CONTAINS GORE/VIOLENCE, WARNING
𖦹 .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱ Summary : this fic is about a fragile friendship that ends in an involuntary psychological breakdown. Please read responsibly if you are sensitive to these topics!
Pairings: Ticci Toby x reader
𖦹 .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱ Warning : character death, graphic content/gore, mental illness, severe psychosis, PTSD flashbacks, hallucinations, panic attacks, depressive themes, sudden physical aggression.
𖦹 .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱ Words : (I'm too lazy to count)
Note : this is my first ever fic, please excuse any grammatical mistakes or typos
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You woke up from a nap. You've never felt so tired in your life. You could hear little water droplets falling to the ground from somewhere in your house ,it deeply annoyed you putting you in an even worse mood.
"What the fuck.. " looking at 7 missed calls from your co worker and 4 messages you realised you were late for work.. Again.
Walking there, not even rushing you thought about how you got here. The shitty job you have at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere, barely making any money to pay rent in a house that looks depressing, wondering what would've happened if you did something else in a past situation, if it would've changed something.
You enter the gas station, looking around you see the same co worker organizing the cigarettes behind the counter, she hasn't noticed you yet. Good. You use that time to get yourself a coffee to freshen up.
"Oh! Hey *Y/N*!! Youre late.. Again.. " she mumbled the last part. "How ya doing solider? "
Katie, your fellow friend over here decides to have a little chit chat I guess..
"I'm fine Kitty, just tired" you replied as half assed as you could, not cause you wanted to though.
You walk over to the back and start grabbing some stuff you needed to organize, soon after you finish you hop on your phone and wait for a customer.
You don't really get that many customers here, you wonder how this gas station is still even running.
You wake up again, the dripping noise your walls pissing you off. Hey, at least you woke up early today.
Deciding to be "productive" today , properly washing your face and making some breakfast.
You felt a little more fresh today.
Walking to work, replaying your whole life again kinda woke you from your good mood.
Greeting Katie you grab a coffee, organize some cigs and sit at the register.
"Hey *Y/N*, I'm gonna go out on my break kay? Be safe here! " Katie says as she stuffed her phone in her back pocket.
Now you were alone in the store. Great..
The fog outside kinda creeped you out. It rolled in thick and heavy, swallowing the pine trees across the highway until the gas station felt entirely cut off from the rest of the world. The sky was clouding up, signaling for some rain. You popped your earbuds in, letting the music drown out the humming of the beverage coolers. Watching the first few raindrops smear against the glass, your eyelids grew heavy, and you unconventionally fell asleep.
You wake up to the sharp ding of the bell at the door jingling. Someone walked in. You blinked away the sleep, rubbing your eyes as you sat up. Through the dim aisle lighting, you could see a male. He seemed kinda nervous, his shoulders hitched high as he stared at the floor. His boots squeaked loudly against the tile, the only sound breaking the quiet of the storm outside...
The boy he seemed kinda awkward.
He looked around the store for a while, picking out some pre made waffles and a soda.
He approaches you at the register. Now you could see his face pretty clearly up close.
He had brown curly hair hiding under that hood, some orange goggles resting at the top of his head , a muzzle on his neck and a band aid on his cheek. He had a meek look on his face, he kinda looked like he wanted to get out of there.
"H-hey.., jus-just these pl-please." His voice was very.. Quiet to say the least. Damn. He really didn't wanna be here.
This guy looked like a really big loser but something about him just caught your attention
"Sure. Would you like the receipt? "
You noticed he seemed to have tics? You weren't gonna question him anyway
You watch the male leave in a hurry. Whatever. Weird kids these days..
It was 2:14 am, youre on the night shift feeling tired as fuck. You slept like a whole hour, might have not even noticed anyone coming in.
You lazily rest your feet on the counter top, sitting dangerously on your chair trying to listen to some new music Katie recommended a while ago.
After a while you get up to make a coffee, sighing as you get up and move around the store like a zombie.
God you looked like shit. Youd be seriously embarrassed if someone saw you like this.
The steaming coffee had barley hit your face when..
