars

Letting them bear witness

To all my sorrows

And I taste the bitter emotions

of sadness and longing

For something I know I'll never have

In the dark of the quiet night

I realize that I'm never truly alone

I have my pencil

And I have the stars

And I have me

[marangho]

She was untouched

A virgin

Before she met me

On that night

That lonely, unfortunate night

I approached her

With a heavy heart

Filled with sorrow and anguish

She didn't fight back

When I picked up my pencil

Didn't fight back

When I stained her

Made her impure

With the graphite tool

She accepted me

Warm, welcoming

She let me feel

Let me be sad

Let me lay it onto her

On that unfortunate night

I met her

And she met me

A match made in heaven

—(paper)

[marangho]

The tree of life stands tall and proud. Never breaking, never falling, never losing a branch. However, this tree doesn't seem to want me. No matter how hard I cling to it, no matter how hard I try to hold on, to stay and stick to my branch, to my own little personal twig, I fall. I fall and fall until I reach the muddy earth. It seems as if everything I do is all in vain, and nothing works out no matter what I do or how hard I try to hold on. The earth however; she accepts me with an embrace like an old comrade, an old friend. She absorbs me until I am a part of her, my old self nonexistent to the naked eye. Over time, I will cease to exist, and another withered leaf will fall off to join us in our shared solace.

—(i am a withered leaf falling from the tree of life)

[littlemissihaveaquestion]

Reminder that spring will always come back, music will never stop being created, and there are still so many books left to read! You’re alive! You’re alive! You’re alive!

[marangho]

Some nights

when I can't sleep,

my mind will wander

to that night

you tried to force yourself onto me

I wonder

Do you ever regret it?

Do you ever regret

breaking the trust of a girl

who saw you as a second father?

The betrayal of your wife and kids,

do you regret it?

I do not care

if you do or not

because no matter what

I will never be able to forgive you

It's not that I don't want to

But you've left me

with mental wounds

that run so deep

And I believe

that they will never

be able to ever truly heal

—(even now, I still remember)

[marangho]

Hello!! My name is Maria, and I'm 19 years old. I love poetry and lyric analysis, and I'm hoping to find like-minded people to befriend and make a nice community :)

I'm not the most skilled at writing poetry, so I'd be grateful for any constructive criticism. However, everything I write comes from the depths of my soul and emotions, so I hope that there will be at least someone who will find me and my poems, and be able to find solace in my words. I hope that I can be a safe space for anyone who wishes so.

DMs are open <3