My name's Meagan. 32 year old PhD student stumbling around and trying to adult. In love with too many things and people to list. Sebastian Stan is a sweet baby angel cinnamon roll and must be protected at all costs.
It’s Norwegian. It’s been messed up my whole entire life. During roll call in school, the substitute teacher they’d say, ‘Brady’ and then would start the S, and then I’d just be like “Yeah, okay. Yeah, I’m here.”
hi can i request something for kotkaniemi? maybe comforting him after a game or bc of the season hes had. i love ur style of writing btw ur seth blurbs are so good :-)
Stay with me
Jesperi Kotkaniemi x Reader.
thank you for the request!! <3 i stayed up all night writing this lmaoo i hope you enjoy <3 i love kk
It was a rainy day in Raleigh, cloudy and gloomy. It was late afternoon when your boyfriend Jesperi came home from practice, he looked tense, his shoulders were tight and his jaw was clenched like he was holding something in.
The door shut harder than he meant to. You glanced up from the couch because he didn't call out to you like he normally did.
“Hey” you said to him softly.
He hummed in response, kicking off his shoes at the front door, not really looking at you. His movements were quick and distracted, like if he stopped, something might spill over.
You stood up from the couch and walked over to him slowly. "Practice bad?"
Jesperi let out a sigh, running a hand over his face, still not looking at you, he shook his head.
You reached for his hand, gently lacing his fingers with yours.
"Jes, talk to me," you said softly.
For a second he just stood there, then you saw his shoulders drop just a little.
"I'm getting scratched from the team again," he said, his voice low and rough. "Coach already decided."
Your chest tightened at his words.
He let out a dry laugh but there was no humor in it. "It's just like… it doesn't matter what I do, nothing's good enough anymore. I practice harder than anyone on the team. I show up every day and it's still not enough..."
You moved closer to him, the only sound in the apartment was the soft rain hitting the windows.
“I feel useless,” he admits, his voice barely a whisper.
You bring your hand up to his face, gently guiding his gaze to you.
"Don't do that to yourself, love."
His eyes flickered to you, a mix of frustration and something fragile underneath.
"You work harder than anyone I know. Your coach's decision doesn't erase that." Your thumb brushed against his cheek. "It doesn't erase you."
You pull him into a tight hug, wrapping your arms around him without hesitation. He resisted for half a second, like he didn't want to fall apart, before he melted into you, his arms coming around your waist, his arms tighter around you than usual.
"I just want to play again," he mumbled into your shoulder.
"I know, love," you whispered back to him, your hand rubbing his back.
You both stayed like that for a while, holding each other, him breathing you in like he needed it.
"Nothing about this changes how good you are. Or how much you matter. To the team or to me."
His grip tightened.
"You sure?" his voice was quiet.
You pulled back from him just to look at him, giving him a small, steady smile.
“Always”
Some of the tension from his face and shoulders finally eased.
Not gone but just a little lighter.
He doesn't let go of you right away.
The room goes quiet again except for the rain on the windows. Jesperi just stays there, his arms still tight around you, his face tucked into your neck.
You don't rush him, your fingers keep moving slowly up and down his back steady and grounding.
You gently tug him towards the couch. He follows you without a word of course, he always does.
Normally he’d tease you but now he just sinks into the cushions, dragging you into him like he needs you close to him.
You settle beside him, he immediately pulls you closer to him, closer than usual. You’re half in his lap, his arms wrapped tight around your waist again.
He’s being clingy but you don’t point it out.
“Sorry” he mumbles out.
“For what?”
“For being like this”
You tilt your head and press a soft kiss into his hair.
“I’m supposed to be better than this” he suddenly says "I'm supposed to fight through it, not just come home and fall apart on you” his grip tightens slightly.
“You’re not falling apart Jes” you say gently. “You’re letting yourself be human”
He huffs quietly like he doesn’t really believe you.
You move your hands through his hair slowly, “you don’t have to be okay all the time, not with me”
You feel his arms pull you closer to him. “Good” he mumbles into your shoulder “because i’m really not okay right now”
You smile softly against his temple. “Yeah i can tell but you’re not alone”
The room is silent for a bit
“Do you think they’re done with me?” His voice is quiet like he didn’t want to say it outloud.
You pull back just enough to look at him, your hand slides to his cheek.
“No“ you say steadily. “I think you might be in a slump and coaches make really stupid decisions”
His eyes search yours, like he's trying to figure out if you’re just saying that.
“Even if it feels like that right now.. You don’t stop being the player you are because someone benched you”
His jaw tightens slightly but not in a frustrated way this time but this time like he’s holding onto your words.
