What advice would you give to those that are considering or trying out chastity? Any personal struggles that you've experienced with chastity that you're willing to share?
This can be a somewhat large can of worms in my opinion but I’ll try and keep it brief. Everything within is from personal experiences Dad and I have shared. @tndaddybear has been amazing at supporting me, and us, through this process.
Keep expectations realistic.
If you’re just starting out, don’t expect to last three months or something like that. Take time to acclimate to the changes your body and psyche will go through. For example, in no particular order:
1) Your body physically will require time to adapt. Your nuts might get sore and chaffed until they’re used to being constantly confined… they may need time to heal. Your body will also have reactions to not getting off. That might mean leaking cum tears, painful nuts (for me that happens after fucking when I’m all wound up,) uncontrollable erections in the night that will wake you, and the occasional night emission (it’s always a little odd to wake up thinking, “Why am I sticky?”).
2) Your mind will experience changes more than your body. The emotions will change, sometimes rapidly. You might be desperately horny to fuck one minute, and angrily frustrated that you can’t cum the next. Having a strong key holder to keep you stable in the maelstrom of emotion is really important. I find after the first few weeks of a lockup, they tend to chill out. I’m currently at about month 5, week 1. It’s now just a part of who I am, and generally don’t realize it’s there. Sometimes I buck up, but it happens less frequently, and less intensely than in the beginning. No matter what, talk about what you’re experiencing with your key holder. They’re a part of the process, don’t shut them out. That’s how resentment happens. Talk everything out.
3) One of the more annoying parts of chastity: finding the right fit. You may need to try multiple devices, or multiple ring sizes. You may find that you go through a dozen devices. We have. Be ready to adapt when you find a cage just isn’t working. It’s not supposed to be painful (all the time,) it’s supposed to be fun. Don’t think there’s only one chastity solution out there.
Take the proper time to build up your tolerance.
You can’t just suddenly lock up and go three months, unless you’re a supersub. If you can, rock on. But for most folks, I advise the following schedule to begin:
1) 12 hours, during the workday, through the gym, school, whatever your daily routine is. Take it off at night.
2) Next, go overnight. Lock up before bed, experience what that’s like, and assess the situation in the morning. A break may be needed, it may not.
3) Then, go an entire 24 hour period at a minimum. Wake up locked, go through your day locked, settle in for bed locked, and sleep locked.
4) You now know what to expect. Go three days. By now, you should have tested your environments, driving, school, work, gym, etc. If you cannot function through a critical part of your day, reassess what cage you’re using. You may need to try others.
5) Time to go a whole week. Then two weeks. Then a month. Then three months. Then…… and so on.
The point is, build up. Your body is made of muscles. You can’t lift 95 pounds in a bench press one day, and 305 the next, right? Don’t do that to your genitalia either. Train it. Train your mind especially.
Clear, defined expectations with yourself and/or key holder.
I don’t necessarily recommend open time limits in the beginning. It leads to frustration, anger, feeling lost, or maybe like you’re not really working towards anything.
Dad sets milking periods for me, and we tend to stick to them. It looks like this: Dad will say, “I’ll choose a milking date on the first of the month,” and then that doesn’t mean it happens on the first. It happens on a date he chooses on the first. Still flexible, still in Dad’s control, and still gives me something to look forward to.
Have conversations that lead to understanding what the purpose of chastity is. That’s going to mean something very different for everyone. For one, it might mean being a human dildo, where your key holder locks you up, uses you to ride while they get off, and locks you back up whether you cum or not. They might punish you if you do cum. It might mean focusing your attention from your dick to theirs exclusively (probably the most common.) Whatever the goals and expectations are, know them. Make sure everyone knows and understands. Clear expectations are healthy. Boundaries are healthy.
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
Figure out what cleaning method works for you. Bacteria can be a real bitch, don’t be foolish and think weeks in a cage without cleaning will just be fine. Use shower wands, liquid soaps, hydrogen peroxide and a q-tip, whatever works for you. If you have foreskin, you may need to be unlocked for a supervised cleaning more often, I wouldn’t know, I’m cut.
A sub is no good to their dominant if they’re not in proper working order. That’s the sub’s responsibility, and the dominant’s responsibility to inspect.
It’s not bondage till you want out.
Dad says this to me all the time, it’s not bondage till you want out. Try to let go of your individual wants and needs, and understand with your key holder, you are now a part of a collective sex life. Consider, “My pussy is my sex organ,” and leave your dick out of the equation entirely. This leads to…
The most effective chastity device is between your ears.
Your brain is the most effective chastity device, period. Whatever you commit to, understand, if you want to cheat, you will. If you want to behave, you will. If you’re locked up, use that energy to further other projects. Workout more regularly, study more effectively, be more focused at work.
When periods of extreme horniness come, let them wash over you. Be in heat. Be a cunt in heat. And tell your key holder. Beg. Let them know where you’re at. Let them help you. There will be a fire in your pussy that only their cum can put out. Trust and believe.
When you truly give yourself to the chastity life style, as opposed to resist resist resist, beautiful things happen. And that’s probably a post for another day.
Thanks for the great question! I hope I answered effectively.
Please feel free to share this post! There are many ways to do chastity, and all of them are right (you know, unless they’re unsafe, unethical, or illegal.) Have fun with it!
