Mark was sitting across from you, smiling.
The employee who had brought you your food smiled back at him, setting down the plates. When she glanced at you for a moment, smiling, you flashed a small smile.
”Enjoy your meal”, she said before leaving your table. Her gaze lingered on Mark for a bit. Well, you couldn’t blame her for that.
So you’re never going to tell him, are you?
Mark’s attention was back at you again, his smile wide. ”The food arrived surprisingly early, didn’t it?” he commented as he took out his fork and knife.
”Well, the place isn’t that packed during this time of day”, you said back, taking out your utensils as well.
He laughed. ”True. Not everybody goes to a restaurant during the day”.
The food was good. Delicious, even. The conversation you had with Mark was enjoyable. The only thing that really bothered you was the conversation with your second best friend couple of nights before.
How can you know his feelings without him saying anything?
I know. I know. It goes without saying, doesn’t it? One sided love. That’s what this is. Nothing more. It will never be anything else.
You should tell him, at least. You’ve got nothing to lose.
I do. I have this to lose. The comfortable conversation. Eating together. Laughing together. The silences. Walking home side by side. Sitting in his car, singing loudly and off note. That’s too much to lose. I don’t want to. Even if it means keeping silent.
… Are you going to regret not telling him?
”Hey”, Mark’s voice startled you. Your eyes met his.
You nodded, eager to forget about the conversation. Mark was unsure, silently gauging his need to probe further. After a couple of seconds, he broke the eye contact and focused on his food again.
”As I was saying, you should try out that game”, he continued, talking on and on about the games he so much loved. And that was fine. In that moment you preferred letting him fill the silence.
Mark parked his car in front of your apartment complex.
”I’ll see you later, then?” he said as he pulled the handbrake on and relaxed his legs.
It was getting dark. The sun had just set. The street lights would turn on after some time.
”Yeah”, you answered to him and checked that you had all your stuff with you. You zipped your bag closed and turned to look at Mark again.
He wasn’t smiling anymore. His brow was furrowed into a concerned look.
”Can you tell me what’s bothering you?” he asked.
You didn’t expect him to ask that.
You stared at him for a moment. Letting go of your bag, you sunk into your seat.
”Can you?” he asked, voice silent.
You shook your head a little.
”Okay”, he said. ”That’s fine”, he continued and turned away from you.
The running motor shut off suddenly. Glancing at Mark, you saw his hand on the key.
”That’s fine”, he repeated. He sighed a little bit.
”But”, he started. He reached out to you with his arm, offering his hand to you. He didn’t say anything.
Glancing between his face and his hand, you were somewhat unsure what to do.
He motioned to give him your hand.
When you placed your hand atop his, little reluctantly and palm to palm, he opened his mouth again.
”But”, he paused for a moment. ”Remember that I’m here”, he said as he intertwined his fingers with yours.
”Little bit”, he answered. He had sunk back to his seat again.
Both of you were staring out of the window, fingers intertwined between you.
Lifting your hand with his, you looked at his fingers for a moment.
”I gotta go”, you mumbled and let go of his hand. You took your bag into your hand and opened the door.
”Mark”, you called his name.
”Thanks”, you said to him, smiling.
He smiled back at you, sheepishly.
You stepped out of the car and leaned over to look at him for a moment.
”See you”, you said and closed the door.
The touch of his fingers lingered as you walked away from his car, leaving him behind.
This is fine. This was nothing compared to losing him.