#MatchUp

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The Disney Princess Theory

Being a Matchmaker in Beverly Hills, I get an unadulterated look into the male mind every day, and have worked with and interviewed hundreds of the most eligible bachelors in the world.  As a Matchmaker, I see certain industry trends and tell tale signs of whether or not a match can survive the long haul.  With each success story that we document (Matching Up has an 86% success rate), an interesting trend continues to baffle our company.  And I couldn’t help but wonder: does the key to a man’s perfect match lie within his favorite Disney Princess?  And if you’re an Ariel but your boyfriend is a Jasmine man, will you ever really be a part of his world?

At Matching Up, each of our Clients and DaterbaseTM Members go through an intensive interview also known as their BMI (Best Match Interview).  In this interview, we ask a variety of questions ranging from political affiliation to travel preferences (first class or private jet?).  Some questions we see as “Deal Breakers” (aka marriage, kids, and religion).  Others we selected to be fun ice breakers to help the Client relax (Celebrity crush, favorite movie, etc).  Asking men their favorite Disney Princess was certainly not intended to be a deal-breaking question.  But, once we cross analyzed the data of successful matches verses non-connections, we found that in an overwhelming majority of our success stories, the male’s favorite Disney Princess resembled their selected Dater.

At first glance, this is quite the Freudian analysis, but the data simply does not lie.  When dissected, the Disney Princess Theory makes sense.  Most singles (especially in Los Angeles) have a rough image of what their future mate will physically look like.  Growing up, boys were exposed to the Disney Princesses in a more subliminal way than girls were.  They were on the outside of this magical world intended exclusively for the luckiest of little girls.  As youngsters, our future Clients were unconsciously exposed to this exclusive world.  This beauty ideal was planted in our future Clients’ young, impressionable brains.  Society consistently drilled that Disney Princesses were beautiful-- every little girl in their class wanted to be one after all.  Their preferences for a specific princess then developed due to a variety of nature and nurture circumstances, and viola.  Twenty-five years later, it is one of the best determinants of a happily ever after. 

A tip to the Bachelorettes: every man has a Prince Charming SwitchTM that the right woman will be able to turn on.  Many women come to us as super Alpha Women (also known as a “Boss”).  Although I am a proud feminist and a Boss by nature, I urge women to understand that if we want men to act like Prince Charming (or Aladdin in my case), we need to give them the chance to do so.  Let him lead.  Let him take you on that magic carpet ride.  Simply expect them to open the car door for you, pull out your chair, and walk on the outside of the sidewalk.  As fabulous fierce females we need to band together and raise our expectations.  If women make the concerted effort to expect chivalrous behavior from our men, women will experience a whole new world of dating.  Unleash your inner princess and your Prince Charming will be just around the river bend.

So, what should a Snow White do if she is dating a Cinderella man?  Give him a taste of your apple lip gloss, and see if he falls under your spell.  Or, visit us at Matching Up (www.MatchingUpLA.com), and we can find you another Prince Charming who won’t always be longing for a blonde who loses her glass Manolos at the club.

Xoxo,

Your Fairy Matchmaker,

Alessandra Conti

(PS: I’m a Jasmine.)

Contact Alessandra at [email protected]

www.MatchingUpLA.com

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Be the Star of Your Own Life

All my single ladies:  it’s time to focus all of your attention on the most important and fabulous person in the world… yourself.  I see serial monogamists come into the office all the time like a junkie ready for her next fix.  We put them through relationship coaching until they get over their monogamy addictions.  In order to be in an amazing, fulfilling relationship with another person, you need to have an amazing, fulfilling relationship with yourself.  If you are coming from a place of instability, you will attract instability within a mate.  It may not be apparent at first glance, yet slowly but surely you’ll be able to take off your serial monogamist goggles and see your new man for what he is: imperfect.  Imperfection, however, can be beautiful.  But, in order to attract your future perfectly imperfect relationship, you need to be at peace with your imperfections. 

