Confessions of a Massage Therapist

LMT, LE, and Spa Manager just here to tell you you need a massage

[massagemusings]

It has come to my attention after half a decade that my massage school experience was Not Normal, so I think I deserve to share that with y'all as a frame of reference.

One of the guys was a bodybuilder and due to a medical condition which was Definitely Not Related to Steroid Use, he couldn't feel any physical sensations.

One of the guys was so tense while massaging that he would shake the whole time.

One of the guys had such bad anxiety the school wouldn't let him join until he had a doctor's approval. He was mad about it the whole time, but he didn't even really want to be there; he got forced into it by his "friend" who was a nurse. He was also so scared of getting MeTooed that he would never massage a female classmate with his whole hand, only his palm, which was very uncomfortable.

One of the ladies had a hip that dislocated any time there was pressure on her thigh.

One of the ladies was so fat she couldn't do deep tissue at all because she wouldn't be able to get herself back upright if she leaned too far.

One of the ladies missed her own graduation to go to a pizza convention.

The shaky guy was only in massage school because his dad told him he had to do something and it was that or going into the construction business. He almost flunked out because he didn't turn in any homework until the last week of school.

One of the ladies got a new puppy and claimed it was an ESA but it wasn't and she didn't have anxiety and she quit because they wouldn't let her have a dog in a place that was supposed to be hypoallergenic.

There was a school shooting (three injured, no deaths) in a town 20 minutes over and they cancelled school that day in case anyone had someone involved. No one did.

The daughter of my naturopath quit school with three weeks left in the program to study tantric massage (also known as sex work) in India. This is highly illegal in the world of massage.

The guy with anxiety kept failing his anatomy tests, so the nurse would cheat for him, and they made us switch to paper tests. This did not stop them.

He and the nurse he was living with — who was married to another man — kept being late to clinic shifts because they were having sex in the parking lot, which was against the rules because they weren't married.

They also tried to groom classmates into being a third in their relationship.

A 26yo vet on his third time through the program tried dating the 18yo the first week of school, which was against the rules. She didn't realize it was a date and called it off when we pointed it out. He got mad, threatened to blow up the school, and was expelled and had a restraining order against him taken out.

[massagemusings]

Me: you know, things seem to be turning around. Maybe they're not going to close the minute I quit!

Me: *takes Saturday off for a church activity*

The spa: minimum 10 batches of wash left, sandals not washed, no clean & folded robes, laundry not divided correctly, sheets in the dryer with blankets, nothing restocked, no floors swept, metal left in the lucaside until rusted, no dishes put away, dirty product bottles, missing product bottles, front desk person MIA, notice on the front door that utilities are about to be turned off for delinquent payment.

[thememedaddy]

[amalgamasreal]

I feel like as an old man I just need to start doing write-ups on these types of things because no school teaches you anything close to this anymore.

Types of Washer:

Front-load: Better cleaning efficiency, gentler on fabrics, uses less water and energy. Downsides: door seals can mildew, must bend to load/unload, generally pricier.

Top-load (impeller): Faster cycles, easier loading, cheaper upfront. Uses more water, may be harsher on clothes.

Top-load (agitator): Good at removing stains, but tougher on fabrics and water-intensive. Mostly phased out in newer models.

Recommendation: If you can find a top-load with agitator within your price range that will fit where you plant to place it: go for it. Front-load looks better, but unless you're running it all of the time it will mildew and the cost is usually not worth that.

Capacity: Look past the cubic ft (or kilograms if you're not in the US), consider how often you do the laundry, how many people will be doing the laundry, and what you expect to be washing.

Recommendation: Aim for 4.0-4.5cu/ft (14-15.75kg), that's a nice happy medium that can do both light and heavy loads without much issue.

Options & Features:

Steam cleaning (sanitizes, reduces allergens)

Quick wash (for lightly soiled items)

Delicates/gentle cycles

Sanitize/high-temp options (good for baby clothes or gym gear)

Automatic soil sensors adjust water/time

Recommendation: Avoid gimmicks you won't touch—extra screens or specialty modes add cost without benefit if unused. Your washing machine doesn't need wifi, bluetooth, or voice commands. It's just more stuff to break.

