Mariam A Writer For Life @mariam-m-atef - Tumblr Blog

STUPID

So stupid i was to follow you around

So stupid of me to think that next to you existed the only crown

You were always so high in my eyes

To me your blessings were a prize

I think i would have done anything for you to care for me

but darling they always said patience is the key

And i waited like the fool i once was

For people who cared i was almost a lost cause

They told me too much you were up to no good

But how stupid i was when on my ground i stood

But darling answer this, was it a sick need?

That on my self esteem you would feed!

Or was it the pleasure of the mind games

Watching me get lost inside you little maze

Was i too kind or too naive

To this day i can't figure why your lies i believed

Maybe it's a good thing that you never cared

Cause now i know, i only give and you only take

And now the memory of me will haunt you in your sleep

And guilt will eat you every time you breath

And for a while living will be hard

But honey that's the price of your sins as a fraud

But even if you suffer till the end of the stars

That won't erase the memory of how stupid i was.

#poetry #literature #for the girl who hurt me for 6 years #poems on tumblr #poems #angst #stupid

SICK GAME

My thoughts carry me along

My mind,it has been craving peace for so long

My heart aches with every beat

And the blood rushes from my scars as i bleed

But its amazing how much people don't notice when you put a smile on you face

It's like the words screamed in your mind passes by them into outer space

Where nothing is heard for life

Only echos keep your memory alive

May the quietness consume me once and for all

May the darkness come and never be gone

I'm crawling towards the standardes you put for me

A naïve little girl is a person i never thought i'd be

But maybe we're all meant to see

That we're not as different from each other as we seem to believe

Nobody rises above the pain

Nobody never cries no matter how hard they claim

All we're is the liars of the day

Seeking validation no matter the price we pay

We're all the same

We're all to blame

Cause every heartbreak takes two to make

So i can scream a million time i'm not at fault

But me and the crowds know it's not the truth i want

I guess we all need someone to blame

So we can sleep for another day

But deep down we all will always know it's all just about a sick game .

#poetry #literature #sick game #angst

Sink

Sink. That was the thought circling her mind while she was on her back floating on the water her eyes open staring at the cloudless blue sky as she tuned out all the noise around her getting lost inside her mind.

not forever though. She didn’t want to die but in her mind she imagined that maybe, just maybe if she sank deep enough and long enough it might erase her and all her past and scars and memories and mistakes and she might emerge brand new, with new identity and new opportunities and a second chance.

Her thoughts wandered to the last time she was here. She was with her parents and siblings, and she could vividly hear the voices. Matt’s scream as Sam and her dad threw him in the water, her mother’s sweet chuckle and voice telling them to be careful, the sound of the waves crashing under her legs and she could hear her laugh so loud and free, she hasn’t laughed like that in a long time.

She smiled softly at the memory, memory of happiness. It somehow comforted her, the fact that she could say she one day knew what it felt like to be happy. She abruptly flipped her self and dived in the water her eyes closed holding her breath and started to count. One…Two…three…four. Selfish echoed in her ears in his voice Five…Six…Seven…Eight. Self-absorbed Nine…Ten…Eleven...Twelve. Heartless and until she finally reached fifty the harsh words she last heard from him kept echoing around her sounding so real and fresh it was like he was next her screaming.

She emerged from the water with a scream not knowing how to hold her emotions in anymore and her voice echoed across the deserted area that once held so many memories.

She left the water when the colors of the sky started to shift she was, adamant on watching the sunset from the sand where her car stood parked just like she used to do all these years before. She pulled that loose pink and white transparent shirt she had had since she was sixteen over her bathing suit and sat there with her legs delicately touching the water that survived the waves crashing and reached the shore showing off their victory before retreating back to another battle.

The pastel colors in the sky became more prominent and clear and was reflecting on the water making it all seem too surreal. The sun was inching downwards slowly making her wish she could leave with it, hide for a while.

