if you don't pray, you'll never learn

marilyn brody. 35. port henry.you are what is female. you shall be called Eve. and what is masculine shall be called God. and from your name Eve we shall take the word Evil. and from God’s, the word Good. and now you understand patriarchal morality.

[marilynbrody]

matthewbaleman​:

Okay but you know, you can’t go saying a thing like that and then not share what the prank call actually was. Come on — you know you want to.

I absolutely will not be sharing the contents of that phonecall. I will not be giving you or anyone else any ideas about what publicity stunts to pull next. 

[marilynbrody]

aidenweber​:

Are you okay, Mrs. Brody? Was the subject matter threatening?

Thank you for your concern, Aiden. While the subject matter was not threatening... this time, I think it’s best to be clear that these types of phone calls will not be tolerated. Neither by my husband nor by me. That’s all.

[marilynbrody]

This is a very gentle, but firm, reminder to everyone who thinks prank calls are humorous: calls to the Brody household that do not pertain to police matters or are not made by close friends or family, or otherwise are not made with good intentions are not appreciated. It is a violation of our expectations of privacy. And depending on the subject matter, the call may be viewed as threatening an officer of the law and his family. Thank you.

[marilynbrody]

valeriaborges​:

I swear if I have to hear someone call me doc one more time… I’ve spent way too many years in med school and gave up too much sleep to have to feel like I’m talking to Bugs Bunny. It’s Doctor Borges. Not doc, not Miss or hey you, and definitely not nurse lady. I should not be that hard. Doctor Borges. Or even Valeria. 

Dr. Borges... just the person I was hoping to see! I was wondering if you had a minute to discuss the benefits of eating an organic, vegan diet for fertility purposes. Of course, I know that eliminating stress is the first step on the path to conception but I want to do everything in my power... even if the stress component is out of my hands.

[marilynbrody]

melanie-campbell​:

Oh my goodness, are you alright? What happened? This is exactly what I’m talking about — I’m assuming that you called the police but what could you have done if they weren’t there to protect you? Anything could’ve happened. No wonder Spencer’s stressed. It must be taking its toll on you too though, Marilyn, trying to support him through this.

I was just so taken by surprise, Melanie. I mean, illegal activities in broad daylight are only something you’d imagine in those salacious television shows the young ones are into these days. I called the police and they told me they would handle it, but I waited there for fifteen minutes and a squad car didn’t pull up at all. When I told Spencer, he told me he would handle it, but you know how stressed he is, and he can’t do it all. Gisele was right when she told the world that Tom couldn’t throw and catch the ball at the same time; it’s the same for Spencer. He can’t run the police department and do the job of his subordinates too, you know? I just... spend my days wondering if he’s going to be okay. If he’s going to come home to me in one piece.

[marilynbrody]

melanie-campbell​:

I don’t get what’s so hard for them to understand though. It’s not like it’s complicated; the police stop crime and nobody wants crime — except criminals I guess, but still… I can’t even imagine what Spencer has to put up with every day just to do his job.

He’s been so stressed out these days, Melanie. I try to keep him relaxed when he’s home, but he’s just been so tense. And then everyone walks around like it’s a crime to be concerned about the state of our city. If others won’t be concerned, I will. I watched a drug deal happen on the corner as I went to the coffee shop this morning, and not a single person stopped except for me.

[marilynbrody]

melanie-campbell​:

I don’t understand people who complain about law enforcement. They’re here to protect us and they risk their lives every day to do that — and some people are just so ungrateful.

People despise what they can’t understand, Melanie. It’s just so sad. Spencer goes to work every single day to make a difference in this city and the way he’s treated as a result... it’s terrible. Now is the time that we should rally around our city’s finest. 

[marilynbrody]

jac-griffin​:

Seems like the sort of thing you should take up with your political leaders. They’re the ones that can fix that. I imagine your husband being the Police Chief has at least some pull in that department. 