 Ladies, this is the one time in your life that you can be selfish.  The stigma of the word “selfish” comes into play when you are neglecting others in order to serve your personal needs.  Women especially feel the need to take care of everyone and everything around them before catering to the goddess within.  Guess what?  You are single.  You are not married.  You do not have children who are depending on you.  This is a short, beautiful span of your life where your only major responsibilities revolve around taking care of yourself.  Embrace this!  Own it.  Live it.  You are the star of your life, and no one can steal your spotlight unless you give it to them.  Begin by allowing yourself to be the biggest version of yourself.  Get decked out in those sexy stilettos for dinner at the hottest restaurant in your city with your girlfriends who make you feel fabulous.  Be unabashedly girly, and watch Sex and the City re-runs with a glass of wine in a plush, white robe (side note: white robes are such a single ladies stay-at-home-staple.  You will consistently feel like you are on vacation!).  Buy delicious scented massage oil, and give yourself a full-body massage.  Take a bubble bath, read that chic-lit book waiting at your side table, get a mani-pedi at the spa, splurge on that Birkin you’ve had your eyes on for all of these months.  Spend quality time with yourself.  Now is time for Me-time.  You will never be younger than you are at this very moment… so make it worth it.  Because you’re worth it, honey.

The ending of relationships have a way of bringing all of your deepest insecurities to a head, so instead of covering them with a new guy and all of the drama that comes along with him, you need to deal with them.  Embrace these insecurities.  See them, accept them, and begin to work through them.  You don’t have to go it alone… if you are in the Beverly Hills area, come on in for a Break-up Coaching session with one of the Matchmakers at Matching Up (yours truly!), or visit a therapist or Relationship Coach near you who will give you unbiased and honest feedback on your journey to self-actualization. 

You don’t need to go this alone:  tune in your bestie about your new goal and have her come along for the ride.  I can honestly tell you from working with hundreds of women in Beverly Hills… you are in gorgeous, successful, and powerful company.  Any issue that you are dealing with is valid yet it doesn’t define you.  You define you.  You pinpoint all of your best and worst qualities, and it is up to you to focus on the best and disturb the universe with your personal charm and je ne sais quoi.  You were made exactly the way you are for a reason, even if that reason is too obscure for us to wrap our heads around.  Honor the woman that you are and give yourself time and TLC to search for that reason.  So many women come into the office looking for love, but before we can find them an amazing man, they need to cultivate love from within.  Then, and only then, can you begin your journey to finding romantic love. 

xoxo,

Your Fairy Matchmaker,

Alessandra

www.MatchingUpLA.com

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The Myth of the ‘Nice Guy’

Ladies, beware of the so-called ‘good guys.’  They seem to have everything under control at first, give you a lot of attention, and are quasi-attractive.  Many of these guys are wolves in sheep’s clothing.  In Contemplative Prayer (1969), Thomas Merton exposes the dangers of living a “good life.”  He targets religious who have this attitude, but the same holds true for all people, especially in relationships.  Merton argues that these “good lives” are “basically inauthentic, ‘good’ only as long as they permit us to remain established in our respectable and impermeable identities” (103).  They hide from change, even if that change is integral to growth.  These men’s goodness depends on comfort, and they “will prefer routine duty to courage and creativity” (104).  The moment these guys confront a belief or practice that is outside of the norm, for instance conservative notions about intimacy, they flee.  We want, and will only be happy with, men who have made unpopular decisions in the past.  They have a backbone, an unwavering set of values that they refuse to compromise.  Remember, a man you date is a reflection of you.

Have all of your relationship questions answered at:

http://www.matchingupla.com/Relationship-Coaching.html

Love your favorite Matchmaker,

Cristina

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An Unexpected Romance

You have cast your net into the sea of relationships and managed to pull a few worthy matches from the abyss.  The problem is that they lack the special spark, that deep, heart-expanding romantic WOW that was the reason that you put your net in there in the first place.  They seem to possess all of the qualities that you are looking for, and by all accounts, you should be attracted to them, but you are not.  You start to reminisce on past relationships that may have been less healthy, but made you feel alive.  You start to question if you should have standards to begin with.  Fear not, this is normal!  Keep your standards, but also keep that feeling of freedom that you had with an old romance.  The right romance will combine the two, but it takes some time.  Would pearls be valuable if they were easy to find?  Part of the reason for their worth is a result of their rarity.