She could feel the hospital air on her and did nothing but remind her of what she wanted to forget. She didn’t want to believe it, more accurately she didn’t know how to believe it. She didn’t understand how it could be this simple, how could the sun of her world set forever this quietly and easily. Getting sick laying in a hospital bed for a couple of days then suddenly not breathing anymore. Heart not beating again. She laughed at that thought finding it ridiculous how little can end the biggest fighter she knew in her life

She didn’t know how to breathe in a world where her person didn’t exist anymore.

She could hear her mother’s voice in her ears exactly the same as years ago when she told her she’s going to New York. Told her she made her dream come true, her mother’s voice was warm and calming and felt like home and it was shaking from happiness as she pulled her in a bone crushing hug mumbling in her hair how much she’s proud, how she mended her broken heart just like she told her she would all those years ago, telling her now she could die happy knowing one of her children made it to their dreams.

Now as she sat at this deserted beach she wondered if she had truly died happy, if she was content watching above her knowing she was safe.

She always knew it will happen someday, she understood it completely, knew they would all be gone one day. Never was afraid of it, hell death was the running inside joke in her family but she always hoped she would be the first funereal out of her childhood home. But she guessed her luck ran out upon this wish

The sun was half in the water now and the waves calmed down and it was all so quiet as if she was having her own funereal. As if everything was silent in respect of the soul that left to a better place leaving a grown woman that felt like a little girl again behind.

Tears never came and they probably will never. She owed it to her to stay the strong girl she raised and died to.

The sun was now almost completely gone only a small arc still showing and as she looked at the sky she almost swore a cloud was smiling at her the same soft smile that belonged to her mom

She looked at sun that was visibly disappearing and kissed her two fingers pointing them towards the smiling cloud and the last thing that could be heard right as sun vanished down the horizon was a soft muttered “I’ll miss you forever mommy” .

#imagine #short story #literature #angst #loss #stories #books

feltenvy

happy 38th birthday to the boy who lived,

harry james potter.

not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous,…he couldn’t know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: “To Harry Potter — the boy who lived!”

cages-boxes-hunters-foxes

“So um, I don’t know if anyone else here knows this, but something that’s really special to me about being back here is that, really early on in my career, when a lot of people didn’t necessarily think that we could fill stadiums together, Gillette Stadium was one of the first places that booked me to fill a stadium. So this was back on the Fearless tour, which was ages ago, I mean, and I was wondering about this crowd tonight, because you’re kind of like, I would call you like a super-crowd. And so I was kind of wondering, and trust me, there are no wrong answers here, but was anyone here in the audience tonight, was anyone at the Fearless show here? Really? Good to see you again! thanks for coming back! Was anyone here tonight at the Speak Now show here? Was anyone who is here tonight at the Red Tour show? Was anyone here tonight at the 1989 Tour show here? And was there anyone here tonight where it’s your first time seeing me play a show? Nice to meet you! This is a super crowd. It’s so exciting to be the people who’d want to come see this show for the first time, it’s also very exciting to me that some of you have come back over and over again to come and hang out with us, that’s so cool you guys. So after the 1989 tour when we played here, I took a bit of a break. Like I’ve kind of been on a very predictable schedule in turns of touring and album stuff, ever since I was 16, and I’m 28 now, which is wild, and so my life would kind of go, you record an album, put out the album go on tour, record the album, put out the album, go on tour, and it kind of went like that over and over again, until I finished the 1989 World tour, and I just felt like I really needed to stop for a second, think about who I would be as a person if I broke that kind of cycle of just constantly making something and putting it out, like if I stopped to reflect, what kind of life would I have if there wasn’t a spotlight on that life. And I was a little afraid to do that, because I was like, ‘What if they don’t want to hang out with me anymore? They’ll forget about me, they’ll move on, they’ll find someone else in super sparkly dresses,’ and I was just so honored and pleasantly surprised that you guys were so supportive of me taking a break. You guys are so empathetic, you were like, ‘Go be happy, we just want you to be happy,’ and now that I’m back wth reputation, you guys have filled this stadium three times over. I am so grateful! And when I was making this album I was thinking a lot about the concept of our reputation, and how when our reputation seems to match who we are as a person, we don’t think about our reputation as much. We’re not like, ‘Man our reputation is amazing, everyone thinks well of me,’ I don’t think we ever really dwell on that. I think we’re only tormented by the thought of our reputation when we feel like it doesn’t match who we are, and that can be pretty scary, when someone says something about you behind your back, and you’re like, ‘That doesn’t feel accurate!’ and there’s this disconnect that happens. And we hate feeling disconnected. We want to feel connected, and that’s why I love looking out into the crowd and hearing you singing the words, because we all want to feel connected. All we want in this life is connection, and I don’t think that’s bad, we all want love and friendship and connection. And the trick is finding something real and figuring out how to keep it, and that is the delicate part.”

