☆Warnings: August, religious guilt, heavy topics, inner homophobia, (not proofread)
☆Description: religion is something that you’ve always struggled with especially the night that you meet Bella.
———————————————————————————
You never really understand why you felt different has a kid, but you did and you prayed and tried to keep it down, and you did for most of your life until that night.
It’s June 6th and you and your friend group decides that it’s summer why not live it up while you can, you are single, no school, and no responsibilities.
The night is young the air is hot and the drinks start coming, you feel the breeze of the summer night going through your dress, no care in the world as you hear songs you can’t stop dancing to. Until you see her.
She not loud, she not even in the spot light to notice but you do.
You don’t think on it for long as some guy comes up behinds you and starts to dance, and of course you go with the flow because why would anything be stopping you in the first place?
You make your way to the middle of the dance floor seeing the lights change from all colors against your skin, with your favorite drink in hand and seeing the guy you’re dancing with in front of you.
Not until she appears again, right behind him but farther away having the shadows of light go across her face, she doesn’t break eye contact with you.
All at once you hear your heart in your ears, palms sweating, heart racing, self panic is what you feel.
“Please not again” you whisper to yourself backing up from the guy in front of you, “are you okay?” The guy says not realizing there was a mood change but you quickly stop him form thinking it was him “no no it’s not you it’s just a little crowded” you say looking up to meet eye contact, but still seeing over his shoulder the girl. “Um what was your name again?” Right just something to get you mind of Her “oh it’s Dwayne”
And somehow after 15 minutes of talking to a guy you had little interest it was gone the feeling of guilt every time you looked forward, but she wasn’t.
You got Dwayne’s number and told yourself that would make up for your actions as you start walking towards Her, soon hoping to find out her name.
As you try and make it look not noticeable it very much is, you walk over and grabbing a cup and pouring who now’s whatever liquor is in there and standing by the counter that’s not even 5 feet away from her, yeah not noticeable at all.
But she doesn’t care and neither do you,
“So are you just gonna stand there sweating or are you gonna say something” she says has you hear her call for you to hear but not loud.
“Well maybe if you stopped eye fucking me I would” you say not thinking before saying that to a stranger
“Oh so you can speak up?” She says standing up not moving but just letting you know that this will lead somewhere if you let it.
“Yeah actually I can when it’s a conversation and not you steering me down” you say as you take a few steps now meeting her, after a pause she lets out a chuckle, you take that as a sign to ask her the question “so what’s your name?”
“Bella” she says with her hands in her hoodie pockets now holding eye contact again, “and you? Or are you a mysterious person who doesn’t give out names at parties”
You laugh, actually laugh before talking but before you can you see a look on her face, not really sure of what it is but it doesn’t make scare you if anything it feels like she seen you just for a second.
“It’s Y/N actually” you say zoning back into the conversation
“Nice to meet you Y/N..” and from that point of the air changes, now standing in front of a girl finally letting you feel your inner self even if it’s only for tonight.
“Well Y/N how are you enjoying the party?” She says stepping a little closer than she was before.
“It’s not bad but a little more crowded then my liking” you say putting both hands on your cup now holding it like it’s a lifeline
You notice the wheels turning in her head before she says it, “do you wanna get outta here?” She say lowering her head down to meet your ear
And before you can even think about the inner guilt growing you say yes like you never had a second thought about yourself before.
Before she lets you over think Bella pulls your hand, causing it to leave from her hoodie she holds you close behind her wavering through the house to the front door.
Bella gets you to the door now placing you infant of her making sure you get out first as she doesn’t look back
“Where are we going anyway?” You say letting out a chuckle at how ridiculous you too look running away from a party as if you two aren’t grown adults.
“Don’t think to much on it just walk with me” she keeps walking in front of you leaving her hand out for you to take.
The night is filled with laughter and questions that no one had thought to ask someone they just met but for some reason that wasn’t a worry for you or Bella. The thoughts of others, religions, or perspectives never even once came up in thought nor conversation that night.
As the night comes close to a end and Bella makes her way walking you up to your dorm room from getting slushy from the nearby gas station, all you can feel is the cold breeze against your face along with her hand that traces your face.
“Thank you” is all you hear Bella say but you don’t stop yourself being questioning.
“For what?” And right as your hear her speak, it all starts
“For understanding me in just enough time”
And in the moment you ask yourself “how could this be a sin?”
But just as you realize what would be on the other side of the door, you feel it.
The cross necklace on your neck weighing down on heart as it lays on the chest. The same chest that is daring the love “Her”
“I- I’m so sorry Bella you don’t deserve this” is the holy thing that dares to come out of your unholy mouth the same mouth that was dare to kiss bel-
That’s the last thought you have of that night.
Every night goes by with the ceiling fan going fast in a dark room with a fresh glass of water at the bed side of the table along with Dwayne…
Dwayne from the party at your right bed side holding you to sleep the night before graduation, the last night before you never see Bella again not that you’ve talked to her but the thought of her always being on campus will officially be gone forever and out of your reach not because of Dwayne but because that means you would have to admit you would go out of your religion for her and that’s something no amount of time before walking on the stage can change.
As you drift off to sleep one last time you realize what you asked that night was only a question.
This was supposed to be out MONTHSS ago but I was just off and on with writing, so sorry about that and low key feel bad doing this during pride month 😭-AL
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH ☺️🤭🏳️🌈
