Why I think Caitlyn didn’t ask Vi for forgiveness
(Thank 'anons' for your messages. I’ll try to respond to you through this text: )
The importance of Caitlyn’s “I know”
A key moment in Caitlyn’s character narrative is her “I know”—both its content and delivery.
The content: When Caitlyn says, “I know,” it doesn’t just mean “You’re right.” It means, “I’ve taken the time to think about this.” And thinking is what Caitlyn does best. Her “I know” conveys that she has already had this conversation with herself, over and over in her head. She’s thought about it constantly, she’s already told herself these things, and she’s already blamed herself for them.
The delivery: She screams it with violence, and we can see this represented by the boat falling apart. It’s not just that she has thought about it; it’s tormenting her. Her “I know” is incredibly powerful because it’s filled with suffering.
To me, this is as valid as an apology because asking for forgiveness is outward-facing—focused on the other person. "Asking for forgiveness" says, “Whether I’ve forgiven myself or not, whether I feel guilty or not, it’s on you to decide to forgive me.”
But here, Caitlyn’s “I know” is inward-facing. It means, “I’m not asking you to forgive me because I can’t even forgive myself.”
She knows everything you’re saying, and it torments her.
"I didn’t even have time to think before they hauled her off."
This line is so telling. Everything about Caitlyn is tied to thinking and reflection.
Being a sniper means aiming and shooting. Aiming is the equivalent of thinking, and shooting is the equivalent of speaking. Everything Caitlyn does is deliberate and thought through.
This is why some people dislike her: as I’ve said before, unlike other characters, Caitlyn’s actions can’t be forgiven easily because she doesn’t do anything by accident.
"We can’t erase our mistakes. None of us."
In the prison scene with Jinx:
"No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes."
This scene mirrors the rage she felt when she threw the boat. In this moment, she’s speaking to Jinx, but also to herself.
Caitlyn and Jinx are paralleled so many times throughout the show. Caitlyn quickly realized that, in some ways, she had become like Jinx. And so, in order to forgive Jinx, she would first have to forgive herself.
At this point in the episode, the person Caitlyn hates the most is herself.
But she no longer has the "energy" to hate, neither Jinx nor herself.
Energy comes from fuel. What she perceives as a lack of strength to keep fighting is simply the fact that the fuel that powered her hatred has disappeared. And when you stop feeding a fire, it eventually dies out. She has no energy left; she has no fuel to sustain her hatred.
It's a particular way of saying, I don’t hate you anymore, and I don’t want to hate myself anymore either, because in the end, that hatred corrupts us/everything .
In her own unique way, Jinx also says, I didn’t know your mother was there, even if it wouldn’t have changed anything. And this too is a strange way of taking a step toward the other.
We have two brilliant and intelligent women who express their emotions in unconventional ways.
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There’s also a whole analysis that could be done about her concept of justice and rules, "but I don’t have the energy" to dive into that here.
Still, it would only lead back to the fact that Caitlyn doesn’t see herself as the right person to free Jinx (and therefore to forgive her) because she believes she herself is beyond forgiveness.
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