You hear the door open, you sneak a glance at the person wandering the streets this late. Wait a minute..
It's that same weird dude that caught your eye!
You honestly didn't know if you should even greet him or act like he's not even there , but eventually you give up and nod a hello.
He didn't seem to care about you right now. He looked stressed.. Now you weren't no therapist, itd be better if you stayed out of this man's buis-
Your nagging thoughts were cut off as you hear the man approach you.
" X'cuse me m-ma'am.. Hic-.. I-I'm sorry to b-bother you. Truly. I-I just..." He trailed off looking into the distance.
"Sorry? What do you need bud" you trying to lighten up the mood a bit with a small nickname.
He pressed his hand hard against his ribs. He looked so stressed I thought he might pass out right on the linoleum.
"Do you... d-do you have any b-brand of... of strong painkillers?" he stammered, his eyes pleading with me. "B-behind the counter, m-maybe? Please. I-I can pay. I just—hic—I really need them. Please, m-ma'am."
You looked at him for a good while, sipping your steamy coffee almost burning your tongue off, you just handed him some painkillers from behind the counter that the boss always had there for a while.
"Dont worry about paying, it's on the house..kay? Dont tell anyone tho.. " you whisper with a little grin.
"Y-you... hic... you're not g-gonna charge me?" he muttered, his jaw twitching under his muzzle as he cautiously reached out to take the pills
"Yea don't worry! " you said as you tried stuffing everything back in the counter.
You gave him one more glance as he stared at you.
This whole interaction was awkward.
Who even goes to the gas station at 2:18 am?
"So are you okay? What happened? "You asked , deciding to let some of your curiosity leak out.
"I-I'm fine," he murmured, his voice dropping into a quieter, less panicked stutter as he swallowed a pill "J-just... a rough n-night."
"Tell me about it. " I sighed looking around the depressing store.
"Every night is so repetitive, nothing new happens, and I get assigned the night shift all the time! Who even goes to the gas station at 3 am... " you trailed off realizing he does.
Scratching the back of your neck you laugh to yourself and gaze him in the eyes.
Ive always wanted a boyfriend, since middle school.. Never managed to bag me a dude..
You snap out of your thinking as one of his tics interrupted.
"I'm *Y/N* btw.. Whats your name? "You asked hoping for some sort of advancement in this situation.
His movement changed after you mentioned your name,it almost made you think you said something wrong. But then, his hand drifted up to his neck. Cautiously, without breaking eye contact, he hooked two fingers into the top of his black muzzle and pulled it down past his chin.
"T-Toby," he mumbled. His voice was still raspy, but the sharp, cornered-animal panic was gone, replaced by a quiet, lingering curiosity. "M-my name is Toby."
"Nice to officially meet you toby " you say as you grin and and gesture for him to take his meds.
Two weeks pass from your last encounter with Toby. You kinda miss his stupid goggles, kinda hoping to bump into him again sometime.
Getting out of bed and following the same boring routine of getting ready, you realize you're late for work today as well. Great.
"Boss says if I don't get to work on time today I'm done for.."you mumble to yourself as you stumble out the door putting your shoes.
The fog was brutal tonight. It rolled off the pine trees like thick smoke, swallowing the asphalt until I could barely see five feet in front of me. I had one earbud in, the music low, when a sharp snap came from the woods to my right.
You took your earbud out, looking around trying to see if someone or something was lurking in the woods, watching you.
"Hello?" You called out, my voice sounding small against the fog.
"Nah fuck this shit! " you mumble as you start speed walking faster to the gas station. One step. You took one step and suddenly a heavy hand slammed onto your shoulder from behind, gripping my jacket so hard you was violently spun around. A tall, dark shadow towered over me. You felt completely trapped and vulnerable. What are you even supposed to do in this situation??
Your heart hammered against your ribs like a trapped bird, and pure panic flooded your veins. "This is it", you thought, my hands flying up defensively. I'm getting mugged. Or killed..
Two whole seconds passed and nothing seemed to happened, you wondered if the individual was taking their sweet time or something.. You finally decided to peek at their face, only to be met with those stupid orange goggles.