This is a beautiful time.  Time to cultivate the person you want to be and explore the inner you before sharing it with the one whom you want to spend the rest of your life with.  Comparatively, this is a short time, so make the most of it!  Whatever you do, please refuse to compromise for someone who’s compromising for you just because you seem to be compatible on paper.  This is someone who dislikes the major parts of you, like your morals.  Both partners will be unhappy.  There are people who will treasure this about you.  The secret is patience.  Even for the waiting you have done thus far, you have been rewarded: an electric connection here and there that refuses to let you compromise for anything less fabulous.

Let us help you cast your net into plentiful waters.

Sincerely,

Matchmaker Cristina

[email protected]

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How To Get Over A Break-Up: A Step-By-Step Guide

By Maria, Contributing Writer for Matching Up

I recently ended a one-year relationship. This is not my first relationship, and with my best friend as Beverly Hills’s hottest Matchmaker, it certainly won’t be my last. I decided to write down the ways that I have been coping through this trying period of my life.  

Proper closure: If you don’t allow for proper closure, he might continue to reach out to you. Get rid of everything he gave you. Leaving his stuff around will most likely fuel those lingering feelings and doubts no matter how strong you think that you are. Once you are out of the relationship, lingering on “rosie retrospection” while holding on to the stuffed animal he gave you will make it even harder to cope… let’s be real ladies.

Exercise:

Elle from Legally Blonde got that right. Exercise will make you feel good about yourself, confident and happy.  Looking hot after breaking up is also a “dish best served cold.” I have my ex to thank for the Zumba classes I have started teaching twice a week… and all of the itsy-bitsy bikinis that I will be rocking all summer long!

Surround yourself with your #1 group of supporters: This is where having a group of solid friends pays off. There will be times when you will doubt yourself and your decision to call it quits.  If your significant other was the one who pulled the plug, you may have doubts about being able to survive and feel unworthy of any future love.  Make sure you are surrounded by friends who can remind you of how fabulous, strong, and fierce you truly are.  Just remember, your friends are not your therapists.  Seek out a date coach like the Matchmakers at Matching Up who are unbiased professionals and only have your best interest at heart.

Lick your wounds in your cocoon:  When I was little I would crawl in bed with my parents.  Although I live far from them now, calling them often has worked miracles.  Studies have shown that hearing a parent's voice reduces your stress level substantially.  They used to comfort you when you were younger and there is no shame in letting them step into that nurturing role again.  Your parents are your greatest admirers, and if your significant other hurt you, your parents will be the ones with the biggest protective instinct.

Branch out: In my past relationships, I devoted most of my time and energy to the relationship, leaving little time for any after-work activity or for meeting new groups of people. After starting a new job that I adore seven months ago, I have yet to go to a work happy hour or networking event. I have also considered joining a club or even organizing one to meet more people.

Make goals: After my breakup one of the first things I did was to write a list of the things I wanted to achieve in the upcoming months. Every two months, I check the list and write three more goals. Today I wrote: start preparing for the GMAT, volunteer, and take a public speaking class. Of a list of 10, I accomplished 5 goals in the last two months. I can’t wait to complete the rest!

Listen to your heart: Check any bad thoughts you may have against yourself or your ex. I dragged a lot of baggage into my last relationship, and I am committed to stopping that pattern. Every time I catch myself having a bad thought about my ex, I take a deep breath and remember the trouble that my issues brought to my past relationship. Then, I immediately replace the bad thought with a positive thought. I steer clear of positive thoughts about my ex and instead think of how far I have come since the break up or how awesome it is to have friend X in my life. Also, allow yourself to have some days that are worse than others when it comes to your breakup. I do not remember how long it took in my past break-up for these ups and downs to settle, but I do remember that eventually they did.

