Marketing Automation Spam

I work in marketing at a cloud / SaaS software company. I'm sick of all the spam I get from people trying to sell me crap. This is where I rebel.

[marketingautomationspam]

Rainmaker Systems Spam Delivered by Salesforce

Apparently if you waste my sales team's time then I will want to talk to you.  And once I hire you, you'll stop wasting their time with fake deals so their close rate will go up?  If you are so good at sales, why are you cold emailing (aka spamming) people?

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Hi ________, Rainmaker Systems just finalized a Mystery Shopping Analysis on your current sales methods, which measured your online and telesales customer experience. This took several weeks to finalize, and our Revenue Architects would like to share our findings.  [So you have been wasting the time of my sales team?  That makes me unhappy.] Based on our analysis, there is clearly missed revenue your company is leaving on the table; we would like to schedule a brief call to discuss how Rainmaker Systems can help you pick up the missed revenue opportunities on your website and within your telesales organization. Rainmaker Systems currently manages millions in revenue for our clients, which include: Microsoft, HP and Symantec. Please let me know when a good time would be to schedule a 30 minute call.  [The day after you die?  Let's try that.] Best Regards, NAME Revenue Solutions PHONE

RAINMAKER Global e-Commerce

[marketingautomationspam]

BIME Cloud BI Spam Delivered by CreateSend

This email looks like it was designed in PowerPoint about 7 years ago.

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[marketingautomationspam]

VisualVisitor Spam Delivered by ZohoCRM

This is a company that lets you know what companies are on your website so you can blindly cold call people in the company and try to figure out who was on your website.  And the funny thing is they just cold called and spammed me without me even being on their website!  So apparently they can;t use their own product to generate enough leads so they resort to cold calling or spam.

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This is a follow up to the voicemail I left.   In an effort to respect your time, I will briefly summarize what we do:  [If you really respected my time you would not call or email me without me contacting you first.]   VisualVisitor identifies anonymous website visitors.  Only 2% of all web visitors will ever call or submit an email form.  We identify the other 98%.  This can be very powerful information for your sales effort (or your customers' sales effort). The top 5 benefits of our service are:

We identify who the visitor is.

We find their phone number.

We determine buying intent.

We deliver all of this information in an email while the prospect is still on your website.

We offer a completely Private Label/White Label Solution for your customers.

If you would like to know more, I'd be happy to talk with you.  Alternatively, you can visit our website.

Looking forward to your candid response,  [Really?  My candid response?  I am quite sure you do NOT want my CANDID response.]  

NAME

1455 Old Alabama Road 

Suite 195

Roswell, GA 30076

[marketingautomationspam]

Planetpro Spam Delivered by Marketo

The real gem here is the message at the bottom about "You received this email because your company posted an opening for Salesforce.com support."  Well, Planetpro, don't you think if I wanted to outsource my support I would have gone to Google and typed in "outsourced Salesforce support"?  I mean, rather than doing that in 2 seconds, maybe I'll spend 2 hours putting together a job description and post that on our website and then hope someone spams me about something related but different.

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Hi _______,

I noticed your job posting for a Salesforce Administrator.

Did you know there is a better alternative to hiring a full-time admin?

Remember the days when we all had servers in the closet, and a full-time server admin on staff? Now we count on cloud-based servers with a highly professional team of experts to support our needs. Similarly, you can have a team of experts support Salesforce.

You can get a higher quality solution, with lower cost and reduced risk with a team of experts.

To learn more, reply to this email

Or call me: [phone]

Or forward this email to the appropriate person 

Regards,

NAME

Vice President

SFDC Managed Services

Planetpro

You received this email because your company posted an opening for Salesforce.com support.  If you do not want to receive any such emails in the future, please reply to this email with the subject stating 'Unsubscribe'.

[marketingautomationspam]

Impermium Spam Delivered by MailChimp

...because If I am concerned about hackers I will certainly respond to an unsolicited email from a company I have never heard of.

Oh dear.

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Hello ____,

Your Twitter account offers valuable access to your customers. How safe are your accounts?  

The Scary Facts

Hackers are breaking into the accounts of Fortune 500 companies and SMBs - everyone is at risk

In 2013, Burger King and Jeep were among major companies that were hijacked

In April, a tweet from the hacked Associated Press account caused financial panic – the S&P 500 index’s value dropped $135.5 billion before recovering

The damage left behind after a hijack, both to your brand and the impression on followers, is irreversible 

Impermium provides Internet security for more than 300,000 sites across the world. We can tell you today how to easily protect your accounts and reputation from hackers.

  Want to find out how secure your social media accounts are? Take our complimentary Security Assesment today! 

Identify potential vulnerabilities

Recognize questionable behavior

Discuss tools to prevent account hijacks 

Sign up today to see how we can help you protect your Twitter account from hacks.   

Best Regards, 

  NAME

Business Operations Manager

[marketingautomationspam]

Spam from CFO.com

This one was not using a marketing automation system I don't think, but it is still spam.  In fact this one is illegal because there is no way to opt-out, so it violates the CAN-SPAM laws.

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Gain access to CFOs from some of the nation's most admired corporations.

Frank Calderoni CFO Cisco

Jan Siegmund CFO ADP

David Sylvester CFO Steelcase

Partner with us as sponsors of the conference and:

Present an educational breakout session or case study

Lead an interactive roundtable discussion with a table of CFOs

Host a networking event for the decision makers at leading companies

Showcase your brand and build awareness

Also, you'll be in great company alongside our current sponsors.