— Taylor before Delicate in Foxborough, MA on July 26

mariam-m-atef

I’m always amazed by her way with words !!!!

pieces of the past

Sometimes i just need to remember the moments i had

So I try to pick up the pieces of the past

Memories of laughter by the seaside

when i climbed my daddy's back flashed in my mind

Sitting small in a big chair

i remember it like it's yesterday

Holding a big book tightly trying to figure the words with my eyes

my grandpa used to look at me with pride he never wanted to bid me goodbye

My momma used to tell me i'm the best thing she ever had

she told me one day i'd make her proud

I could've stared at her smile forever

It could bring me happiness whenever

Laying next to my aunt in my small kingdom i had a plan

i swore that whoever came near it i'd damn

I gazed at those people who would help me grow up with my little eyes

i would have never thought it would end up it such hurt and lies

I saw them stab each other in the back

i was shocked to see that the kindness they raised me to in their hearts was lacked

Now Their hurtful words started to flash in my mind

and that was my cue to go back to being blind

For the truth was too ugly to bear

so i walk around with the good memories choosing to ignore the memories of their fail

I open my eyes with the sound of the waves crashing echoing in my ears

i take a sip of my coffee hoping it could wash away all my fears.

#poetry #poetry on tumblr #poet #poets #poems #poem #poems on tumblr

speaknow

Inspiring things Taylor told fans which I hope she doesn’t forget for herself either 💖

“Just because there’s a hurricane going on around you doesn’t mean you have to open the window and look at it.”

“Sometimes we don’t just have a bad day or a bad month…sometimes we have a bad year. Sometimes we feel like we have no control over the endless waves of bad luck we seem to be experiencing…But one thing you do have control over is your outlook. Your mindset is yours to control, and as hard as it is to step back from the situation and have blind faith that things will change and get better, it’s our only option.”

“Not knowing where we’re headed is scary, but take things one step at a time and it gets easier to handle the stress.”

“Taking things on step at a time is an exhausting process for impatient people like you and me, but I think one day you’ll look up and look around and see that finding yourself wasn’t as terrifying as you thought it would be.“

narramin

my attention span as a 10 year old: *reads the Lord of the Rings trilogy in like two sittings*

my attention span now: *checks internet every 10 minutes during important task, opens new tab of same site I’m already browsing and got tired of*

mariam-m-atef

NEVER KNOW

you probably will never know how whenever you appear my eyes glow

you probably will never notice how i smile whenever on you i focus

I’ll never tell how how my heartbeat rises to the skies whenever you simply just pass by

And i’ll never mention how i wish i was in her place get to hear your voice everyday and see your face

it won’t ever cross your mind that i lay at night thinking of you smiling like a fool see that’s why i’m always tired at school

and nobody knows that the reason i keep staring out of the the window of my class is that i’m hoping in the hall you might pass

but tell me do you know that i only go out on weekends cause i know i’ll get to see you in the end at least once in the end and that if i was asked i’d say i miss my childhood cause you used to be in it

your eyes,your smile,you dimples that mirrors mine they’re forever carved in my mind

but the sad thing only i know is that i’ll never tell and you’ll never know

THANKS TO WHOEVER IS READING THIS FOR READING

M.A

mariam-m-atef

AWARE

I built guards so high I am aware

But did it ever cross your mind that they could be teared

Am i that invisible to notice?