Brands & Reliability:

This section is a little harder, personally I go with Bosch, Speed Queen, or GE Profile; but depending on where you are and your budget you might not be able to afford them. That being said, an ex of mine worked for an appliance warranty company that serviced multiple brands and they always said one thing: We're never getting a Samsung or LG, they have more warranty repairs than any other brand even accounting for their popularity.

I hope this helps someone who's looking for their first washing machine.

[massagemusings]

Hey! This gives me an excuse to talk about spa design!

The old guy above is correct that front loaders mildew. He is incorrect that if you run it all the time, it won't mildew. Our one machine runs 5-10 batches a day 5 (and a half) days a week, in a climate with 7% humidity. It still mildews.

The benefit of a front loader is that it's easier to get in and out of and it takes less floor space. The downside is that don't clean as well and you will have oil left on your sheets much worse.

Old plumbing can't handle newer models and new plumbing can't handle the old agitator style.

There's no point in buying an industrial-sized washing machine if the dryer isn't industrial, too. There is a point in buying an industrial dryer without an industrial washer.

If you have more than two rooms, you should consider getting a second machine. The bare minimum means you'll do two batches for every three clients, and higher end places with robes and towels and showers do about two batches per one client, and even a few extra batches for uniforms.

If you have two machines, you need a second drain. Draining systems are not fast enough, and you will either have to babysit the machines or get used to mopping the floor every cycle if you're trying to run them at the same time on the same drain.

Sanitization and steam cleaners are absolute necessities. Everything needs to be clean and clear and sanitary (some states even require certain laundry additives for complete sanitization).

Laundry is loud and hot. If you have any choice in the matter, laundry should not be done around treatment rooms, relaxation spaces, or employee hangout areas.

You need access to behind the machines. If they are slotted in between cabinets and wall, you will have to pay soooo much when it's time for annual cleaning and inspections, and you'll end up having to buy new sponges or bowls or whatever because they keep getting stuck back there.

Laundry hampers need to have lids under most state laws and for cleanliness besides.

You should have multiple hampers if you're splitting blankets, sheets, robes, towels, etc.

I've never been in a single spa (or school) that washes sheets and towels in the same batch. Elastic and small items that are known to hold onto water do not mix.

You need a folding area. And it can't be where your staff eats lunch or a cart you use for something else, too, or a fold-up table to save space. It needs to be a designated space that you can throw a whole day's worth of laundry onto in between appointments so you get the dirty sheets clean for tomorrow, even if it means having to stay for an hour or two after to get it all folded, and you don't have to panic about moving seven baskets-worth of clean laundry around because someone booked that one treatment you only do once a quarter on the day you were already slammed. Ideally, you'd have the designated space as well as a temporary extension area, but if you can't have both, the designated space is not the optional one.

If your laundry is on a different floor, you will struggle. What goes down must come up, and nobody likes to carry 18 sets of sheets up four flights of stairs. Even when I worked in the resort with an elevator, we were always almost out because it was the most obnoxious trip out of anywhere in the hotel. This goes double if your dispensary is sharing space with the laundry room.

[only-tiktoks]

[kawree]

Y'all for real please do these. Even if you're certain your posture doesn't suck. One day you will wake up with impinged shoulder pain like I did and let me tell you it fucking HURTS. Do these exercises even just once a week and it will make such a difference. Especially my fellow creatives out there, stop shrimping over your work and go do these right now. RIGHT NOW.

[symptomesper]

Also, if you’re even a little concerned about getting a hump or having trouble standing fully upright in your old age, this is how you prevent that. If you want to be up and about when you’re old you have to start when you’re younger. And keep in mind there is no bad time to start and it’s never too late. Starting today is way better than never starting at all.

[massagemusings]

A few things to add:

These are very focused on the lats and teres. If your posture is coming from the pecs major or minor, the serratus anterior, the other three rotator cuff muscles, the scalenes, the SCM, overstretched rhomboids, overstretched erectors, or nerve stickiness (very technical term), you will not benefit from these.

While these can deal with the posture issue, it will not address the underlying cause of the posture. If you're carrying a heavy purse or sitting badly at your desk or carrying an emotional burden, it is only a temporary fix.

