Max

🇮🇪🏳️‍⚧️

[maxisnotreal]

INTRO & INFO

Name: Max

Pronouns: He/Him/His ♂️

Age: 18, please no under 14s on my page

Music taste 🎵 : Car Seat Headrest, The Mountain Goats, Gezebelle Gaburgably, The Smashing Pumpkins, Stomach Book

Feel free to ask any questions or dm me! :3

This page is just a big amalgamation of my thoughts, feelings, etcetera.

[maxisnotreal]

how to properly truly vent on here without getting termed? is it possible?

[maxisnotreal]

sitting in the kitchen eating toast and crying

[maxisnotreal]

the force (urge to relapse) is strong with this one (me)

[maxisnotreal]

I am so fucking sick of always being a problem. I try my hardest for people to like me and yet somehow I'm always ALWAYS an issue. I am so so sick of being so problematic and troublesome. If its not my parents im an issue to, it's someone else's. I'm always a problem. My body and soul is causing problems. My EXISTANCE is causing problems. Despite how fucking hard I try, I can't escape it. HOW THE FUCK am I meant to LIVE when MY VERY BEING is so problematic to people??? HOW???

[maxisnotreal]

home doesnt feel like home anymore. I have no home. I don't want to be anywhere

[maxisnotreal]

the knowledge that ill have to live with this for the rest of my life might be the worst thing to have to know

[maxisnotreal]

I dont know if I want to be cared for or if I want to be the one who cares for someone else. it's usually both. it can't be both.

[maxisnotreal]

what will finally break me? will it come soon?

[maxisnotreal]

will my body ever work the way it's meant to?

[maxisnotreal]

the only explanation I have for my chronic illness is that my late childhood and early teens were so full of exhaustion, anxiety, and mental illness that it fucked me beyond repair. that hurts a bit to think about.

[maxisnotreal]

everything in my life makes me feel like im dying. and not in a good "i feel alive and free!" way.

[maxisnotreal]

how do I have both insomnia and hypersomnia how is that possible ?????

[maxisnotreal]

does anyone else sleep for half the day so that they don't have to be awake for the whole day? then stay awake all night because it's more peaceful? Just me?

[maxisnotreal]

my friend gave me wrist braces/supports today!! hopefully they will help me be in a bit less pain 🙏🙏🙏

[maxisnotreal]

horrible anxiety mixed with physical pain is probably one of the worst feelings in the world

[boye-failure]

was half asleep , heard my phone buzz , immediately woke up to talk to boyfie

[maxisnotreal]

this is so real cause I genuinely wake up to reply to my girlfriend and then go back to sleep until she replies again and keep doing that until I'm awake enough to hold a conversation or until she gets busy with something else