The Road to Peak Physical Condition @maxbenoit - Tumblr Blog

1138 days in captivity...

I apologize it’s been too long since you’ve heard from me. I was locked up in that animals prison for 1138 days. They tried putting me to sleep many times but I always beat them to the punch- for when I shared my blog with them they would soon become incapacitated. One day finally, I saw my hole and made the run. I confess the hole had been there before. Sometimes we become so accustomed to our oppresers and cage that we fail to see opportunities even if they are staring us in the face incessantly…

Day 932

I am weak. Both physically and mentally. Although master gives me food the scraps are inadequate nutrients for a beast of my stature. My work outs were reduced to intense staring into the 2x4 chard of broken mirror I smuggled in. A trick for those of you who don’t have time for the gym but have more time for gazing at a mirror or own a selfie stick; find an area of the body you want to improve and gaze upon it. Feel the world around you erode into nonexistence, the hands of the clock parachuting to a brief halt, it’s just you and your abs hurtling through space. If you stare at your selfie long enough your strength will improve vastly. To visualize is to be.

I always said that. “To visualize is to be.” It sounds much nicer in wolf. Until day 932 I never knew exactly why I understood their language verbatim. I always found movies like The Grey and White Fang nonsensical. I thought it was weird how it seemed as though the wolves would speak out of turn and with very little contribution to the plot. When I was staring deep into my forearms one stormy afternoon in that dreary cage the thunder roared and the power surrendered to the blackness. Within this great flash, my earliest childhood memories suddenly surfaced…

I was but an infant. 5 weeks old. I lay there bare skinned on the changing table. Parents were arguing. Both had wanted a girl. I was clearly a disappointment. They wanted me to earn my keep in the world. They did the only logical move; we all got on the next available flight to the northern shores of Alaska. As we were flying high above the Kubok national park they strapped me to a cargo crater stacked with a years supply of red meat and potatoes pushed me out.

I parachuted deep into the hills to where I soon found myself smack in the center of a good old-fashioned turf dispute between local wolf tribes; the Wachikis, the el dorados, and the Furry Death Wahananas. My chute caught on the trees and there I was 6 weeks young strapped on to wood crater of massive amounts of meet and potatoes hanging suspended 10 feet above a massacre of gargantuan proportions…

To be continued…

Track #11 NSFW by any means. It's probably not safe for just about anybody.

#SoundCloud #Max Benoit #JDGAF #Whiterappers #thugl #thug

Prison is a cold place

In my world routine is the enemy. It’s a non-lethal cancer that separates those at the apex and those of us on the other side of the clouds. You do the same workout day in day out and you end up working twice as hard while getting a fraction of the results. Mentally it’s imperative for the sake of keeping your sanity. A few weeks ago I started doing my calves when I should have been doing my forearms. I looked like such an idiot!!!! Unfortunately, I also come from the world of Rock N Roll and when good friends of mine like Owen Swaby and LMG want to get married in Las Vegas; God bless them. I’m in. No questions asked. I won’t bore you with the details of poolside romance, VIP treatment, the waitress that tipped me just for helping the ice melt, the high speed police chase we thwarted, the baby I delivered in the library; no I won’t bore you with any of that. We’ll just say amongst other things McDonalds was a club and had $1 Big Macs between 12-4am. Yeah, my friends and I are pretty out of control. We roll hard. As you can see; the demons I face in my quest are very real.

Keeping my workouts fresh is of utmost importance. Many days I escape from the confines and restrictions of my gym by taking to land and sea. Today, I never had been more assured of the clarity of my path. I was out on the beach sprinting on all fours in the sweltering and unforgiving sun; WHEN an officer of Animal Control pulled me over for being out of control. I tried telling him that I was but a man. He did not believe me. So he took me in by leash and collar to a dark and dreary cage. Just when hope seemed most baron and I had licked the last drop out of the bowl a light appeared!

The door had opened. It was a nice lady from the Animal Rights Group. She informed me that Chuck Norris needed someone to play his younger self for Walker Ranger of Texas, the movie.

“But why did they send someone from the Animal Rights Group?” I asked but I already knew the answer.

“Because this animal is right for the part!”