“You’ve worked too hard to be written off like that”
A silence settles again, you see his shoulders drop and finally relax a bit.
He shifts, tucking himself closer to you, one hand sliding up your back and just rests there like he just needs to feel you.
“Stay with me?” he asks quietly.
You don't hesitate at all “always”
He gives a small tired smile.
“I love you” He whispers and nuzzles closer into you.
You smile the second he says it, your hand running through his hair.
“I love you too” you whisper back to him and press a kiss onto his head.
hi!! just want to make it clear i will NEVER message you about paying for anything that i post or any sort of service outside of my work on here!!!
just got a message from a follower saying someone is impersonating me under the username of pennylaneficskiz, so if you receive a message from that user or any variation, IT IS NOT ME!!! please report and block!!!
my username has not and will not change, and if it does, i will make an announcement. thanks so much to the person who reached out!!
i also very rarely message people on here unless someone messages me first, so also keep that in mind!
a/n: so i wanted to try my hand at the 5+1 fic format. i got an idea, wrote the outline out. immediately fucked it up 😂 so we're sticking to the same concept, except it's 4+1! hope you enjoy it! i have ideas for a couple more fics like this with the other guys :)
summary: four times you and sebastian correct people on your relationship status and one time you just accept it
word count: ~4.1k
~ One ~
“Are you sure I’ll be welcome here?” You grab onto Sebastian’s arm to make him stop in his tracks, nervous for what was to come tonight. He was taking you to a party to celebrate the Canes making it to the Stanley Cup Finals, and while it wasn’t just him and his teammates and their significant others, you still felt like you were intruding.
“Yes, I’m sure. Everyone is given a plus-one, Chatty’s house is huge so you won’t be “in the way” of anyone, and I know they’ll all welcome you immediately,” Sebastian reassures.
Ever since you moved to Raleigh, you’ve been desperate to find more friends to feel less alone. You met Sebastian at a coffee shop on your first day in the new city, and since then, you’ve struck up a wonderful friendship. And since he knows of your wish to meet new people, he figured inviting you tonight would be a good idea.
And it was. All of his teammates immediately attached to you, all of them were so nice and welcoming, and their significant others were just as wonderful. However, things take a slightly awkward turn when you meet Jalen’s wife, the host of the party.
“Hi, I’m Drew, it’s so lovely to meet you,” she beams while giving you a hug. “You must be (Y/N), Sebastian’s girlfriend.”
Your throat runs dry and you look over at the Finnish man beside you, eyes wide with fear. Did he tell her that?
“She’s just a friend, Drew. We’re not dating,” he corrects her.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she apologizes awkwardly. “Well, you’re still welcome to hang out with us girls even though you’re not a WAG. We can go get coffee sometime and— actually, there’s this Paint and Sip event that a couple of us are going to on Saturday, if you’d like to come.”
You are entirely surprised she’s already inviting you out with them, only knowing one another for just a few seconds, but that proves Sebastian’s point of how friendly everyone here is.
“Yeah, that sounds great, I’d love that.”
“Great! Let me get your number and I’ll fill you in on the plans.”
~ Two ~
“Hi Aunt Tina!” You greet your aunt with a hug at the baggage claim area of the airport in your home city. She parts after a few seconds and smiles at you.
“It’s so lovely to see you! I’m glad you’re finally back visiting, we’ve all missed you dearly.”
“Oh yeah, I’m sure of it. This is my friend, Sebastian, he’ll be joining us for Christmas Eve and Christmas. He couldn’t get a flight home to Finland so I invited him here.”
“Finland, huh? That’s a long way away.” Sebastian chuckles and shakes her hand in a formal manner after being introduced.
“Yeah, yeah, long way away from here.”
“What are you doing in the U.S.?"
“I play hockey in North Carolina. I’ve been there for a few years so it’s become my second home. I also have to thank you for allowing me to join your family’s celebrations.”
“Our mother taught us to always welcome in anyone, especially during the holidays. We’ve had numerous guests over the years, it’s how our family is.”
Thankfully, Sebastian fits right in with your family, chatting away with your cousins and uncles who are big hockey fans, playing with your younger cousins here and there. It was obvious everyone was loving him, and you were glad that he had a loving place to be rather than his home all alone.
“So, Sebastian, are you treating my niece properly like she deserves?” Your uncle Mark comes over, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and kissing your forehead. Sebastian gives him a strange look, eyes flickering over to you.
“What do you mean?” He takes a sip of his drink to cover up the way his cheeks tint pink.
“Well, you are her boyfriend, right? You’re taking her out on dates, giving her flowers after hard days of working, making sure she’s eating and taking care of herself?”
