personal diary @mariwashereonce - Tumblr Blog

I hate feeling like this bc of my best friend and bc of my boyfriend

#one opens my betrayal and fear of being left behind wound #the other can't take the fucking initiative to get me anything #sighs #I wish my life was different #I wish I wasn't even the person I am

I don't like feeling bad because it takes me to the dark places I never truly left

#and I think #think #and it keeps going #until I can't pull myself back #and I'm 13 once again #14 #15 #16 #17 #and it's just me

I really wish he would stop hurting me

I just want my boyfriend to care about my feelings, I just want to be loved

#I don't like feeling like this #it feels like I chose the wrong person #and it feels like <I'm> the wrong person #I'll never be enough for anyone

He didn't even tell me his newborn nephew was brought home. I found out through a story he posted

He didn't even text back after our argument and only apologized after I told him so

He still hasn't texted me back

He is still hurting me

#why do I keep allowing him to hurt me?#why do I allow him to make me feel this way?#''why are you attacking me''- after I told him how smt he asked made me feel #I never expected such answer from him #why was it so hard for him to apologize and say it was a misunderstanding?#why does he keep making me #feel #so bad #why?

never trust a man

mariwashereonce

I hate him I hate him I hate him so much he knew we wouldn't have more days off together it was literally obvious but he still went with his friends who he sees every day to play another stupid football match and will sleep with them and he just spent the whole day with them and now is ignoring me I despise him so much does he even love me because it doesn't seem like that what is wrong with HIM I feel so used by him each time we see each other because all he wants to do is fuck me and he is always initiating something like the other day when I was uncomfortable bc there was literally a police car around and he just kept going and almost made me choke several times and almost threw me to the floor when I was trying to back up I don't eat him to touch me I don't want to see him I want nothing to do with him why must he always hurt me so much

mariwashereonce

HE ISN'T EVEN TALKING TO ME NOW HAHA OKAY. THAT'S ALRIGHT THAT'S SO FINE WITH ME LET IT BE LIKE THAT I COULDN'T CARE LESS I REALLY COULDN'T GO BE HAPPY WITH THEM EVERYDAY I WOULD'VE NEVER DONE THIS TO YOU KNOWING WE BOTH WOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO BE TOGETHER but it's okay choices were made I don't care I seriously don't care. I don't care, not anymore.

#do what you fucking want #spend everyday with them #seriously do whatever!!#I don't care anymore #I really don't

I hate him I hate him I hate him so much he knew we wouldn't have more days off together it was literally obvious but he still went with his friends who he sees every day to play another stupid football match and will sleep with them and he just spent the whole day with them and now is ignoring me I despise him so much does he even love me because it doesn't seem like that what is wrong with HIM I feel so used by him each time we see each other because all he wants to do is fuck me and he is always initiating something like the other day when I was uncomfortable bc there was literally a police car around and he just kept going and almost made me choke several times and almost threw me to the floor when I was trying to back up I don't want him to touch me I don't want to see him I want nothing to do with him why must he always hurt me so much

#''we'll be together another day''#ok nice way of saying you don't care about me at ALL #I HATE YOU I HATE YOU SO MUCH

I feel rejected by both

#my best friend #and my bf #ok #I'm crying so much I can't even make this up #this world fucking hates me #I want to die #sobs

The achievement I'm most proud of so far:

#he came in my mouth #no he had never came before as in #bc of me🥲🥲#me giving him a blow #so past yesterday (Tuesday) I felt so powerful #THAT HAD NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE #and I felt SO frustrated sobs #BUT YAY I DID IT #I think it's bc GUYS I WAS ABLE TO DEEPTHROATH HIM #IDK IF IT WAS THE POSITION OR WHAT BUT IT WAS SO EASY FINALLY #you have no idea how hard it is ok #BUT YES #I swallowed it all #I hated it.#he does not taste good but rather bitter #but I'm still extremely proud

I really think the source of my unhappiness is my mom.

I didn't know he really would come this quick

#sooo quick #at the bus #I was just using my hand #he pulled my head down and I didn't understand #until it was all over my face #pls.#it took less than 5 minutes help

Is it really that hard for you to leave the friends you see every day to come be with me moments before we enter work

#?#ok

Yesterday Ezequiel lifted me up and I've never felt so up as in being that high before

#it was like #:O #HEJWJDJDJSJ

mariwashereonce

We haven't fucked in like a month almost and it's not bc we don't want to (bc we're desperate)

mariwashereonce

Edit

#and so we did #hidden from everyone but outdoors #hh #I loved it #I missed him penetrating me so much #it was so hard it was difficult to keep quiet at first #so much #he did check there weren't any security cameras around so

We haven't fucked in like a month almost and it's not bc we don't want to (bc we're desperate)

#we just didn't happen to have the same days off at work #we can't spend time together

mariwashereonce

We haven't seen each other in a while so you can imagine we were both a bit needy- ahem anyway. The other day we finally saw each other (on Friday)

mariwashereonce

Before it gets to that we usually mess with each other throughout the day (we're both lowkey mean💀), and while it was just the two of us he was kissing me, then pulled my hair back, and I let out a little "sound" (moan) accidentally😭 and was like "what was that?" A bit surprised but smiling bc he was asking in a MOCKING WAY. Bc then he proceeded to do it with more intensity.

mariwashereonce

Yes a second reblog

#while we were doing it #and he was really feeling it #he said #''I just love you so much''#''you have no idea''#''I want to be with you forever''#''I want you to be the mother of my children''#''and we will have many. won't we?''#that last part #Ik he just said it out of lust (about having many kids)#he just wants to fill me up pls #anyways I was very into it yes.#into him in general AAA

mariwashereonce

We haven't seen each other in a while so you can imagine we were both a bit needy- ahem anyway. The other day we finally saw each other (on Friday)

mariwashereonce

Before it gets to that we usually mess with each other throughout the day (we're both lowkey mean💀), and while it was just the two of us he was kissing me, then pulled my hair back, and I let out a little "sound" (moan) accidentally😭 and was like "what was that?" A bit surprised but smiling bc he was asking in a MOCKING WAY. Bc then he proceeded to do it with more intensity.

#I'm so in love with him

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