If you have hypermobility and get dislocations easily, don't do this.

[massagemusings]

Gotta be real with you, we also feel like most hour massages go by too fast.

[massagemusings]

Your hour:

Show up, change & wait for massage to start (~5 min)

Ooooooooh yeah (????)

?? Turn? Oh, turn! Scoot? Up?? No, down, oh, good. (~2 minutes)

Oooh yeah (???)

Aw, darn done (~2 minutes)

My hour:

Greet guest & have them change (~4 minutes; ~2 minutes of which will be used to switch/fold laundry and read the intake form)

Ask about issues (~2 minutes)

Guest on table (~3 minutes; collect massage tools, check next appointment set up is done, straighten locker room, wash hands, fold laundry)

Opening relaxation sequence (~3 minutes)

One arm and shoulder (~4 minutes)

Low back and shoulder (~2 minutes)

Repeat on other side (~6 minutes)

Glute & leg (~7 minutes)

Other side (~7 minutes)

Turn (~1 minute)

Foot & leg (~4 minutes)

Other side (~4 minutes)

Hand, arm, & shoulder (~4 minutes)

Other side (~4 minutes)

Neck (~3 minutes)

Closing (~4 minutes, meaning 1 minute over)

Waiting for client to get off the table & taking notes (~5 minutes)

Table changeover (~6 minutes)

Checkout (~4 minutes)

(repeat with next guest)

[massagemusings]

Gotta be real with you, we also feel like most hour massages go by too fast.

[junglejim4322]

You should be able to say “don’t touch me” to anyone ever in any context and not have it be considered in the realm of surprising or insulting imho if we ever needed to normalize something it’s this

[massagemusings]

Gotta be real with you, my guy, not any context.

[massagemusings]

I really, really need my coworkers to pay attention to their schedules instead of only noticing when they're already booked that they put times they're not available to come in at.

[massagemusings]

Seriously, "oh, well I work in (a city 30 minutes away)" no. It wasn't assumed that when you said "I can work 6:00 to 8:30" that you meant you worked until 6:00 and wouldn't be able to get there until 6:30 and then wouldn't be able to actually take appointments until 7:00. This is not a me problem.

[massagemusings]

Also, if you message me on Sunday saying "oh, I can't make that appointment on Friday," and then the very next day say, "yeah, I don't know how I got booked for an appointment at my usual appointment time because I got a job I didn't tell you about and didn't change my schedule or let you know to change my schedule or block off any other time," I'm going to be mad. Your appointment, your problem.

[massagemusings]

And then!!! Don't be like "okay got it!" And CONTINUE TO NOT TELL ME WHAT YOUR NEW SCHEDULE IS???? Common! Sense! Please!

Seriously, what is with estheticians? This is a job. If you don't want to have set hours, you have to work for yourself. If you don't want to work for yourself, you have to have set hours. And you can't change said hours on a whim. You have appointments already. You are contracted for those appointments. It's not. My problem.

[massagemusings]

I really, really need my coworkers to pay attention to their schedules instead of only noticing when they're already booked that they put times they're not available to come in at.

[massagemusings]

Seriously, "oh, well I work in (a city 30 minutes away)" no. It wasn't assumed that when you said "I can work 6:00 to 8:30" that you meant you worked until 6:00 and wouldn't be able to get there until 6:30 and then wouldn't be able to actually take appointments until 7:00. This is not a me problem.

[massagemusings]

Also, if you message me on Sunday saying "oh, I can't make that appointment on Friday," and then the very next day say, "yeah, I don't know how I got booked for an appointment at my usual appointment time because I got a job I didn't tell you about and didn't change my schedule or let you know to change my schedule or block off any other time," I'm going to be mad. Your appointment, your problem.

[massagemusings]

I really, really need my coworkers to pay attention to their schedules instead of only noticing when they're already booked that they put times they're not available to come in at.

[massagemusings]

Seriously, "oh, well I work in (a city 30 minutes away)" no. It wasn't assumed that when you said "I can work 6:00 to 8:30" that you meant you worked until 6:00 and wouldn't be able to get there until 6:30 and then wouldn't be able to actually take appointments until 7:00. This is not a me problem.

