Her Thoughts

A lot of unspoken words to say

[mardeline]

Hi,

I’m chatting him right now. He mostly starts the conversation but iba ka pa rin. You never sleep first or seen my message. You used to say good night before ending our conversation. Ang tanga ko. Iniisip pa rin kita.

[mardeline]

Hi, Kumusta ka na? It’s been five years sa March 22 the last time we talked. I want you to know that it’s been five years na that I kept myself to be strong na kaya ko kahit wala ka. It’s been five years too na sabi ko i will enjoy the moments kasi baka babalik ka pa at baka out of my expectations. Sabi ko araw-araw baka wala pa ngayon, baka next day, week, month at year. I want you to know na hanggang ngayon, i am still waiting. I don’t want you to know because di ba mas maganda kapag nangyayari ang mga bagay unexpectedly? Alam ko walang kasiguruhan ang hinihintay ko. Alam ko walang assurance ang pagbabalik mo. Kung bumalik ka man, wala rin akong assurance kung ako ba ang babalikan mo. Kasi sino ba naman ako? Isa lang naman akong parte ng past na iniwan ka at hindi pinahalagahan. Kaya ngayon magiging matatag ako hanggang sa bumalik ka ng kusa na hindi kita pinipilit kasi naniniwala ako na kapag naalala pa ako ng puso mo, hahanapin mo ako. Alam ko walang kasiguruhan pero patuloy akong maniniwala. I admit, I am tired too. Pero don’t worry, I deserve this miserable life. Kabayaran na yata ito sa lahat ng sakit na dinulot ko sayo dati kaya handa akong danasin to kahit na hindi ka na babalik. Kung may dumating man na handang ayusin ang lahat sakin at handa akong tanggapin kahit ganito ang mga pinagdadaanan ko, itatry kung mahalin din siya ng higit pa sa pagmamahal ko sayo. Alam ko matagal pa at alam mo, may nararamdaman na akong kakaibang sakit sa ulo ko. Nakakatawa lang kasi hiningi ko ito kay Lord dati, na magkaroon ako ng brain cancer kasi sabi ko maybe i will forget everything about you. About all the pains i had in the past. Then, after that i will be okay. I will never go to the doctor kasi ayokong malaman na totoo. If ever God will allow me to take a rest someday, doon ko nalang tatanggapin na whatever i feel is real. Gusto ko lang ishare sayo kasi it’s been awhile, ang tagal na kasi nating hindi nag-usap. Ingat ka palagi. Andito lang ako naghihintay hanggang sa makapagpahinga na rin ako. Mahal na mahal ka, Your Only Honey 5 years ago

[mardeline]

She fought hard to reach this another year of her life and it was not that easy for her. At the age of 24, she provided herself everything to live, she conquered fear against the cruel world and stood up each time she fell down before.

[mardeline]

So close to this star in the middle of the stage i realized, dreams do come true.

[mardeline]

The Real Fools

7/14/17 The past few days were like hell and heaven as well. I forced myself to work so hard so I will never think of the things that bothers me. I let my job bother me but not the people who always give me self-doubt. I am making the best that I can to spend my attention with the quality people. These are the kind of people who knows how to humble themselves, appreciate and value you. I am not into people who finds happiness on someone's failure or imperfections. I always have this compassion towards the people around me. I try to imagine sometimes if i was on their shoes and what would i feel if that same case happened to me. That's compassion.