Falling For An Irish Man

[mattaiz]

Now the gap between me and you is this!

[mattaiz]

Moving on

Remind yourself that you are and forever be whole even without someone loving you. You are independent and you can sustain that part when no man can love you enough the way you love them. Leave those cunt alone. You deserve to be loved by someone. Someone who can give the level of love you are giving. Pick up yourself Aiz and move on. You can do it. Be strong

[mattaiz]

Look who's trying to get to me now? Now that Beluah dumped you and you want to win me back who loved you dearly and willing to risk everything for you. Who else will? Im sorry but this will be the end of this fantasy of getting us together. I have loved you enough but you threw that away. You wasted it and now you're trying to pick it up and put it all together after you broke it. I hope we'll learn from it. Goodbye Matty. Goodbye to the times that we spent together. Goodbye to the good times. Goodbye to the bad and now recovering to get back up. Goodbye to the love you wasted. GOODBYE

[mattaiz]

Don't fantasize my appearance I am more that the outward beauty

[mattaiz]

I found ways to get back up. Instead of just burying myself in a room and cry all night for you. I toasted my last card to be happy. Getaways and live wild while staying on focus with regards to my goals and projects. I was able to survive my first month without you... See no more sleepless night. I could sleep as long as I want without depriving myself with the fun I get from friends and yeah to those Ive met in the Philippines. I just need to live again. Breathe again and re-aline my focus into a better me. Im more than a piece of hot chick. Sorry you can't have it.

[mattaiz]

Its funny to think we ended up too soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AP6f5c6WntU&feature=share

[mattaiz]

This is the message of a woman who took you from me. I should have known from the very beginning. Things are clearer as it gets. Its not my fault to be away from you. Im just thankful I didn't make a single move to get there. Effort is wasted, love is being rejected but the pride somehow is being saved. Saved from future shame of having a dyslexic boyfriend who can't even made a proper report about his volunteer work. A person whose life is dependent on family or friend's stand on something. No self disposition and most of all the way you look is too low to mine. I have swallowed and lowered my pride for the few months we are in a relationship together but for the reason that you are breaking up with me because you find someone new is just unacceptable. You hate the distance? I hate your polygamous nature. Your just guilty of fooling me so you're breaking up not because you're a good Christian kind. Nope you're not! Trust me, you're just trying hard. You don't even know about what being Christian is all about. Just be happy with your life, I hope our path will never cross again. You know why? Because surely you will be sorry to know I made it and you'll realized how much you lost. Sorry hun, you just turn my love into hatred. So, bear with it!

[mattaiz]

Here comes the end!

Since you broke up with me I have been spending my time with my family, friends and everything else. I don’t know what is it like to be in your shoes that you decided to end our supposed to be a happy ever after story. Im still clueless how I allowed myself to get caught by you and now you left, you just left me like that. Was it difficult for you to fight for me, was it really hard to love me? 
How I wish you see how I successfully cover up your stupid shitty move of dropping me.
Its just that I have to lie to save my reputation and face from the people dear to me.
But I will never let you see how weak I am now. I should start moving on and get going to my promise land. Fulfilling my dreams for my family and to see who’s the lucky man I will get to marry and spend my life. A man who’s not afraid of losing what he has just to have me. A man who will never do what you did to me. The moment you walk away is the moment you realized how much you lost me. 
Will never get back to you again, ever! 
Good bye Matthew.
I don’t deserve a weak man as you.

[mattaiz]

Whats happening with this blog?

[mattaiz]

This is the distance between me and my hun. Well, the first day I reach Philippines was awesome. I was able to get in touch with him. Surprisingly, wifi was available in the bus and at home. On the second day was pretty same. Chat here, call there. Though distance, internet service is low or scares in my home I still manage to be updated to him. He's the one busy or not messaging actually. I couldn't sleep so I had a chance to write again. I was just dismayed when I came to see the house. Its been like 20 years since this house built by my parents and its saddens me to see its no longer pleasing and comforting to see. Id love to build another house with all new furnitures. I was calculating in my mind how much will it cause me to build and that makes me think. I need help or I need to work hard on this. I want that one day I will come home again with my hun, as my husband and enjoy my vacation with my family. I feel ashamed of myself if I will still get to see this same phase of life 5 years from now. I want a comfortable home so it will force me to go home. I just wish my future husband will agree to this but what I know is Im dreaming of what will I do after sending my sibs to the university.

[mattaiz]

Its been overwhelming day for us both first because he admitted he cannot come here on May. He cannot make it. I was upset its because his family don't like it. 😱. Okay so if his family doesn't like it then we won't as well? Am I dating a prince or a baby? Neither of the two are certain. My heart sank I thought I've lost him. Somehow I don't wanna lose him. I don't know why I love him still. Regardless of his inabilities and imperfections I accepted him as him. Well, I have to consider this another thing about him. His family seemed not to like the idea of LDR. It hurts but that the truth. Do something that will make them like me before dropping the mic. I will try what I can do to get there and show them Im more that enough for Matthew.

