roger that

pro recov. 20M

[marazion3]

you can call me rog or roger , im not new here i just got clapped for the 2nd time. im 20 (born 05) and male (he him his). stats and extra info below the cut.

general tw for : eating disorders , trauma venting sometimes , general bitchery , and me being real real gay.

i am pro recovery and pro harm reduction, no fatphobia here, all that jazz.

i block non-ed accounts, accounts that make posts addressing the entire disordered community as girls or with she/her pronouns (anybody can be affected by EDs, this community and sickness is not fem exclusive), and accounts who cross tag or refuse to hide their likes/following

just block don't report. i promise that you're not doing me or anybody else any good, i'll just get sicker and make another account. isolation from understanding community kills people, this is my safe space to help keep me alive until im ready to consider recovery one day, it's just not in my cards at the moment. please attempt to recover if you can, you deserve the possibility of a happy healthy life.

Stats —

cbmi : 15.6

current goal : muscle mass and body recomp

ugbmi : 15.5

Extras —

likes : early childhood developmental media (sesame street, mr rogers, etc.), cooking + baking, winter, spirituality and religion, rock + metal music (40 Watt Sun ily), writing, CoD MW

hobbies : excessive journaling, binge watching the same shows on repeat, interior decortating, legos

history with 4n4 : i developed disordered behaviors around 9yrs old due to abuse at home, and properly developed full 4n4 at 13yrs old due to a sudden trauma in the family, i have attempted recovery twice now (once in my senior year of HS, and then again a year later after i hit my LW). i hit my LW at 18yrs old and it fucked my health over severely so i attempted semi-recovery but the whole recov process fucked me up mentally so now im here again

[marazion3]

been trying to casually throw extra fiber into my regular diet because it's obv the healthy thing to do (esp when ur restricting) but my body is so not adjusted to it yet omg im so fckn bloated

[marazion3]

// bc and small ranting

got to visit sister yesterday, was a fine trip except for my mother deciding (for whatever fucking reason) that its okay to try being buddy friends with me after over a fucking decade of abuse. i really really hate her, but at least the sickened feeling i get in the pit of my gut whenever she's around helps me stay so uw, she's always been really good at making me ⭐️ve myself out of pure stress

[marazion3]

i wanna be able to change my hair length like i do with its color, cus wdym i can do literally any color hair dye within a few hours but if i want it to be longer i have to wait for months on end. tf is up with that JUST GROW DAMMIT

[marazion3]

getting my license renewed today lets hope i don't look like a fat ugly fucker in the photo like i did last time

[marazion3]

well its done, i look high asf but at least not fat so whatever

[mybedjrny]

It’s not just about losing the weight

It’s about breaking the fucking food addiction

[marazion3]

getting my license renewed today lets hope i don't look like a fat ugly fucker in the photo like i did last time

[marazion3]

any other autistics on here get the skin-bursting intense need to elope and then just have nowhere to elope to and you end up just walking back and forth between the same 3 rooms in the house to get that kick of switching environments ?

[marazion3]

been rapidly flipping between being heavily locked in an having max 500 points, and then not even necessarily binging but just not caring or paying attention and eating whatever without counting my points for that day :/

idk idk idk i just need to pick between gaining muscle or losing weight and get my shit together, but every time i try to pick just one i end up losing all my motivation for what i picked and fucking it all up idk

[marazion3]

its like every time my body looks skinny my face looks busted and every time im looking good in the face im fat asf in the body, can i just have both pls

[smallestlynxie]

I do block people using girlblogging tags on their £ð accounts 😬

[marazion3]

being able to feel my hipbones from the front AND the back with the same hand at the same time againnnnn 😛😛😛😛😛

[tearyeyesprettybones]

having fast food but DONT WORRY guys the vanilla coke zero will absolutely cancel it out!!!!

[madfoxalive]

you are allowed to have boundaries without apologies. you are allowed to name harm without softening it for the person who harmed you. you are allowed to be angry when someone violates a reasonable request and then argues with you about it.

i know it's hard. i know your brain tells you that setting a boundary makes you "mean" or "bad". it doesn't. it makes you a person with limits. everyone has limits. you're allowed to have yours.

[marazion3]

edible calories don't count as long as you dance while ur high

[marazion3]

overate like FUCK yesterday so today is a liquid fast 💔💔 total tmi but at the very least ive been shitting my guts out without any assistance from lax so it's not staying backed up in my system at the very least

[marazion3]

came with my parents to visit my sister and ofc im happy to see her but im already regretting coming bc of the obnoxious motion sickness from the 2hr drive plus having to be in close proximity to my disgusting nasty fucking piece of shit mother all day. like shes genuinely so fucking GROSS im irritated and want to go home already