99% perspiration, 1% potassium benzoate

As a Canadian, I refuse to put anything under the heading "About" because you're just going to make fun of my accent.

[marcmack]

The lemon is a hybrid of the citron and the bitter orange, possibly first appearing in the 1st millennium BC in what is now northeastern India.

Life never *gave* us lemons. We fucking made them.

[itscyran]

REBLOG IF YOU USED TUMBLR IN 2011 - 2013

If so, you knew how turnt Tumblr use to be

[iapislazuli]

I hate when another car forces you to park terribly but then they leave before you and it’s just like great. Well now my atrocious park job is deprived of context and I look like an asshole

[marcmack]

Quasimodo watched, a single tear running down his cheek, as Esmeralda walked off arm in arm with his cousin who was in fairness, he thought, the the real Totalmodo.

[marcmack]

You contain multitudes*

*limit three tudes per customer

[marcmack]

God gives His sexiest battles to His horniest soldiers

[marcmack]

Happy birthday wishes are in order for my beloved, @the-anastasia . Do hop over to her feed to leave her appropriately good wishes for her birthday ☺️🎂

[capybarasatwork]

Find CapybarasAtWork on Facebook, Instagram, tumblr, Twitter, and Webtoons

[marcmack]

Women gush:

“He makes me feel seen”

“He makes me feel heard”

They never appreciate that I make them feel smelled.

[marcmack]

Lose up to 1/2 a pound in one evening with my Illicit Kidney Theft Diet!

For details, come to the Howard Johnson’s Motel on Route 6, room 17, just by the ice machine.

[marcmack]

Happy 4th of July to all Americans, even the loser* & hater*

*Donald J. Bone Spurs

[marcmack]

Red means stop, particularly when shaving.

[marcmack]

No person is like a pond, but rather we are more like the river -- ever moving, always flowing with new waters, never exactly the same with the passage of time.  The you of many years ago is likely quite different than the you of today.

This is what I tell myself as I try to explain why there is so much frozen okra in the refrigerator.

[marcmack]

"I would consider it a privilege to be assimilated by the Borg.  That’s what everybody else wants — to be part of the collective. For some reason, that’s repellant to you, and I find that personally offensive,” said Borg representative, Locutus of Fox, formerly known as Jesse Watters.

[marcmack]

I know Americans usually fly their flags at half mast when a president dies, but when Trump dies …

Is there such a thing as double mast?

[marcmack]

Things you should know about me:

1) I like making ordered lists

b) I can't be counted on to use a consistent labelling scheme for all my points

[marcmack]

You can’t get blood from a stone.

You can’t get phlegm from a boulder.

You can’t get bile from a pebble.

Basically, if you’re hoping to get any of the humours from a geological formation, you’re out of luck.