You recognize him, It's Toby! The dude from two weeks ago!
His shoulders gave a frantic hitch, his jaw twitching happily beneath his black muzzle.
"G-gotcha," he rasped, his voice dripping with childlike amusement. He leaned down slightly, looking at your wide, terrified eyes. "Y-you should see y-your face, *Y/N*. You l-look like you saw a g-ghost."
He let out a small giggle
The sheer rush of adrenaline made my hands shake, but as the terror faded a spark of small anger flared up in my chest. You didn't run.
You balled your fist and smacked his arm, hard.
"You absolute asshole!" You yelled, though a breathless, unbelieving laugh escaped your lips right after. "I almost had a heart attack! I was about to gouge your eyes out!"
Toby didn't flinch from the hit. Instead, he let out another raspy laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He seemed completely thrilled by your reaction. He wasn't used to people laughing with him after getting scared; he was used to them screaming in horror.
"B-but you didn't," he pointed out, a sudden, playful smirk hiding behind his muzzle. He tilted his head, his neck giving a smaller tic.
You looked past him into the dark woods, then back to his face. "What are you even doing out here anyway, little freak?"
"W-waiting for you," he said simply, shrug-hitching his shoulders. He gestured with his head toward the deep forest behind him. "S-screw the gas station tonight. You wanna g-go see something cool?"
You stood there thinking about it for a moment, you probably might lose your job, but fuck it. You only live once right?
You write a quick message to your boss that you caught the flu and you can't come in today and hope for the best.
Shoving your phone into your pocket you give Toby a sly look and gesture to the woods.
Toby grabs your hand gently, guiding you through the woods leading you to the unknown.
You looked down the empty highway toward the dim, pathetic glow of the gas station, then back at Toby. Katie would be pissed if she had to cover, or the boss might finally notice the store was empty. But looking at the manic, inviting glint in Toby’s eyes behind his orange lenses, you finally realized you were bored of the same routine everyday.
"So where you taking me, goggles? " you said with a small smirk on your face.
The damp grass and fog made it look like a horror movie. Kinda creepy but you trusted Toby.
"Y-youll see.. Hic-" he says, letting out another tic.
After about ten minutes of walking you arrive at an abandoned building. It was pretty big but you wondered honestly what could be in here.
You climb up a couple of stairs and you enter a room with a bunch of rubbish and old shit. Toby hands you a pipe and he grabs one of his hatches he always seemed to carry.
Some of the stuff was already broken but there was still plenty for you guys.
You let all your anger out on some poor tv but God if felt good. Letting all your thoughts that were marinating in your brain for a couple of months felt so refreshing.
You watched Toby break some old bottles of beer and other old electronics before he turned back to you and let out a little chuckle.
"W-was that fu-hic fun? " he asked , walking closer and leaning down looking you straight in the eyes.
You nod your head with a smile on your face.
"Anything else we can do here? Oohh look at those spray paint cans! Maybe they still have some paint in them! "
You walk over to the corner of the rubbish filled room and take three bottles. Shaking them you hand Toby one and test to see if they work.
You draw a small penis you remember your classmates from middle school always drew on desks and whiteboards.
Toby giggled and followed in with some other caricatures of his own.
Toby giggled, his neck giving a sharp, happy hitch as he took the spray can and added a pair of mismatched, googly eyes to my masterpiece. We stood back, looking at the messy concrete wall covered in neon paint, shattered TV glass, and stupid drawings.
Your lungs burned from laughing, but for the first time in my life, the weight in your chest was completely gone.
"W-you’re... you’re r-really bad at drawing," Toby murmured, pulling his muzzle down to flash a crooked smile. The weird manic edge he usually had was completely softened. Standing here covered in dust, he just looked like a normal kid having fun.
"Hey, it's a classic," you bumped your shoulder against his arm, tossing the empty paint can into the pile of rubbish. "Come on Picasso. Let's see you do better!"
We ended up on the rooftop. You layed down almost immediately , stargazing.