[massagemusings]

I really, really need my coworkers to pay attention to their schedules instead of only noticing when they're already booked that they put times they're not available to come in at.

[massagemusings]

Body wraps are full contact sports

[massagemusings]

It is that time of the month again where my staff is forced to learn so I will also force the knowledge on you:

No essential oil is 100% safe.

They are all concentrated chemical compounds that can have negative effects if used improperly.

They all have contraindications. Even lavender.

They all have unsafe doses.

They all are potential allergens.

They all have effects on the biochemical environment that is the human body.

[massagemusings]

End of the last shift of the week:

[massagemusings]

Just so everyone knows, if you have an impact anywhere on your spine, neck, or ribs, you need to see a doctor and have an X-ray. Whiplash is not just from car crashes. Fractures can become full separations and then shear nerves. Bruised lungs can just stop functioning. This isn't about peace of mind or something "not feeling right." It's about unexpected, life-altering consequences that you won't know until it's too late. Just. Go.

[greater-than-the-sword]

Please guys I do not care how crunchy you are, feeding a baby less than 1 year old raw honey WILL cause them to get infant botulism, which is not like adult botulism because it doesn't come from food contamination or from food being expired, it is because the baby's digestive tract cannot pass things quickly enough to prevent the botulism spores from developing in their digestive tract. This is not a conspiracy. Baby can wait.

[authortobenamedlater]

Check labels on yogurt and graham crackers as they often have honey in them!

[massagemusings]

Adding important information to this:

95% of all cases occur in infants 6 months old or younger, and more then 50% of those occurred in babies under 2 months. That doesn't mean feed your 7-month-old honey, it means maybe don't freak out that your aunt fed the 11 month baby honey grahams. Just watch for the symptoms.

The symptoms are reduced gag reflex, floppiness (especially in ways babies funny normally flop), difficulty feeding, constipation, loss of facial expressions, difficulty breathing, and an altered cry.

Not all honey has the spores, and not all babies digest slowly and not all babies have microbiomes that will support the growth. If your baby accidentally gets honey, don't freak out, just watch for symptoms.

Seriously, there are only three factors besides age that indicated severity and likelihood of getting infant botulism; number of bowel movements and whether the child was born via C-section are two of them. Avoid antibiotics if at all possible, breastfeed, and stop sanitizing everything.

Honey is not the only source. The bacterial spores are also going in soil and dust, which means day to day life is a risk. (That fourth factor was windiness in the area.) Again, not advocating to feed the baby honey. What I am saying is that it's always a risk and you should be monitoring your baby in general for changes in behavior regardless of how careful you are.

[ickaimp]

So this is not a plea for money. This is something that surprised me, and chatting with people on discord, they were unaware of as well.

Discovered last year I couldn’t look at my 2015 MacBook Air without it triggering nausea and migraines, and figured the screen died. Have been getting by on my phone, but concluded I really need a laptop again.

Saved up, realised I could afford a brand new MacBook Neo, and got one.

-And I couldn’t spend more than five minutes looking at the screen without massive eye strain, nausea, vertigo, and if I pushed it, I-need-to-lie-down-in-a-dark-room-for-hours migraines.

Looking up MacBook and Eyestrain explained what is going on. The liquid retina displays that Apple currently has uses Pulse Width Modulation or PWM. In order to give the screens a deeper depth of colour and contrast, PWM flickers between several hundred to thousand times a second.

And there is currently no way to turn it off. There are settings and apps to reduce it, but there is no way to stop the screen from flickering. Checked Apple forums, called Apple Support, and the time I could look at the screen kept shrinking. Got the laptop Tuesday, returned it Friday, today is Sunday and I’m still dealing with a vertigo migraine.

For MacBooks, it seems to vary on the computer model and the software it uses. In retrospect, the issue with my MacBook Air started after a major software update.

And it’s not just an Apple thing. Current Windows and Android screens do the same thing. There’s even a Reddit for people who are sensitive to PWM flickers to help find computers and screens that won’t trigger eyestrain and headaches.

So, yeah. This week has been a learning experience. But for those who are prone to headaches and migraines, this may be something to be aware of, cause I was not.