I'm Probably Kidding

[cowboy]

Sips the last of my tea and crushes the ceramic mug against my forehead

[athinginmotion-deactivated20250]

social media has got twenty year old women thinking they have to be a "clean girl" at university with a morning routine and face masks and expensive water bottles and a 9pm bedtime. I am begging the world to let young women go through a crucial developmental stage of being disgusting messy little rats. for feminism.

[guerrillatech]

[simariethehawk]

and hilariously that is not why it is called that.

It is the circle of the bears cause of ursa major and ursa minor, and the circle without bears cause ya'know opposite part of the sky.

We lucked right into that one....

[nerdfighterwhatevernumbers]

#so what you’re saying is#the stars dictate whether bears do or do not exist in places

[team-bear-arms-deactivated20220]

Astrology is real but only for predicting where bears will be

[the-tired-tenor]

Bears do not travel to places they cannot see their gods

[hugtheteadrinkthekitten]

I've seen this post before but it only just occurred to me that there might be some sort of underlying reason that "places where bears are" and "places where people name stars after bears" overlap.

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

Reblogging for that last comment.

[cipheramnesia]

Some regions are just unbearable.

[hug-your-face]

via @swatercolor [insta]

[medievalthymes]

bro your whimsy. you forgot your fucking whimsy. your solemn and somber attitude is scaring the hoes

[wizardbones]

we need to be weirder & so so earnest now more than ever

[whitepeopletwitter]

[argumate]

the human stress response seems so maladaptive!

[cargopantsman]

To be fair 99% of our evolutionary stress response was meant to deal with far more immediately conclusive scenarios than the tedious bullshit we put up with these days.

[argumate]

very very slow tigers are chasing me

[yellbug]

not to leave a serious comment on a silly post but one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about stress was to SLEEP but secondly, when overwhelmed, lay in a bed and intentionally hold all your muscles clenched. clench EVERYTHING. hold it for a few seconds, then let go. It tricks your animal fight-or-flight monkey brain into thinking it had, and won, a fight, and some of the stress response will leave you

[creekfiend]

#turn a slow tiger into a fast tiger with this fucked up trick

[cipheramnesia]

enrichment speedrun

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

A lot of people are genuinely terrified about what will happen if Donald Trump wins reelection and it's really weird how some of y'all are acting like everyone begging you to vote for Biden is some privileged, rich, out of touch, neo-liberal when a lot of them are just vulnerable people who don't want to like...die in a brutal civil war or watch all their remaining rights get stripped away by an increasingly authoritarian Republican Party.

I do not know how to express to you how much worse it can get.

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[jxhn-mulaney]

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

[lovelydeck]

I saw him live at my college. During his show he shouted something, which spooked a service dog in training that someone had brought with them (the dogs are common on campus, cause they are learning how to socialize and be in large crowds without reacting). Seeing the dog had been scared he apologized and asked the dog’s name. Upon hearing the dogs name was “Blanket” he about lost his god damn mind he was so happy. throughout the show he kept checking on Blanket. It was adorable.

[broadwaytheanimatedseries]

This is my favorite version of this thread now

[whitepeopletwitter]

[lacapitaine-deactivated20120131]

[terriamon]

[skajador]

[doc-notreally-salas]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[rocktheholygrail]

Michael Schur’s speech at The Good Place series finale table read

[toastbutteregg]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[severalowls]

Pretty fucked up that you, personally, reading this post don’t give equal attention to every tragedy that happens on the planet every day. I heard that you, personally sometimes only hear about things that news sources in your specific cultural sphere pick up on. That’s pretty fucked up of you, personally.

[evilkitten3]

what do you mean your levels of compassion don’t exceed far beyond the parameters of what the human brain is capable of? have you considered trying harder? i am now going to misuse the word empathy and will refuse to see anything ironic about any of this.