You finally had fun for the first time in a good while. This little city is boring, and no one here is fun! Well maybe excluding Toby.
You sat up to find Toby almost on the edge of the building. That really scared you and your insistincts were to immediately pull him back. Toby was way heavier than you expected, and you both fell down, Toby almost crushing you.
He looked at you wide eyed.
"Why where you so close to the edge man?? You scared me! " you say bursting out in laughter after seeing his face and then laying back down on the roof.
"I-i-i wasn't gonna fall-hic," Toby started to space out too. He was silently thinking about your action. Doesn't that mean you cared about him..?
"Yea yea.. Better be safe than sorry." You push some of his hair back from his face and gaze into his eyes.
You couldn't really see his expression due to his goggles and muzzle blocking his face. You weren't gonna ask why they were there.
Your hand falls to your side.
"Why'd you hic- stop? " he asked, letting his muzzle drop and putting his goggles on his forehead. You could see a scar on the side of his mouth, leaving his gums and molars exposed.
"Oh I didn't think you liked it, " you trailed off "your hair was just in the way"
He lays down next to you, looking at the stars along with you.
This time you overslept. You were assigned a day time shift but you completely forgot!
You didn't even brush your hair, almost falling out your door way putting your shoes on.. Again..
"Shit, shit, shit," you muttered, .you were supposed to be there at noon. I was over two hours late. God boss is gonna be pissed! Katie too..
Katie was at the register, looking absolutely exhausted as she rang up a line of people. When she saw you, her eyes widened in a mix of fury and relief.
"Where the hell have you been?!" You hissed under your breath as you scrambled behind the counter to help. "The boss has been calling you for hours! I've been working a double shift because of you!"
"I'm sorry, I forgot, I'm so sorry," you stammered, pulling up the register screen.For the next six hours, your life felt like hell again. Dealing with angry truck drivers and counting pennies felt completely soul crushing compared to the absolute freedom I felt in that dammed abandoned building . You felt like a zombie trapped in a cage. You just wanted to lock in and get everything done but my mind kept drifting back to those orange goggles and his raspy, breathless giggle. You didn't want to be a fucking cashier anymore. You could be out with Toby!
By the time 8:00 PM rolled around, the daytime rush finally cleared out, and the familiar, heavy evening fog began to smear against the glass windows again.That's when you saw a small piece of paper slipped under the windshield wiper of your car parked outside.
"Meet me at the old water tower hill tonight. I wanna show you the city."
You take a quick break in your car, a break from all that chaos from the store. God you just wanted to see Toby.
Driving your car in the woods was kinda hard but you managed to squeeze in just right.
You left all your belongings in the car and just sat criss cross on the dried out grass, admiring the beauty of the city.
Youve never really ever been here. It's gorgeous, but you wondered where Toby is.
You hear some boots squeaking behind you and thats how you know he arrived. You sat up and just rested your head on his chest , then looked up at him.
"Hey tobes.. " you sighed,
The view from the top of the ridge was breathtaking. The entire city stretched out beneath us like a blanket of sparkling diamonds, the bright lights twinkling through the thin veil of mist. For a second, the cold wind and the dry grass didn't matter. Standing here next to Toby, looking down at a world we both felt completely disconnected from, the silence was almost peaceful.
"Wow," I breathed, a genuine smile breaking across your face as the city lights reflected in my eyes. "Toby, it's beautiful. Thank you for showing me."you turned to look at him, expecting his usual raspy giggle or a playful shrug. Instead, your smile slowly faded and you felt a rush of ..fear?..
Toby wasn't looking at the city. He was staring at you. His shoulders were hitched so high they looked frozen, and his dark eyes behind his orange goggles were wide, wild, and trembling. His neck gave a sudden, violent crack to the left, his teeth audibly slamming together behind his black muzzle. He looked fucking nuts!
"Toby?" You scooted over the opposite side, your voice dropping. "You okay, dude?"
"Y-you... hic... you're doing it a-again," he mumbled, his voice shaking with a terrifying, heavy weight. He stepped closer, completely invading your personal space. His hands were trembling at his sides. "Y-you're being n-nice. Why are you b-being nice to me?"