“Uncle Mark, he’s not my boyfriend,” you state.
“Really?” He asks dumbfounded. “I thought Tina said you were together?”
“I explicitly told her we’re friends, so whatever she told you is wrong.”
“She did,” Sebastian confirms. “I’m actually seeing someone back home.” His statement surprises you, seeing as you haven’t heard a thing about this person.
“Well, this is weird. Sorry for that, but it’s all Tina’s fault.”
Mark lets you go and awkwardly darts into the living room, leaving you and Sebastian giggling to each other for how fast he left.
“I’m surprised there’s not a shadow of dust in his wake,” Sebastian jokes.
“I know. So, who’s this person back home?” Sebastian stares down at his drink with a sheepish smirk on his lips.
“Uh, there is no one. I kinda just said it so he would back off.” You can’t help but feel the slight relief that washes over you when he admits this, you find yourself nodding and taking a sip of your own drink.
“Good strategy.”
~ Three ~
“And this is my basement, I spend a lot of my days off down here,” Sebastian’s voice echoes down the stairs as he and a woman descend it into the space you are currently inhabiting. Jumping up, you pause the ambient music you have playing, startled as Sebastian flips the light on to reveal you curled up on the couch with a book, your book light shining a small glow on the pages.
“Oh shit, I had no idea your home interview was today,” you state, beginning to gather your things and turning the projector off.
“It’s alright, you don’t have to leave,” he reassures you. “We’re just down here for a little, we’ll be going back upstairs and conducting the full interview on the patio.”
“You should have told me you’d be down here at some point, I could have snuck upstairs or hid in the closet,” you smack his arm. The interview stands there watching you two interact, a thoughtful smile on her face, the cameraman attempting to keep the camera off of you and just on her and the Finn.
“Is this your girlfriend?”
That dumb question again.
“She’s my good friend. Her house has no electricity right now from the storm a couple nights ago, so she’s crashing here for the time being.”
“I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you,” you introduce yourself to her. She gladly accepts and introduces herself, asking about your situation a little bit more.
“I was giving her a tour of the house, and because this is one of my favorite places, I thought I’d show her,” Sebastian explains to you before turning to the interviewer. “She enjoys it too, apparently.”
“Hey, you’ve got a projector and a perfect couch to watch movies, I’ve been down here a lot the past few days getting some reading done.”
“And I see you have a pool table. Do you and the guys on the team get into competitions, like the Hughes brothers?” She turns her attention back to the hockey player, you being no more of an interest seeing as you’re not his significant other. You drop back down on the couch as they step over to the space with the pool table, bar, and all of his hockey memorabilia from over the years.
You listen in on his answers, smiling to yourself as he explains the pucks he has on display from certain milestones, to different signed items from players over the years. You go back to reading, keeping the music off while they are down here, your mind racing with thought after thought of why people keep mistaking you for his girlfriend.
Finally, she is content with the amount of time spent down here and decides to head back upstairs for a break before they start the full interview. As the woman and the cameraman head back upstairs, discussing ideas on how to set everything up, Sebastian comes barreling towards you, an apologetic look on his face.
“I am so sorry, I thought you had gone out to get lunch.” He takes a seat next to you and melts into the couch, rubbing his forehead with his hand.
“I did, but I got back like half an hour ago.”
“Sorry for her, too. She’s mainly interested in my home life and such. They’ll probably cut the footage down so it’s just me.”
“That’s alright, it’s understandable. If I’m not apart of your every day life as your partner, no need to include me.”
Sebastian stares over at you, a remorseful glimmer swimming in his deep brown eyes, thinking over what he wants to say in this moment.
“You are apart of my every day life. Maybe not as my partner, but you are so important to me. I could never see my life without you, so don’t think you’re not just because she deems you so. Friends are incredibly important to me, and that will definitely be brought up if it comes to that in our interview.”
“Thanks, Seb. You’re pretty cool, too.” You two share a laugh and he sits up some, reaching for the remote.
“Sorry to crash your ambient reading time, I’ll leave you to it for the rest of the afternoon. I think I’m going to make some tortellini for dinner, if you’re up for that.”
“Sure, sounds great.”
~ Four ~
The stunning Finland countryside surrounds you, trees as tall as can be and a blue sky that is beginning to turn a light hue of purple, some clouds still lingering in the space. Chatter and music fill the reception hall of the wedding venue, no one else around for miles upon miles, the perfect place for Sebastian’s childhood friend to celebrate him and his new wife.
Because it was summer, one of the best times to visit the country, Sebastian decided to ask you to tag along, seeing as you already showed him your hometown, the least he could do is return the favor and fly you out for this wedding, which he had a plus-one to.
