i write to relive

Dairyyy & Stephen Andrew ❤️

[masterlightt]

Minsan iniisip ko, siguro nagtagpo na ang landas natin noon. Siguro no'ng isang beses na naligaw kami sa Manila. Siguro no'ng isang beses na nagpunta kami sa Makati. Siguro no'ng ilang beses akong nagpunta ng SM Sta Rosa. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi isipin. Kinikilig ako sa tuwing naiisip ka at sa tuwing gumagawa ako ng mga senaryo sa isip ko na kasama kita. Gusto kong magmahal at mahalin. Masarap sa pakiramdam. Magaan. Parang handa na ako sa mga susunod pang araw. Wala akong ibang magawa kundi magsulat kapag nami-miss kita. O sya, bye.

-MCBC

[masterlightt]

Matagal tagal na rin akong hindi nakakaranas ng brown out ah 😆

[masterlightt]

Kinidnap daw kami ng bunso kong kapatid. Family friend daw sya, pero hindi namin sya kilala. Kinulong nya kami sa isang kwarto.

Dahil nga family friend e nagpunta daw doon sila mama at papa gamit yung tricycle. Nakita ko daw sila sa bintana. Umiiyak kaming dalawa ni Lali. Sabi ko sa kanya "Nandyan sila Papa!"

Lumabas yung kidnapper para batiin sila. Hindi nya ni-lock yung kwarto kaya nakalabas kami. Yung main door ang naka-lock. Nasilip ko sya sa bintana at pabalik na sya. Nagkatamaan pa yung mga mata namin. Dun nya nalaman na nakalabas kami ng kwarto.

Napaatras ako habang nagpapanic sabi ko kay Lali "Le pabalik na sya, pabalik na sya!"

Dumapa ako sa gilid ng sofa at may nakita akong babasagin na bote ng Mountain Dew. Sinabi ko ulit "Le, pabalik na sya", expecting na idi-distract ni Lali etong kidnapper saka ko babasagin yung bote sa ulo nya.

Binuksan ng kidnapper yung pinto, umiiyak lang si Lali. Sa isip ko "Shit, okay ako na". Tinry ko syang sikmuraan pero nakaatras sya. Umatras din ako nang mabilis para hindi nya ako mahablot. Iniisip ko paano ko sya mahahampas ng bote.

Nagpahablot ako sa kaliwang braso at hinila nya ako papalapit. Saka ko hinampas hampas yung ulo nya pero hindi mabasag yung bote. Si Lali binuksan na yung pinto at tinatawag sila Mama at Papa pero hindi kami marinig.

Chinoke ko sya gamit yung natutunan ko sa Jiu Jitsu. Dahil di na sya makahinga, nilakad nya palabas habang sakal sakal ko sya, para makahingi ng tulong kila Papa. Ako din naman pasigaw na tinatawag na sila Papa pero hindi pa rin kami marinig kahit na malapit na kami.

Hanggang sa nakita na nga kami nila Papa pero sabi nya ay kaya ko na daw yon. Gusto ko na daw patayin yung kidnapper. Ang tibay ng Mountain Dew. Pinukpok ko sya sa ulo, sabi ko "Para sa pagkulong mo samin!"

Inambahan ko ulit sya pero naawa na daw ako. Nagyaya na sila Papa na umalis pero napansin ko wala pa si Lali. Sabi ni Mama ayaw nya daw sumama kasi nandito daw si Oreo. Sabi ko "Dahil lang dun?"

Pumasok ulit ako sa bahay at sinabihang dalhin na lang yung aso. Sumama sya at sumakay na kaming lahat sa tricycle.

Dream ended there. I woke up exhausted.

[masterlightt]

I thought making a lot more money would be empowering. God I was so wrong. What even is the point of more money if the love of your life doesn't want to listen.

[masterlightt]

"Different processes operate for different people at different times"

- Positive Psychology in Practice, P. Alex Linley, Stephen Joseph

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"The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely. All art is quite useless." - Oscar Wilde Paintings, sculptures, dances probably... They're useless. The rest are rather useful.

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"Whenever you feel incapable of doing something, a very effective practice is to write down your own list of all the things that you had at one time you believed you would never achieve, but ended up managing to do. Sometimes they can be silly inventories, but they help to knock down the walls between you and your confidence."

[masterlightt]

"It is not always a matter of laziness. Sometimes we are simply busy maintaining what we have devoted so much time to building, and we have neither the time not the energy to take it to the next level. Or perhaps true change scares us?"

[masterlightt]

"Whether out of laziness or because of the fast pace of our lives, we end up eating and sleeping in the same way, until our body gives us a serious warning, or we become stale with our partner until a crisis if provoked, and so on in all areas of our lives."

[masterlightt]

"Fight against complacency and lack of vision"

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"Perhaps the secret to longevity is to always keep busy, devoting our time to activities we love."

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"Being aware of our past gives meaning our life story. Rediscovering the passions we had as a children and teenagers gives us clues that are fundamental to identifying our true ikigai."

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"What we can achieve in life is limited only by the reach of our imagination"

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"Not everything in life is about doing things better and faster"

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"Being prepared and working hard and doing well are far more important than fun."

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"It's a sad reality for me in my late twenties. At the beginning of the decade, the people I was close to seemed like friends for life, people I could never imagine not seeing every day. But life happens. Love happens. Change and growth happen at different paces for different people, and sometimes the paces just don't line up."

[masterlightt]

It doesn't feel like bossiness to me. It feels like desperation. I want order. I want peace.