Spencer is a very busy man and he hasn’t got all day to sit around and fix the problems of someone else’s creation, especially when that’s the job of our aforementioned political leaders. You would be amazed at how disrespected the Chief of Police is by his peers. I mean, his subordinates can’t even curb the drug trade in this town, much less solve a murder that’s left a killer on the loose. Outsiders never quite understand the peculiarities of Port Henry. He can only do so much.

[marilynbrody]

jac-griffin​:

I don’t really believe in complaining but I have yet to find a park or even a . strip of sidewalk in this city that I can go for an evening run at without feeling like I’m breathing in fumes. Have any of your politicians considered an environmental angle?

Finally someone sees how dangerous our environmental situation is. I’ve tried bringing it to the attention of the local government, because our children and families are breathing in dangerous fumes each and every day, but I’ve never gotten a response. But if they won’t listen to the wife of the police chief... maybe they would listen to some FBI hotshot.

[marilynbrody]

aurorablck​:

That’s what you think. I’m just being a realist. He spends all that time hauled up in his office, probably investing too much time with his assistant… Things happen.

You watch your mouth, young lady. Didn’t your mother ever teach you how to address your elders with respect? My husband would never. He loves me. And he’s doing everything in his power to make this town safer for everyone in it.

[marilynbrody]

aurorablck​:

No offense, I’m completely the wrong target audience for your misogynistic narrative about men’s rights. But you sound like you’re speaking from experience, so… i’m sorry about your mediocre marriage.

That is a horrifying thing to say, Aurora Black. My marriage is incredible. My husband would never cheat on me.

[marilynbrody]

aurorablck​:

Sometimes Carrie Underwood comes on the radio and I have the urge to drive a baseball bat to an unsuspecting man’s car for cheating on me… but then I remember I’m gay.

This whole mentality is just so... sad. Rather than embracing the man-hating nature of songs produced by women in country music, we should examine the reasons why men feel compelled to cheat. Whatever he isn’t getting at home, he will go elsewhere for. When he cheats, ask yourself what you could have done differently to avoid such a tragic situation. You can’t wreck a happy home.

[marilynbrody]

madisonflynn​:

wrenjamison​:

I feel like with all the stories we swap, a podcast would probably be top five on spotify within like.. a week or somethin’. 

And Marilyn would have a Facebook group organized to ban it by the weekend. 

By Thursday at 5pm sharp, you... heathens.

[marilynbrody]

aidenweber​:

You are absolutely right, Mrs. Brody. I assure you, we’re not giving up on this. 

I speak on behalf of every concerned citizen when I say this, and not as the wife of the police chief: I implore you and your squad to work harder. We cannot allow a man to get away with gunning down one of our upstanding citizens. There’s no place for that sort of behavior in Port Henry.

[marilynbrody]

aidenweber​:

Whoever has any additional information regarding the man who drugged a room full of people and shot someone a few days ago… now would be the time to come forward, either publicly or privately. Literally, any additional information. I repeat, a man was shot and somehow, all trails have run dry. A guy that violent and bold can’t be a stranger to an entire city.

The safety of our city is in grave danger. A man nearly died. I would expect our city’s bravest and finest to dedicate themselves a bit more to this pressing cause, wouldn’t you? If the trail has run dry: wet it. The future of our city is at stake.

[marilynbrody]

toddmajors​:

Did you know lobsters aren’t actually immortal? It’s a common myth, that they’ll just keep on growing until they get killed and eaten. They’ll eventually reach a point where they get too big to molt their shells without the effort killing them - don’t let David Foster Wallace guilt trip you. Guess the moral of the story is: don’t bother trying to change too much too fast, might kill you.

... Are you under the influence of any psychedelics? Hallucinogens? Marijuana?

[marilynbrody]

helbcnt​:

ma’am…respectfully, the only thing that belongs on a phone pole is a phone. 

The only thing that belongs on any sort of pole is a phone. Women don’t belong on poles. Any poles.