1999 She

maddie // i am very embarrassing

[marshgirl69]

Making Facebook marketplace purchases to feel alive

[newporters]

the subtle and delicate cuteness of the chickpea

[marshgirl69]

It's funny that I left the twin cities because I felt stifled by the fact that everyone I knew there had known me for so long and, thus, formed such a solid impression of me that I didn't feel free to grow and change and try out new personalities. Fast forward 10 years, and I'm actually so comforted by a friend I've known since kindergarten noticing my subtly different hair color. She could notice that because she knew me all my life. Now, I meet people and they think I have naturally reddish hair. I guess I'm used to dyeing my hair unnatural colors--I'm used to it being very obviously dyed, so when people call me a redhead, I feel like a fraud. I'm very glad I moved away and found that freedom to become a different version of myself, but I'm also very grateful for the people in my life who have bore witness to all the previous iterations.

[everyday-cutephoto]

[marshgirl69]

There is actually no way to wholly appreciate an animal's love, affection, company, before losing them. It's impossible to totally cherish the most mundane moments, even if you know that the day will eventually come when those moments run out. Maybe that's the most magical part about connection like that. It can't last, yet we revel in its plainness, the naive obviousness of those moments that pass you by so quickly before disappearing altogether. He'll never lay with me at the foot of my bed again. Soon enough, I'll never lie in this bed again. I know I'm being melodramatic, but I literally feel like Rose at the end of titanic when she's like "he exists now only in my memories." By losing this apartment, I'm losing my last home with him. This is different than the furocious grief of losing him. It's a helpless sadness caged by begrudging perseverance. I'm so sad, and so weary of being sad.

[marshgirl69]

Optimism makes me so angry

[cerleansky]

The legacies people leave behind in you.

My handwriting is the same style as the teacher’s who I had when I was nine. I’m now twenty one and he’s been dead eight years but my i’s still curve the same way as his.

I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We haven’t spoken in four years.

I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.

I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.

I learned to love books because my father loved them first.

How terrifying, how excruciatingly painful to acknowledge this. That I am a jigsaw puzzle of everyone I have briefly known and loved. I carry them on with me even if I don’t know it. How beautiful.

[speaklavenderthoughts-deactivat]

absolutely obsessed with these tags

[marshgirl69]

Oooooh my god menstruation is such a curse like wtf

Also I got a new primary care doctor today and she was much more thorough than my last doc, which is a good thing for a doctor, but it also felt so out of touch for her to be recommending a thyroid test based on a hunch and biannual bloodwork bc I'm a vegetarian (which I've never done so frequently in my near-decade of being one) as if those things don't cost hundreds of dollars. Like how are you gonna come into my life against my will (last doc retired) and start billing me for all kinds of shit like that's second or third date activities at minimum! SO happy for you that you've probably always had awesome insurance as a healthcare provider, but some of us have unstable employment.

Net positive tho bc I probably DO have an iron deficiency.

[nemfrog]

Long ears. Second Reader. 1911.

Internet Archive

[marshgirl69]

If any of you have seen my all black brooks please let me know

[lamignonette]

[nemfrog]

Evening star. Natural History. December 1949.

[marshgirl69]

Every night it's like damn, no one fell in love with me today 🥀 (I did not leave the house)

[marshgirl69]

Am I different? Or am I just like everyone else?

[marshgirl69]

I may be mad at this novel, but "piss off with ya engineered vitamins" made me laugh out loud.

[marshgirl69]

I know I'm not the first to say this, but why is at LEAST 50% of dystopian media just "what if these familiar atrocities happened to white people?" I can't tell if I'm disgusted with the author for perpetuating the invisibility of Whiteness or disgusted with White audiences for producing a market for this type of narrative, for being moved by it because we're seemingly incapable of fathoming genocide, corruption, etc. when it is not enacted against us. I can't decide if this novel is a reification of harmful racial politics or an exposé of them. I suppose I'll need to see what critics of color make of the novel once I finish. It's called The Mars House if anyone happens to see this.

[marshgirl69]

World cup fans rly aren't loyal bc I would simply stop watching whenever my fave teams lost.