Re: Zero S1E13 10 Year Anniversary- Won't leave you alone v2
10 years. They've come so far.
Full analysis of both Emilia and Subaru from the Royal Selection and from last episode after the cut:
I think it goes a bit understated how much Emilia grew from the girl we see in Season 1. While it's easy to focus on Subaru's flaws and how he overcomes them, Emilia has her own issues as well. Right from Episode 1, she's distant, distrusting, and on guard. She reacts to Subaru's presence in her life with caution, and even in the Memory Snow OVA, her view of him was tainted by guilt at how he suffered because of her. When it came to the Royal Selection, she didn't abandon him out of anger at him embarrassing her or whatever- she pushed him away because her guilt, confusion and fear prevented her from facing him directly as she rejected him to keep him safe, unable to comprehend how he felt.
The old Emilia would've rejected the words of self-hatred coming out of Subaru's mouth. She would've denied them as untrue, and pushed away the Subaru who was so different from the [Natsuki Subaru] she knew. But she doesn't. She faces him down and lets him pour out exactly how he's feeling. She spells out how she feels exactly, accepts and faces all the self-loathing pouring from his mouth, and affirms him by asking who he is while looking him directly in the eye.
In the future, Emilia will almost certainly face Subaru's feelings in a 'final' loop. She likely won't know about the hikikomori phenomena, or truly understand everything about the shames, insecurities, and worthlessness that haunt him. But she's able to reach out, communicate, and extend her hand out to others far better than she was before. She'll be able to bridge that gap far better than she could in the past.
Naturally, though, the most focus is on Subaru.
The entire amnesia arc works so well in part because it recontextualizes and reframes Subaru's entire character, especially from Season 1. We see his trust and confidence steadily be destroyed as he turns into a shambling wreck by the end of Episode 8, and it becomes clear that his isekai hero delusions were a coping mechanism to avoid confronting the helplessness of his situation. We see him cry thinking about his parents and how he never did anything for them, and it reframes his overly friendly and upbeat demeanor in Season 1 as an attempt to distract from his homesickness. His fear of others, how he gets in his own head, his aversion to cute waifu Shaula ('My boundaries!' lmao) all of these things get examined closely…
But I think the most interesting part was Episode 11. We see him scream "Who would want to be Natsuki Subaru" and it highlights how Subaru wanting to be a Knight was more about Subaru not wanting to be himself, taking on a role he didn't genuinely believe could be him (in fairness, we get an idea he felt like that in Parent and Child, too). He yells that Natsuki Subaru would never rush to anyone's aid (despite literally doing so for Eridna a few minutes ago) and it shows how Subaru never believed a single thing he was talking about in that throne room. Most of all, he didn't love himself. Even when his parents loved him, it just made him want to disappear as someone unworthy of their love. The fact that everyone in the tower cared about him made him feel more and more like a replacement.
It just goes to show that he might've been lucky to get that reality check in Episode 13, because if he did somehow become a knight without facing his issues, it wouldn't have helped him even remotely. Everyone's love for him would've felt like a burden as he choked down the feeling of being a fraud, painting over his crushing shame and feeling of worthlessness with [Emilia's Knight, Natsuki Subaru]. None of the accords and praise would've done anything for the insecurities that made him believe he needed them in the first place.
That's why it's so important that he accepted he was Natsuki Subaru, first and foremost. Accepting that there's no 'other' Natsuki Subaru to save everyone, there's just him. [Natsuki Subaru] is him. And by accepting that, by being open about his feelings instead of reaching for something else or trying to be someone else, he can reach out to save someone, because that's just who he is down to his bones.
The Self-Proclaimed Natsuki Subaru won't abandon anyone. He'll save them all, because that's what he wants to be.