WAKE UP

Ever just lay there in bed in the morning and intently ponder what good ever came out of pulling those covers off? Ever walk in to work, an interview, or an audition and just see the look in your contemporaries’ eyes and see nothing but a genuine pleasure for your interaction to have ran its course? A sincere understanding that their life would be much better with one less car to cut them off in traffic or one less man thrusting and howling to the heavens in the gym? Wouldn’t it just be easier for everyone if you just stayed tucked into your nest?

People, America is facing an obesity epidemic. Studies show that my average reader has a 30% less body fat than your contemporaries, the average American. What gets me out of bed in the morning? The new mirror residing directly over my bed. My body is my temple; the byproduct of hours of worship, human sacrifice, and penance. Instantly, I long for the smug faces when my train barrels through the walls of the gym. I put my pants on two legs at a time like everybody else and when I put my pants on bystanders are libel to receive a lightening bolt of truth. In a blink of an eye they will caress a subpoena of prowess. They see you. They see me. We are a walking indictment to the lazy. You are a shining beacon of hope in the direction of things to come for our race.

You think Chuck Norris brings his cell to the gym?

100?

Many of you just joining in have been inquiring about the pen name “100.” Well most of you don’t know it but all my friends, colleagues, and those that know me west of the Mississippi got a name for me. In fact to know me is to know the name 100. You need something done?? Ask 100 to do it. 100% of the time there is a zero issue. You need a song and a dance ask somebody else. Unless in the instance you really want a song then you will give me a microphone and I will hit 100% of every note and will sound like Jesus does 100% of every Easter Sunday. No stone unturned. I touch 100% of every base on my way home. Lights out, bro. 100% of the lights will be turned off and 100% of the crowd will make it home 100% safely. Lights out and everybody’s home; that is 100% the opposite of having the lights on and nobody home. Sick days? Guys like me don’t get sick. 100%. Unless in the case I say that I am sick. Then in that case I am indeed 100% sick. When I am back I am? You guessed it- 100%. I cannot even remember the last time someone asked me “how I’m doing?” because 100% of the time the answer is the same. There is no in between. You’re either at the gym or you’re not.

Many people have asked me what my goal is. The answer is the same as I’ve always said; the same answer that is tattooed in my cold bloodshot yet magnetic eyes: “Peak Physical Condition.” “No but like what’s the goal? Body fat? Weight? Bulk?” It’s as simple as four square: Blood. Sweat. Love. The Zenith. The Apex. The holy cinco, bro.

I haven’t stepped on a scale in years. I don’t need to. I’ve been in this body for 28 years. I speak its language. When you acknowledge you do as well then I’d say you’re ready to begin your ascent with me. Step 1. Congratulations.

-100

The Manifesto

Good day, In the past few weeks a lot of you have been asking me: “How do you do it?” “What’s your secret?” “How did you forget the mayo?” “Will you be my personal trainer?” First and foremost- one at a time! And never pay for a personal trainer. People who pay for personal trainers just want attention. You want attention? Email all your co-workers like a normal person! You have all you need in front of the mirror and if that’s not enough re-read. My final piece of advice would be: listen to the body. You’re only human and we don’t need any injuries on this ship. It’s my job to push my body to the limits and beyond. I use no spotter, as it’s my job to push a set until I see a bright light. Native American tribes drug up a member of the tribe and send him into the wilderness in search of a religious vision. My friends, I affiliate with no body of religion rather I embody the religion of the body. The only temple I worship is that which I see everyday in the mirror. My only drugs are that of mortal exercise. I had a wake-up call last week when someone or something called my car to be towed on Albany and Valencia (heads up if you park over there) for blocking their driveway by a foot. Presuming my car had been stolen, immediately I rationed how I would get from job to job across town and what sacrifices would have been needed to be made to maintain. Cutting my gym time only entered into my consciousness as an option for a split second when I realized “that’s just what the thieves would want me to do.” From that day forth I took the experience as a sign to take my regiment outside the walls and constraints of the gym. As it’s clear to me now that I am not just a body on Earth but an extension of Earth itself. I no longer only bike to work but have taken to the sea. The coast guard pulled me over the other day surprisingly not to reprimand me for swimming past the buoys but to thank me for my role in aiding the fight to lower the pollution levels in the bay. In other news I’ve trimmed off a bit of my body hair not to make myself more arrow dynamic or appease so many of you but only in hopes that much of the dolphins will discontinue to follow me throughout my work outs. I also regret to inform you this is the last one of these emails I will be sending out via hotschedules as they have had issues with the server crashing. The quest for peak physical condition will be taken to the blog for public viewing so hopefully I can reach and help more people. What you can do? Absolutely nothing. Close your eyes and let your mind recover from what just happened. One day a link will arrive in your inbox and you will know what to do. God speed. -100