"Because we're friends," you said, trying to keep my voice calm, but a knot of anxiety was forming in your stomach. The old Toby I knew was now completely a different person. Your instincts were telling you to bolt out of there.
"F-friends?" Toby let out a sharp, breathless sound that sounded more like a choked sob than a laugh. He lunged forward, his gloved hands violently gripping the collar of your uniform jacket. His jaw twitched frantically under his mask.
"L-liar! Nobody wants to b-be my friend! Is this a j-joke? Did the kids from the t-town pay you? Is it a-a prank, *Y/N?!*"
"Toby get the fuck off me!" You yelped getting ready to fight back. I looked up at his masked face, my eyes wide with undeniable, paralyzing fear as I tried to pull away from his grip.Seeing the sheer terror on your face, something inside Toby completely snapped.
The fragile illusion of his safety shattered.
Toby reaches for one of his hatches, you were fucking horrified. Is he gonna murder you? Your whole life flashes before your eyes. All your mistakes, trusting this fucking guy.
Trying to defend yourself is useless. Toby is so strong. Looks can be deceiving.
He swings at your torso, your breathing became desperate and shallow. You were in unimaginable pain. Blood gushed out from your mouth, the red also seeping through your uniform.
You tried to breathe, but a horrific, bubbling wheeze was the only sound that escaped my throat. Air was escaping from the wrong place. The world tilted violently on its side. Through the blurry, rapidly darkening edges of my vision, the city below us kept sparkling, its beautiful lights twinkling peacefully while you choked.My eyes grew heavy, the glittering city lights bleeding together into a soft, glowing smear, before the world finally went completely pitch black.
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Your body went entirely limp against the damp earth, her hands falling uselessly into the grass. your breathing stopped. But Toby didn't stop.
He was completely gone, trapped deep inside the suffocating walls of his own psychosis. His orange goggles reflected the cold moonlight as his body moved like a broken, frantic machine.
He let out a loud, agonizing screech, his neck snapping violently to the side as he raised the weapon again.
Two more heavy, wet impacts echoed through the quiet night air. The blunt blade hacked mercilessly into your chest, tearing the fabric of your gas station uniform into bloody ribbons and exposing deep, jagged wounds that carved right down to the bone. The dark, thick blood poured out rapidly, pooling beneath her until the grass was completely stained black in the moonlight.
He was fighting a ghost, defending himself against a betrayal that only existed in his mind.Then, just as suddenly as it began the adrenaline evaporated.
The heavy fog rolled over the ridge, and the suffocating ringing in Toby's ears finally died down into silence.The hatchet slipped from his bloodied gloves, clattering loudly against a loose rock. Toby staggered backward, his boots sliding in the mud. He blinked wildly behind his lenses, his chest heaving as his jaw twitched frantically.
The manic growl was entirely gone. He fell heavily to his knees in the mud beside your lifeless body. His hands hovered over the fucked up wounds he had just made ,the deep, the torn flesh of her chest.
He frantically ripped his black muzzle off, throwing it into the dirt. His pale, scarred face was twisted in pure, agonizing horror. He pressed his palms hard against your chest as if to hold her together, but the hot blood just squeezed right through his fingers staining his oversized hoodie.
"N-no, no, no... hic... *Y-Y/N*, please," he whimpered, his whole body wracked with sudden, violent tics. He shook your shoulders, begging for a response.
"I-I didn't mean to. I-I swear. It was... the v-voices, they said... Please wake up. D-don't do this. Don't l-leave me."He pressed his forehead against your bloodied shoulder, letting out a choked, broken scream and a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks.
He had killed the only friend he made in this lowly city.
Authors note: phew that took a while.. Thanks for reading man :)) this is my first ever fic and I just realized how hard it actually is to write, like even if you feel like you wrote hundreds of words, reading back over it it seems like you made only one small paragraph.
Pls excuse any grammatical mistakes or words spelled wrong ,or if stuff I wrote doesnt add up sighh
I think itd be up to write more , leave some ideas if you will.
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