[hentaidaddy666]

#mood

[metaphorformetaphor]

And how sad to think of dying before finding out anything. And to realize how ignorant we all are most of the time, seeing-things only from the one vantage, like a sniper. And there were so many things I never got to tell you about myself, things which might have swayed you. And the photo I never sent, taken the night I looked almost splendid. I wanted you to fall in love. But the arrow kept hitting the mirror and coming back. And the letters kept dividing themselves with neither half totally true. And sadly, you never figured out any of this, though you always wrote back so promptly, always the same elusive letter.

— Louise Glück, “From a Journal,” Poems 1962-2012 (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2013)

[marlancholy]

Mondays

[trapcard]

one of the worst things about having mental disorders and dating is the constant fear of your significant other giving up on you. like its this lingering cloud of “how long can they deal with my crazy ass”

[writingsforwinter]

how do u get over someone u think about all the time

Don’t move to a new city. Don’t start going to a different coffee shop, or a different library, or a different grocery store. Change what everything in each place means to you. The bell peppers, the caramel syrup, that one book in the very last corner of the non-fiction section they used to read. Think about how you wish you’d written more poems in college, asked that one girl out, taken a different stairway that one day after class. Think about the nights you spent over the toilet bowl, the dry-heaving, the empty beer cans on greying snow. Look at everything new. You could have taken a different subway. You could have walked a different way, you could have been a minute earlier to class and someone else would have caught your eye. You could have gone on that date. 

But don’t move to a new city. Don’t go to a different coffee shop.

You could have done everything different. And if you had, you’d never have the chance you do now. To get over someone. To start again. To start again in the same place. Where everything can happen, even if you stand still. Even if you stay still.

Stay in the same place but look with different eyes.

This is your sound test.

Old songs sound new with different people.

[marlancholy]

thank you.

[marlancholy]

Animal whisperer.

[marlancholy]

Shameless selfie because I'm in Vegas so whatever.

[lora-mathis]

We ride our bikes at night Leave the house when no one is around Make mediocre spaghetti at 10 pm These nights are not always easy Often we spend them surviving But we are surviving. We are still here. We get up in the morning happy to see each other alive and I am thankful for all of the times you have unclenched my hands from fists or tucked me into bed after I suffered a beating from myself You know I would do the same for you.

This Is Surviving, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

[marlancholy]

[marlancholy]

He asked me if I still wanted to go to Disneyland

I chocked out a single laugh in confusion

tell me how I’m suppose to enjoy space mountain

with you

when last night you told me the only option was to separate indefinitely

you called us toxic

said if you gave into my pleas

gave this a fighting chance

it would only be out of selfishness and convenience

you promised you’d shatter my heart worse down the line

I wrote you a love letter

and you told me apart of you felt relieved to let go

that your head was foggy

you were depressed but walking away felt right

today we’re eating hash browns in an americana diner

driving into the mountains on the last day of sunshine in Washington

you’re touching my leg like you use to

talking to me like we’re going to be okay

this is you settling in again out of selfishness

this is me quietly letting you go while you still sleep next to me

“no, I really want to go to DisneyWorld”

[marlancholy]

Twin peaks. (at Double R diner)

[madgirlf]

when we break up, it is not clean we both cry and only stop when we notice your bedroom furniture floating down the hallway the neighbors call to tell us they can’t sleep because my heart is cracking so goddamn loud and so, to quiet me, you say just for now when we break up, it does not make sense I try to wrap my head around it but I get so dizzy that I throw up the world spins by as I sit pulling vomit out of my hair and this is only the first time when we break up for the second time, it still is not clean we sit at a park in the dirt for so long that by the time we get up we blend in with the earth this is okay because we think it’s swallowing us whole anyway when we break up for the second time, it still does not make sense we get in my car and I say I won’t stop driving until we figure it out but my gas needle inches toward empty and we still haven’t found the words but we aren’t done yet when we break up for the third time, it is the dirtiest it’s raining so much that I feel like the whole universe is drowning in one last choking breath we talk for two hours and when you finally say you’re leaving I sink my knees into the mud and beg you to stay you leave me there as you drive away and when I finally walk back into my house there is a trail of mud from the front door to my bedroom when we break up for the third time, it makes the least sense because words like I love you and I’m leaving you are next to each other when I thought they’d stay worlds apart when we break up for the last time, we are tired it isn’t clean but we don’t care anymore it doesn’t make sense but we are out of strength when we break up for the last time, I realize I’ve forgotten how to fall apart so I hold myself together instead

WHEN WE BREAK UP - Fortesa Latifi

from This Is How We Find Each Other

(via madgirlf)

[tellermiles]

Get to know me: favourite things ↳ movies: Comet (2014) “Why are you crying?” “I’m just happy to see you. And it’s such a beautiful night. I feel like I’m in the wrong world. ‘Cause I don’t belong in a world where we don’t end up together. I don’t. There are parallel universes out there where this didn’t happen. Where I was with you, and you were with me. And whatever universe that is, that’s the one where my heart lives in.”

[marlancholy]

Over 28,000 people showed up to the Moda Center today to hear Bernie Sanders speak, at least 9,000 couldn't get in because it reached capacity so quickly. Disappointed I didn't make it inside, but really proud there are so many Oregon supporters.

[madgirlf]

When I tell you I don’t love you anymore, neither of us can tell if I’m lying. If old habits die hard, then bad habits die harder and this is on par with 3 packs a day. This is on par with a bottle before breakfast. Old love tricks us I think. There is nowhere to put it. So it lies on the bottom of your heart and shivers. My body remembers you too well. My insides light up like the traitors they are when you cross the street in front of me and it takes a full five minutes for my brain to catch up. You don’t love him anymore, remember? Or you shouldn’t, remember? Or you’re fucking stupid if you do, remember? So ask me again. Ask me if I still love you. I don’t think so. But if I do, it’s less like champagne and stars and more like faded Polaroids. More like the weight of the sun pressing down on the horizon every afternoon. More like the way you have to cut a tree open to see how old it is. Less like love and more like that detached way you love people you once loved.

Fortesa Latifi - HOW WE LOVE PEOPLE WE ONCE LOVED (via madgirlf)

[marlancholy]

Treasures from the zine symposium today. Happy Saturday.

[marlancholy]

Breakfast&lunch🌷