[mattaiz]

How to cope up with this feelings. That feeling of emptiness, laziness, gloominess and all the emo feelings in the world, name it! Coz I have it!!! Its stopping my time and life out here. I don't know how to have the right not to be treated this way. Im just lost and my heart is sinking deeper and deeper. I am becoming so emotional and empty. While my boyfriend is having his time of his life in Tenerife. I know he is happy, the feeling if fullness of everything and the love of his family. But me, in this dark room waiting for his message and call for hours just to hear him talk to me in a length of 01.57sec. Yes, that precious less than 2 seconds I thought would be your chance to make up with me and we can reassure our relationship that even we are away neither any of us feel left behind. Why am I feeling this? Why am I in this situation that I am left behind like Im the only one loving? It hurts and its not like a few slaps on my face. Im not being loved by you on this. So what else would I say to myself? Stupid you, Aiza! Thats what you get from loving too much.

[mattaiz]

First day away be like! Nope not this! Just a quick exchange messages. Turns out to be like went farther. Pair it with my condition now that my hormones are uncontrollably crazy. So I really get sad and angry and lonely and mad again. I didn't even sleep last night. I can't even think but didn't he has any spare time left to text me? Uhm, well. Wait until I get to the Philippines so he can also get to taste what I am feeling right now. Ugggh. I feel so angry at myself not. Im so immature. I just want to sleep and sleep more so I can do what I have to do with all my strength tomorrow and have a beauty rest as well. Good night Aiza. You've got to give yourself a treat.

[mattaiz]

Hormone sucks! It almost costs my relationship that made my man plead not to bring up this matter the moment he leaves for Tenerife. My heart sank when I realized he erased my comment in his post(unintentionally as he reasoned) I hope he can managed to tell me lightly that he doesn't want me to leave comments or anything on his facebook which I actually not doing anything with any of his posts. I just don't pay closely when it comes to what he follows on social media. It just hit me when he posted and that he was waiting for me to leave something about his mark as safe during the recent attack in London. So I took the chance to leave a cheesy comment and also to make up with him. I was delighted when he screen capped it and send me a copy of it...it got me to think to revisit the post and to my surprise I realized my comment was deleted!!!!! I was actually angry 😡 and my heart sank at the same time I want to vomit. I pitied myself from being fiancéezoned at the moment. However, he pleaded that it was a mistake and that he was trying to explain and apologizing for what happened. It was so easy to pull me back. Thats what happened after few minutes of talking to him on skype. Anyway I promised to him and to myself not to bring up issues while hes away away from being away. And I actually don't plan to end my relationship that way. It was so immature to do that. Now he took the chance to end it by posting to our facebook audiences. It giggles to wake up with that post and the comments and private massages coming and asking who's the guy feeling loved by me doing on my wall. Well, no pretensions needed or cover ups just let it be. Let them understand it. I don't need to explain somehow.😂. Thats how my Friday goes. And so here posting about it. At the end of the day I will just be here waiting for him and sleeping a lot. Next week I will also be the one to leave.😔Hope that tomorrow as we celebrate our 100th day being in love will make us cherish and strengthen our relationship more. I personally thanks those people around him that give him pieces of advise every time he gets confused or just needed fuel to keep the relationship going. I love this man so much I can't eat when we have issues or hyper when were so feeling in love together. I just prayed to God whatever lies to our future will come to pass. Im in love and in a relationship for real!!!!

[mattaiz]

And so this is the view that awaits me when I get to the UK. Its pretty amazing to know that my boyfriend wants me there with all the comforts of "home". He is warmth and loving and so I think the idea of home from me in his place isn't hard at all. IM MOVING TO MY HUN's PLACE!!!! First time in my life I will feel like everybody's doing. Haha Im such an old fashioned woman. Anyway I love this guy who lives 8,943 miles from Thailand and it will come to past that the distance between me and my boyfriend will be ZERO. I can't wait!!! Im so excited.

[mattaiz]

I am delighted theres someone who love me despite of my caprices. I know I myself is unstable woman when getting hit by imaginary rock that makes me crazy. I have never seen someone who has the universe wide of understanding to love me and throw all the shades of doubts and fears just to be with me. No wonder you had those past because God has prepared you to handle someone like me. I love you, Matty. And every time I came to know you the more I come to love you.

[mattaiz]

I didn't know I had been wanting you all my life. One of my timeline post 7 years ago revealed the same desire I had been wanting to the character that you possess. I love you, Matty!