Or are all of these girls making it hard to focus

For how long will i stare from afar ?

Will it stay like the this till its our time to become stars !

…I can see you fixed things with your lover

I always wondered why it ended every other summer

Now don’t take this the wrong way…i’m not jealous

If anything i always thought she’s too good for you .she’s so precious

I can see why you fell for her

Inside and out she’s such a beauty to be fair

I can never be a match i’m aware

But i still stay up late every night

Recalling days that were such a delight

When everyday you were one hell of a sight .

Can’t you ever come by and ask me how my day went!

Can’t you ever pretend i’m one of those girls who are god sent!

With their perfect hair and perfect walk

With their neat girly clothes and charming talk.

And again i’m so flawed i’m aware

With low self esteem and insecurities that flood my brain

I have trust issues and scars that makes me ashamed .

But i imagine you kissing every bad thought away

And your touch making me feel okay.

And no matter how hard i know you would never come and stay

I can’t help but hope that one day with My thoughts you’ll be aware.

AWARE

I built guards so high I am aware

But did it ever cross your mind that they could be teared

Am i that invisible to notice?

Or are all of these girls making it hard to focus

For how long will i stare from afar ?

Will it stay like the this till its our time to become stars !

...I can see you fixed things with your lover

I always wondered why it ended every other summer

Now don't take this the wrong way...i'm not jealous

If anything i always thought she's too good for you .she's so precious

I can see why you fell for her

Inside and out she's such a beauty to be fair

I can never be a match i'm aware

But i still stay up late every night

Recalling days that were such a delight

When everyday you were one hell of a sight .

Can't you ever come by and ask me how my day went!

Can't you ever pretend i'm one of those girls who are god sent!

With their perfect hair and perfect walk

With their neat girly clothes and charming talk.

And again i'm so flawed i'm aware

With low self esteem and insecurities that flood my brain

I have trust issues and scars that makes me ashamed .

But i imagine you kissing every bad thought away

And your touch making me feel okay.

And no matter how hard i know you would never come and stay

I can't help but hope that one day with My thoughts you'll be aware.

#poetry #literature

NEVER KNOW

you probably will never know how whenever you appear my eyes glow

you probably will never notice how i smile whenever on you i focus

I'll never tell how how my heartbeat rises to the skies whenever you simply just pass by

And i'll never mention how i wish i was in her place get to hear your voice everyday and see your face

it won't ever cross your mind that i lay at night thinking of you smiling like a fool see that's why i'm always tired at school

and nobody knows that the reason i keep staring out of the the window of my class is that i'm hoping in the hall you might pass

but tell me do you know that i only go out on weekends cause i know i'll get to see you in the end at least once in the end and that if i was asked i'd say i miss my childhood cause you used to be in it

your eyes,your smile,you dimples that mirrors mine they're forever carved in my mind

but the sad thing only i know is that i'll never tell and you'll never know

THANKS TO WHOEVER IS READING THIS FOR READING

M.A

#poetry #literature

studyinky

I don’t know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy in the same time.

mariam-m-atef

The story of this generation’s life

I saw your tears

I wished I could wipe them away with all your fears

I wished I could let you know everything would be Okay

and whatever the pain you were feeling will go away someday

the fire will turn to ashes

And those terrible scenes will turn to flashes

You will be safe I promise

#poetry #i saw a boy cry

I wish there wasn’t a concept for love,like imagine if there wasn’t an idea about the perfect love and perfect relationship created from ages ago that is carved in our mind,then every relationship would be special in its own way and soulmates wouldn’t walk away from each other cause together they don’t fit the image in their brains about how love is supposed to be