Day 7, Trip #16 to the gym

Good day contemporaries,

I write to you today from the edge of the cliff. I’d be lying if I were to say conditions were fair. 100mph winds are gushing in my face, my line of sight is at best a few inches, my palms are sweaty, my life line snapped about an hour ago, and to make matters worse I just realized I forgot to put mayo on my turkey sandwich. Today we discuss focus and motivation. Focus we define as the centricity of that which matters and the expulsion of that which does not. I am focusing on the few inches in front of me not the thousand-foot free fall behind me. Which brings me to my next point: I could not be happier of the gym which I’ve chosen to scale my mountain and defy biological limits at. I once heard the excuse “when the gym is packed you can’t work out and when it’s dead you don’t want to work out.” The ladder of that I dismiss entirely. The new gym I’m at is quite dead which is very much refreshing to get through a work-out (consecutive ones even) without some girl trying to ask me what I’m doing later that night!! I’ll tell you what I’m doing: my muscles are RECOVERING. And per motivation: well, there’s a little girl back on the farm. We’ll call her Ruth. Who, when I climb my mountain and the prophecy is fulfilled- she will know. When my body glistens like the fountains of Sparta. When my flight of step is devoid of form and swift like a hawk; she will know. She will know my love is true. Truly true.

-100

A lot to be thankful for this month!

Posted on April 18, 2012

(Sent: 3/15/12)

Good day colleagues, friends, and the aspiring.

I write to you today because we have a lot to be thankful for this month of March (and not just the mustaches). I can now verify all the rumors with this exciting announcement: I have joined a gym! I see that everybody is sharing their dates for their shows and what have you. I realized who am I to deny you the greatest show of all: The Gun Show!!! Coming to {our restaurant} in ONE month! Nas only needed one mic. I only need one month to complete this historic retracing of my proverbial footsteps in to (wait for it…) PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION. I’ve consulted the experts and they are in agreement with my projections of an overall 200% INCREASE in office morale!!!

But I can’t do it alone colleagues! I’m going to need 110% of your undying and uncompromising support. Now there’s a lot of chicken tenders, sliders, pizzas, etc etc floating around our workspace. I’m going to need you to step your game up in either eating more yourself and/or mainly saying no to me when I ask you for yours. Which will be tough as I am very persuasive and can occasionally be confused for charming. Just SAY NO! You can do it.

I’m going to be in that gym everyday (or every other) grinding it out. And YOU are in luck as I am going to bring you along for every step of the ride!!! I will write you my weekly updates. Through every crunch, every curl, every shoulder raise, tricep extension (maybe every 3 days), calf raises, upright rows, lat pull-down, bench press, and forearm curl – I will be climbing the mountain towards my personal zenith to purify my body so it resembles that of my mind. Pure. Sharp. Unfiltered. The apex.

-100

[THE PRELUDE]

Welcome to all of you wise enough to click my link!

I am a server in the city of Los Angeles. I currently work at three establishments. A month ago it was only two. A month ago there was a group of souls in lack of direction that happened to conglomerate at set hours through the course of a week in exchange for a paycheck at the same place as myself. Everyday of the work week it rained. Service was mindless. Rare steaks cooked to a crisp. Baby’s cried. Homeless people gave up. Again. Yelp reviews were at best poor. To say the least not a one of my colleagues received a call back from an audition.

Perplexed at this status quo; I said to myself “Self, what can we do to turn this around?” Sarcastically, my Self replied “You should hire an independent board of scientists or you know the scholarly types to crack this one, chief.”

As dubious as his intentions were; still I made the phone call.

The next day a team of graduate students from the University of Southern California’s Psych and Business Management departments were on the scene. Both departments sharing an equal interest in “controlling the sheep.” In turn they surveyed, studied, and performed physiological and psychological tests on every employee with complete disregard to department and tenure.

The results of the aforementioned study forever changed me. The next day I joined a gym. The day after that I wrote ALL my colleagues to tell them about it.

The next three entries are the said emails.

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