1999 She

maddie // i am very embarrassing

[marshgirl69]

Scared of mortality. Scared of job insecurity. Scared of letting myself love new people. Scared of revealing too much of myself to others. I have never felt more like there is not enough time.

[marshgirl69]

It's so funny that my type is like "a little unlikeable". And I can trace that right back to my own internal wounds. Feeling like my worth depends on approval from others, so being attracted to imperfect people because if I can love them, that means I too am worthy of love. Not that anyone is perfect, ofc. But it's like if there's a group of ppl and one person rubs everyone the wrong way (and it's not for like a heinous reason), I'm like 😍

[marshgirl69]

I'm still learning how to navigate new community without the shame oozing off of me like a funky smell. Sometimes, I think I am self-deprecating not even bc I believe what I say, but because I am determined to say the negative thing before anyone else can. Like logically I know I'm fairly pretty and I have loveable personality traits, but idk, owning up to that in front of others feels so pompous, even tho I admire confidence in others. I feel like I am always watching myself through the eyes of my enemy, viewing my every word and action through a hyoercrytical lense. I hope I grow out of this.

[marshgirl69]

I wish I could make mistakes without completely losing touch with my self worth. Trying to remember I HAVE made progress on this front. Also trying to remember it is appropriate to be upset when you have upset your friend, that that emotion is a necessary catalyst for changed behavior. Growing pains and all that. Live is just a cycle of joy and pain. I want desperately to get back into bed with my weighted blanket and suffocate this feeling but I am trying to correct my sleep schedule 🥀

[marshgirl69]

Need to seriously re-center myself. Need to spend less time on my phone. Need to spend more time outside. Maybe my resolution for 27 is to conquer my bike trauma.

[polkadotmotmot]

Kibong Rhee - The last seduction, 2020

[marshgirl69]

It's actually so crazy that I made two separate hours-long playlists for my bday party and then didn't play a second of them. Lmfao!

[marshgirl69]

ONE move, and I'll fold instantly. Long game ig.

[marshgirl69]

Like fire, I go dark when smothered

[lakevida]

i bet the pain will end if i arrange a perfect enough sentence about it

[marshgirl69]

Yeeeowww I get why ppl are alcoholics! I don't want to return to the banality of sober existence. But also I do bc that's more real. Drunkenness is so performative

[marshgirl69]

It should be so illegal to blast EDM in a public park on a beautiful day like what is wrong with you

[marshgirl69]

Any time I commit a social faux pas, which seems to be endlessly, I feel like I need to quarantine myself from others for life.

[nevver]

Reggae records scene, Alex Bartsch

[marshgirl69]

In my dream where my dead cat was alive again I was explaining to my mom, who was holding my dead cat, that every time I say goodbye to him and I think it's the last time, he comes back to life. It used to be devastating waking up each time from that. Now, even my dream self is used to it.

[marshgirl69]

Prozac is so powerful bc I made a mistake in my community org today that I'm pretty sure would've left me bed-bound for the rest of the day without it. I looooooove not giving a fuck

[marshgirl69]

Taylor Swift and Drake fill the same roles in their respective genres