Mateo

EVOLVING XICANO.

[wordsburning]

Best advice I’ve had recently is to take everything day by day. Sometimes we think so far in the future, that we get stressed about events that have not even happened yet. Get through today and then think about tomorrow.

[mateoscamino]

I recently told my therapist that you leaving me for him is what made me terrified to lose people... Mostly because if I could lose someone I loved so deeply and had such a connection with that meant other connections could be so easy to lose as well.

You certainly didn't create this abandonment wound, but your betrayal certainly made it a crater I couldn't ignore.

I posted in 2024, wondering if anyone would ever love me like you did. I haven't met anyone who has. All the connections I've made don't reciprocate the love I give. They try, in their own way, but my former therapist asked me once, "Is trying enough?" And that's stuck with me ever since.

It wasn't enough for you, and I guess it isn't enough for me either.

You certainly did a number on me, T.

[mateoscamino]

I wonder if you call him Daddy too. I was the first one you called that. I wish it only belonged to me, but I know it doesn't.

[mateoscamino]

The hope I had in a notebook full of white, dry pages

Was all I tried to save

But the wind blew me back via Chicago

In the middle of the night

And all without fight

At the crush of veils and starlight

I know I'll make it back

One of these days and turn on your TV

[thehopefulquotes]

“Just because things hadn’t gone the way I’d planned didn’t necessarily mean they’d gone wrong.”

— Ann Patchett

[meduxxxa]

View of the Canal Street/Pennsylvania Railroad Bridge from Ping Tom Memorial Park in Chinatown, Chicago.

[nevver]

Everyone will be there, Michael Wolf

[scottsbifh]

Marina City Towers, Chicago, Illinois.

The complex consists of two 587-foot (179 m), 65-story apartment towers, opened in 1963, which include physical plant penthouses.

The two towers contain identical floor plans. The bottom 19 floors form an exposed spiral parking ramp operated by valet with approximately 896 parking spaces. The 20th floor of each contains a laundry room with panoramic views of the Loop, while floors 21 through 60 contain apartments (450 per tower). A 360-degree open-air roof deck lies on the 61st and top story.

300 North State Street, Chicago

[simonamorao]

[swordmaid]

when the root of the tragedy was love.

[perfectquote]

“Once you realize there is life after mistakes, you gain a self-confidence that never goes away.”

— Bob Schieffer

[tyote]

[wiz-kaleb]

GOLDEN BOY

[tyote]

[achillesinhighheels]

Gil Scott Heron explains the meaning behind ‘The Revolution Will Not Be Televised,’ a 1991 interview

[afloweronthemoon]

[fouracao]

The hug shared by two yearners!

The relief and contentment on Malthus' face; the way he looks like he has let out the breath that he's been holding back as he inhales the scent of Hilda—like his body's survival relies on breathing in her presence. And this is also paired with the initial shock on Hilda's end? The way her expression went from pure happiness and surprise that the saint came to her room, before contorting to a cry of relief as she was, yet again, assured that Malthus does indeed love her.

Then not even a few minutes later, Malthus says that he wanted to see her place—expressing his desire to know her more; to see Hilda's room not as a man that lines up to wait their turn, not as a saint of the conservative society that wants to chastise her, and not as a colonel that flashes her with gifts, but someone that wants to see the decorations of Hilda's sanctuary that wholly paints her. It was the moment that he found out about her favorite music box—one that she got when she was 15—and her love for jewelry and perfume

Definitely one of their most intimate scenes when you consider that this was the first time that Malthus willingly chose to be with her, and Hilda's first experience of a man coming inside her room with the purest intentions, even if it was to say good bye; even if it may be their last, he only longed to spend time with her.

[fouracao]

Malthus spent the entirety of his life trying to fulfill his mother's prophecy of having a son that was a saint; he was raised by a priest who spent his entire life trying to offer a saint to God; everything that he has done was for the sake of others and their happiness, not his. Hilda was basically the only thing that he decided for himself, the single thing that he wanted, yet he was forced to deny himself of her; he felt guilty and hurt himself, due to the ideals that he was manipulated to believe in; he refused to give in to his humanly desires.

 

It's kind of silly how he wanted to perform a miracle by exorcising her so he could finally be a saint, but unknowingly Hilda's existence itself was the miracle—the only person who actually taught him what it means AND how it feels to be human—the angel who opened his eyes and made him ACTUALLY love humanity, “I look at her shoe and I love the world.” She still was the miracle, although it's not how he intended it to be, but it's what he needed the most.