Lists on lists on lists: Right after my break up my sister recommended that I write a list of all the pros and cons of my ex. I decided to write a list of my ex, my ex-ex, and of myself. Instead of doing a pros and cons list for myself, I did a list of the good and the bad of Maria, the girlfriend. It was actually much harder than I thought it would be… and extremely telling of the aspects about myself that I want to fix before my next relationship.  The latest list I wrote was of the must-haves (the Matchmakers at Matching Up call them “Deal Breakers”) in my next relationship. I tend to be very lenient when it comes to entering into new relationships, so this little exercise brought me a lot of clarity. 

Time: It can be your worst enemy. Having so much spare time, especially at night has become daunting for me. Night is particularly difficult because this is the time when I would talk to my ex. I got used to talking to him before I went to sleep every day, for one year. I feel that ever since my first break up I have been scared to spend time alone. Scared to see what will be revealed when I spend enough time by myself, self-reflecting. I guess this is my time to do it, and I don’t know a better way to get over a breakup than with time. I want to leave you with this quote, “Love makes the time pass. Time makes the love pass.”

If you’re going through a break-up, you don’t need to go through it alone.  Contact the Matchmakers for a Private Date Coaching Session in Beverly Hills at [phone], or e-mail them at [email protected].

Love,

-A Matchmaker’s Best Friend-

Maria

([email protected])

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We moved!  Matching Up is now in Beverly Hills.  We <3 our new office!

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He could be Mr. Right...but is he Mr. Ready?

So you have set aside time for love.  Welcome to the world of dating!  During these past few weeks, you have gotten your feet wet a little, encountering different people amidst a busy schedule.  You may have made some connections and started to learn that your heart is tender, and your time is precious.  Now is the time for discernment, the time to evaluate who you are spending time with and the qualifications for them to earn this time with you.

You start to realize that rather than the amount of dates, it’s the caliber of people you date that will lead you to love.  Now is the time to realize trends of those whom you date.

·        Do they make plans with you in advance and follow through?

o   Making plans and a person’s reliability show that he values you and is making an effort to prioritize you in his life. 

·        Are they providing for themselves financially?

o   A person needs to care for himself before he can contribute healthfully to a relationship.

·        Do they make time for the people who matter to them and the activities that they enjoy?

o   A person who fills his life with loved ones and special hobbies shows his readiness for a deep relationship.

These, among others, are the qualities that we search for in the Daters for our Bachelorettes and Bachelors.  These are the people who are ready for love.  However, these people are rare, it could take years to find even one.  With our Recruitment Associates, we tirelessly search and find them.  Join the club and meet them.  To book a complimentary consultation, email me at [email protected].

  Love your Fairy Matchmaker,

Cristina

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For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.

-Carl Sagan

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A Valentine's Day Resolution

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Although it is wonderful to have a day dedicated to love, it can be trying for singles.  Amidst the constant parade of roses, chocolates, and couples holding hands, it seems like the whole world has already fallen in love.  It is enough to set any Romantic’s heart aflutter with a quiet wish to be able to share these special moments with that special someone.  It is even enough to persuade some to compromise for the wrong someone.

But do not despair!  If you are single, be thankful.  You have already taken the first step to falling in love: to be free from the wrong one.  Instead of falling into the pit of self-pity, focus on positive steps to open yourself to the right person.  Use this day to make love a priority in your life.  Even clearing out one night a week for dating will be a small step to letting romantic love into your life.  When you set aside time for dating, you begin your journey to find love and prepare yourself to meet the right person.

That’s where we can help you!  Through background checks and highly-personalized matches, we cut out the time many people spend weeding out the bad ones to give you more time to cultivate relationships with the right ones.

Another piece of advice that we give to our Clients is to write a list of 5 inner qualities that you must have in a serious partner.  Keep it next to your bedside table to reflect on with time.  Although we believe that physical attraction is a necessity, this practice will allow you to discover what other qualities you value highly in a match.

Our trainings focus on opening our Clients to love and then setting them up with people who possess the qualities that they prize.  Contact me at [email protected] to set up a complimentary Consultation so that you can begin the adventure of finding your sweetheart.

Love your Fairy Matchmaker,

Cristina

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Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Elizabeth Browning

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The Matchmakers.

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