Contact me today to learn more about opportunities to get involved.

Contact XY PERSON for more information

[email protected] | 212-555-1234

[marketingautomationspam]

TOB "SEO Expert" Spam Delivered by Gmail

This "SEO Expert" has trouble with grammar and like to use the bcc field in Gmail for his Spam.

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Respected Website Owner, Google has launched another big update in its algorithm this week that has hit 100's of websites world over.  Has your website also suffered from this update and you have experienced loss of rankings and traffic ? If yes, we can help your website get back on top of search engines like google, bing and yahoo using professional onsite and offsite techniques. With all these new updates coming from google your website has to be handled by professional SEO Experts who understand how these algo updates work and how they will effect your website. This is ANDY B working as a seo professional for last 5 years for our company TOB. We rank number 1 for one of the most competitive keyword 'online seo company', if we can rank ours we can rank yours. We are working with 1000+ website owners and all enjoy top 10 google ranks. We have client retention rate of 95% in last one year and we are one of those few SEO companies that have helped their clients go through all recent google updates with ease. Email us back if you would like us to rank your website on major search engines like google, bing and yahoo. We offer a no cost 15 days SEO trial to start with so that you can experience the service before you start paying for it. There are no set up fee, no long term contract. Try our 15 days free SEO trial and see your websites ranking move up. Looking ahead for your email ANDY B Online SEO Expert ( TOB ) B 7 Green Ave, ASR – 143001

[marketingautomationspam]

Spam from ResponseTap Delivered by ClearSlide

Spam delivered by ClearSlide is a new one.  Hopefully this is not the start of an nasty trend like those huge stand up hair bangs in the 80's.

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As you know, many of your client's sales happen over the phone in an offline conversion, it's mission critical to understand which online ad sources drove the call and the sale. [I have no idea what clients you are talking about?]

  Many in the agency space are not properly understanding which keywords or online sources are driving phone calls and sales.  [I'm not an agency.  I don't work for an agency.]

  In addition, a visitor may touch your brand 5-8 times before making a phone call. We at ResponseTap have a solution that tracks every offline conversion back to the exact online ad-sources that helped drive the call. So, even if the visitor started out from a display ad and then two weeks later made a call from a paid search ad, we are able to show that display started that path to purchase. See the deck in the link below or to the side and let me know if you would like to chat further:

______

VP Sales

ResponseTap

[marketingautomationspam]

Spam from Transverse Delivered by Salesforce

Ugh.  Who is this even for?  Do people really respond to this crap?

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Hello _______, 

Are you drowning in excel spreadsheets? [No.] Do you rely on Post-It notes to track specific contract details for accounts? [No again, and anyone who does should be fired.] Are you missing out on opportunities to collect revenue because of your manual processes?  [No.  I'm missing out on a pleasant day because you sent me this piece of slimy canned meat... Spammer!]

Then we should talk about how TRACT BILLING can help you:

Eliminate manual processes and spreadsheets.  Seamlessly integrate billing with existing ERP/GL.  Issue accurate and timely invoices to mitigates loss and revenue leakage.  Automate management of accounts receivable, reducing human error and audit risk.  Process accurate revenue recognition based on daily accruals.

When do you have 10 minutes for an introductory call?  [No.] Is there someone else I should contact?  [Yeah, please waste the time of one of my coworkers that I need to do something for me.]

Thanks,

____________

Sales Operations 

© 2008-2013, Transverse, All Rights Reserved.  [You copyright your email?  What is this, 1998?  You're probably one of those people with the notice about not printing out your emails because it is "bad for the environment".  News flash: The 7 people who still print out email will not be convinced by your notice, and now you just made their printouts longer with your 2 paragraph disclaimer.]

620 Congress Avenue, Suite 200, Austin, Texas 78701

If this email has reached you in error, please reply with REMOVE in the subject line and I will remove you from our database right away.  [Why did you add me in the first place?  Every single email you just sent reached the person in error.  Grrrrrr.]

[marketingautomationspam]

Spam from Cloud Sherpas Delivered by Marketo

Here is the latest piece of un-targeted, irrelevant spam I got.  My comments are in bold italics.  If this spammer had even been to my website he would know I work at a cloud company and sending me this email is as insane as expecting Kanye West to name his daughter something normal.

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Are you like most executives that we speak to asking yourself, “What is the hype surrounding the cloud and how can it really help my business?" [I work for a f*cking cloud company, do you think I am asking myself this?] If so, let’s take a moment to review the benefits of cloud CRM versus on premise or legacy CRM. Here are some of the main benefits:

Easier user interface and to integrate and add plug-in apps

Faster to make changes requested by the business 

Better business intelligence, dashboards and reporting

Lower ongoing maintenance and support costs

Focus on development instead of support and maintenance

Successful companies are constantly benchmarking their programs and considering how the latest capabilities can enable them to reach their short and long term business goals, and scale to meet their future needs. Cloud Sherpas utilizes its over15 years of CRM experience and its Excellence Framework™ (built around business outcomes) to ensure your CRM Capabilities can handle your plans both now and in the future.

Let’s take a few minutes to discuss how we can help you successfully strategize, implement, and support your CRM program and utilize the power of cloud technology.  When is a good time?

All the best,

Cloud Sherpas

Adopt. Manage. Enhance. [You forgot "Spam."]