I have to let myself go.
I have to let go. My hatred. My anger. My jealousy. My envy. My greed. My wicked words. My toxic thoughts. I have to let myself go of all the poisons making my heart less of a person I have been. Slowly, gradually--one at a time.
One of my contemplations was that maybe sometimes, the reason why people let go of me was because of how toxic I am for them--that no matter how much I treasure them, if I remain like a vial of poison they intake every time, they won't heal. I am not their medicine anymore, I am their drug.
And so, I believe it is essential that I heal myself of myself for now. I need to be aware of all my toxicities and let myself go of all of them, in a slow process.
It is hard to let go of all our toxicities especially when we've been with it for a long period of time or when we thought that people must understand us for who we are, but honey, it won't always go like that, and so, we need to somehow change. The moment you tell yourself you'll make yourself a better version of you--that you will let the toxicities go away--then you are halfway there.
