One of the major themes of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel is nostalgia, and the desire to recreate the past as we imagine it instead of confronting the harsh realities in order to move forward. The show itself is often presented as a very rose-colored-glasses look at the late 1950s, looking almost like a Norman Rockwell painting with more pink.
Characters first pursue with the life they were told would make them happy: the perfect spouse, with perfect children, all living in the perfect apartment. Except these things aren’t perfect, and they don’t make the characters happy. Admitting this is a huge social taboo, and the only thing worse is actually confronting it, and going after the things you want that exist outside of society’s preconceived notions.
But doing that is absolutely vital to living your life authentically. It’s a messy process, full of risks and unknowns. You will often find yourself longing for the life you left behind, and might even try to tread backwards, but you cannot go backwards and forwards at once.
You cannot recapture a happiness that was never there in the first place.
This, to me, is the point of Midge and Benjamin’s storyline. Her relationship with Benjamin is explicitly placed in parallel to her relationship with Joel–
The socially acceptable guy who appears to understand her, who appears to want the socially acceptable life with just a sprinkle of quirkiness for flavor.
“Is this what you look like in the morning?” Benjamin asks.
“Yes,” she says, even though it’s a lie. Even though it’s the same lie she told Joel.
Don’t you want this handsome doctor, Midge? Don’t you want more babies? Don’t you want a white dress, just like the one you had at your first wedding? Don’t you want to wake up early every morning to do your hair and make-up so your husband will think you’re just naturally put together?
Sure, Benjamin is fine with her comedy career now, but will he be fine in the future? Will he be fine with Midge making jokes about him on stage? Will he be fine with her touring for months on end? Will he wake up in a few years and decide that he isn’t fine? That this isn’t what he wanted at all?
Midge decides not to marry Benjamin because she cannot be “Mrs. Maisel” and Mrs. Ettenberg. She cannot move forwards and backwards.