It had to have been way too long, Aubrey thought, since Maya and her sat down together, on their own. The place must’ve been filled with people but since they’d made contact, Aubrey could hardly register anyone else around them. She was never the person to hold grudges towards other people, let alone towards people who were so close to her heart, but she caught herself holding one, not even against Maya --- more like against the world and what caused the rift between the two women. It was even harder to pinpoint the problem, mostly because Aubrey didn’t blame Maya for acting out. She hardly blamed her for anything, really, or at all. If there was any guilty party, it had to be Aubrey herself because unlike Maya, she didn’t have a reason to push people away when they tried to help. She didn’t lose a child, she couldn’t ever compare any of her misery to what had happened to Maya, because such a tragedy was truly a reason to be upset and grieve, and be in so much pain that you couldn’t be around anyone, barely even around yourself.
If there was ever a split second of hesitance in Maya, she couldn’t see it and that made it easier, at least a little bit. Nothing, of course, was easy about their run-in, or the relationship as a whole, not anymore (which was an odd, alien concept to begin with). In fact, Aubrey almost had to wonder had they not run into each other then, would they ever really arrange to see each other? Aubrey wasn’t going to push someone who was healing, and yet, she couldn’t expect anything else from the other woman either. But then again, if not then, some other time, since Wilmington was not that big of a town anyway.
Once they were settled into the nearest booth, Aubrey licked over her lips, clearing her throat, as if it weren’t obvious enough that she was a nervous wreck, anxiety eating her alive. She hated these things, these moments, mostly because she never had to be in them before. It started from talking to Wes and Amy and trying to fix what was broken, and then her dad, and then everyone else, and it never once got any easier. It was a lesson learned not to pull those moves if she didn’t want to be in such a position.
Maya’s question caught her off guard and she had to blink through it, as if she half expected Maya to correct herself and ask something else entirely. But when she didn’t, Aubrey took a deep breath. “I, uh… I feel like I should be the one asking you that,” she managed a feeble semblance of a smile, even though she wasn’t joking, not even remotely. Still, she felt like she needed to respond because Maya really seemed like she wanted to know, that she wasn’t asking out of courtesy. “It’s been tough,” she admitted. “I’ve had to learn how to go to bed without additional… help. It’s still a struggle but I’m dealing. I was let go from work recently, I don’t know if you knew that --- but I’m trying to get back on track with that. I’ve been applying to places. I just don’t really have any motivation for it, it’s like a part of me hopes I won’t get it.” A nervous chuckle escaped her as she stared at the muffin in front of her. “But other than that, things have been so much better, so I can’t exactly complain, there’s always someone who has it worse. How, uhm, how about you?” She finally looked up at her, leaving her own shame at bay.
It was a simple, easy conversation; something she had done a million times over and yet, sitting down opposite Aubrey in their favorite coffee shop was the best she had felt in a while. It didn’t matter to her what had initially driven them apart, and it certainly didn’t matter what had been said between them --- she would offer her friend an apology for that day in the hospital, but she would never expect one too. It was so much more than just apologizing for what went wrong because at the bottom of her heart, she truly believed that neither of them had ever meant the words that had been so carelessly murmured. She loved Aubrey, more than she could ever quite put into words, and that hadn’t changed with their time apart. Maya hoped the same could be said for the other, because coming to the realization that their friendship couldn’t be rebuilt was a notion she found difficult to comprehend. She didn’t know how to live a life without Aubrey in it, and she didn’t want to learn… she could learn how to walk again, how to heal her heart and how to truly love again, but she couldn’t learn to live in a world where Aubrey wasn’t her best friend and where she couldn’t feel comfortable enough to pick up the phone and talk to her about her biggest fears. They relied on each other; they offered a warm embrace when the other was at their lowest, and gave a hand to hold when it felt as if the world was crumbling down around them. They were each other’s strength, but that hadn’t been their reality for quite some time.
Maya continued to sip on her iced coffee, using the beverage as a distraction for her mouth, which wanted to blurt out so many different things in that moment. For the first time since she had come face-to-face with the other brunette, she had a mountain of questions that were suddenly flooding throughout her mind, unable to properly compartmentalize them into what was appropriate and what no longer was. In truth, she didn’t know how much of her life Aubrey was willing to share --- not after everything they had been through, and not after Maya had loudly (and effectively) told her she was no longer wanted. A small part of her hoped that Aubrey would bare her soul, perhaps not completely, but enough to allow Maya a glimpse into her life and how she was truly getting along. She hadn’t kept tabs on her well being, scrolling through her Instagram feed on the odd occasion, and she couldn’t exactly reach out to Weston and ask him either. That only left Aubrey to answer the question for herself, and Maya was glad that she did.
She couldn’t help but allow the hint of a smile to cross her features at Aubrey’s rebuttal, more concerned for Maya than she was for herself, and that was one of her favorite things about her best friend. She had a big heart, and a bright mind, and she always put other’s needs before her own; it was why Maya had been so drawn to her in the first place. She was a genuinely good person, and she deserved only the best life had to offer, which was something Maya would never stop believing. “Additional help?” Maya questioned, confusion laced in her words as her forehead creased into a frown. She didn’t know what that meant, and a part of her felt selfish for being so distracted with her own life that she had forgotten to take an interest in another’s. There was so much she didn’t know about Aubrey’s life now, or her very own healing process, and she felt sick to her goddamn stomach at her lack of knowledge on the subject. A small nod followed, “Yes, I knew that. I honestly thought you’d have gotten a job by now though. It’s been… a while.” Maya didn’t mean to sound judgmental, but more so concerned, white teeth piercing the soft skin of her lower lip before she dared speak again. “What about your old job? You don’t want to go back?” She took another sip of her coffee, not wanting the conversation to be steered in her direction at all, and instead rested her elbows upon the table. “Just because others have it worse doesn’t mean your own struggles aren’t valid, you know.” The statement was uttered soundlessly, but earnestly, giving Aubrey a knowing glance of encouragement before she shrugged her shoulders. “I’m good.”
