Before participating in any bdsm related activity its important to establish rules with your partner(s). Everyone has a different tolerance for pain; along with different levels of what they are comfortable with. To communicate these limits and desires people commonly use āsafe wordsā and hand gestures.
Why should I use a safe word?
The safety of your partner(s) and yourself should be the main priority during any scene; what might be easy for you to handle may not be the same for your partner(s). Using safe words allows the participants to communicate their needs efficiently and quickly.
What should my safe word be?
This is completely up to you and your partner(s) to decide and should be discussed thoroughly before partaking in any type of play. There is no limit to the amount of safe words you can use, but remember to keep things simple between you and your partner(s). A safe word should me short, easily identifiable, and easy to remember. Most commonly used safe words are: green (continue, Iām ok with this) yellow (slow down, less) red (stop). Along with this some choose to use food or counties ex: ābananaā, āpineappleā, ācarrotā. āAfricaā, āCanadaā, āMexicoā.
How do I talk about safe words with my partner(s)?
There should never be any shame in admitting to have a limit during a scene, your safety is #1 priority! When approaching a partner about the subject feel free to express any concerns or feelings about your limits; be sure to describe what can and canāt be pushed. If your partner(s) come to you to talk about safe words always listen with a open mind and understand their limits.
Most of the time there are 3 main conversations that any participants should have beforehand.
The first conversation should cover EVERYTHING; express what you have experience doing, what youād like to try, and what you will not try so that your partner(s) have a good idea of what theyāre working with. After this safe words can be discussed and established.
Second is the pre-play conversation. This conversation is normally short and just a quick reminder of what the safe words are, ex: āok so remember red is stop, yellow is slow, and green is goā.
Finally make sure to check up on your partner(s) to see if any desires and limits have changed (basically repeat the first conversation) this helps broaden the understanding between you and your partner(s) and keep everything safe.
A lot of the time during a scene one may find themselves gagged or unable to speak. A common replacement of safe words are hand jesters! This can be anything from a peace sign to a snapping noise made with your fingers. Just like the safe words you can choose any hand jester that works best for you and your partner(s).
Play safe, communicate, and always listen to your partner(s) safe word!
-Article written by: Breeree
Commission for Breeree and Philadelphia BDSM
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