“So is Finland all that you had hoped to be?” Sebastian appears beside you on the balcony of the building. It overlooks a giant lake, the setting sun reflecting on the surprisingly calm water, casting a bright orange glow that reflects onto both of you.
“It’s beautiful, thanks for bringing me. If you ever retire and move back here, can you take me with you?” You joke, nudging your arm against his. He responds with a soft laugh, leaning on the metal railing, appearing to be deep in thought.
No words are shared between the two of you, so it’s quite easy to hear the DJ’s voice booming from the other side of the glass, announcing that the couple will be sharing their first dance now.
“Come on, you shouldn’t miss their first dance,” you say to him, opening the door for him to step through. Reluctantly, he walks back into the crowded reception hall, no longer alone with you, desperate to share what he’s been feeling for so long.
The rest of the night is wild, with the drinks flowing, music playing song after song, the couple participating in some traditional wedding celebrations like throwing the bouquet and things alike. Now, after dinner and dessert were served, everyone spreading out to mingle and meet everyone they possibly could, you and Sebastian find yourselves on the dance floor, having fun.
As more and more people join, the DJ decides to slow the tempo down for a couple songs by playing some slower tunes, though you and Sebastian don’t separate for one moment. Instead, his hands fall to your waist and yours to his neck, toying with the hair at the nape, just to fidget with something to keep your nerves at ease.
“This has been a really fun night,” you comment. “Your family is so lovely.”
“They seem to like you more than they like me,” he teases. “You’ll have to come back next time with me. We can find a place to stay to be able to see the Northern Lights at night. I’ve never done it and it’s something I would love to do.”
“Hell yeah. I’ve always wanted to see them among the mountains and snow, it’s probably an incredible experience.”
As you slow dance together, the groom comes up to the two of you, one hand on Sebastian’s back and one hand on yours.
“Don’t you two look all sweet dancing with each other. How long have you been together?”
That. Damn. Question.
Your heart pounds in your chest, glad that Sebastian can’t feel the way you’re growing clammy and nervous.
“We’re not together,” he sighs. “We’ve been friends for a couple years, there’s nothing going on between us.”
The man takes one look between you and his friend, laughs, and then shakes his head.
“Sure there isn’t.” Instead of saying anything more, he dashes off to jump in on another couple’s dancing, just like he did with you, leaving you and the brunet man wide-eyed, staring at one another.
“Why do people keep thinking we’re a couple?” You question with a shake of your head. Sebastian nervously chuckles and just pulls you closer to him.
“I have no idea.”
He can’t help but lower his hand on your waist just a little, resting just above your backside, as low as he can get away with. But to his surprise, you don’t push him away or question why he’s done so, leaving him to feel even more conflicted with his thoughts.
~ Five ~
“He seriously ditched you?” Sebastian’s voice is filled with anger and upset as you show up at his door mid-day, a defeated expression on your face.
“Well, not exactly. He said he wasn’t really feeling good about our last date and decided to end things instead of going out tonight.” He lets out a dramatic huff, dropping onto the couch and coaxing you to join him.
“Still, you don’t break up with a person on Valentine’s Day. At least go out with them and then let them know in the days following or day after.”
“Also technically, it wasn’t a break up, we’ve only been on a couple dates.”
“You know what I mean, smart ass,” he hits you playfully with a couch pillow, eliciting a giggle from you.
“I know, but it still sucks. Almost as bad as a break-up, but I’m glad he was honest with me instead of lying.”
You are mulling over all the thoughts running rampant in your head, bouncing off the walls of your skull, when suddenly, Sebastian lights up with an idea.
“Let me take you out. You can go home, get all dressed up, I’ll pick you up at around six, and we can go to that really fancy steakhouse downtown.” You stare at him in disbelief, wondering why he is suggesting such a thing.
“You do realize they’re probably booked up for the night? It’s going to be impossible to get a reservation.” He pulls his phone from his pocket, does a quick Google search, then calls the number listed.
You watch in disbelief as he explains he needs a reservation for the night, asking for a private dining area for two. After giving them his info, he hangs up and cheekily smiles over at you.
“See? That easy. Most people don’t know, but they have private areas that don’t fill up very much. They’re mainly for exclusive people like celebrities and such. We’ve been there many times as a team, Tripp has even taken every one of us there individually to get to know us outside of work.”
“Look at you with the secret hacks and using your privilege.”
“Yeah, yeah. So, why don’t you go home, get ready, and I’ll pick you up around five thirty?”
“Sounds perfect.” You stand and head for the door, but before you leave, you turn to face Sebastian one more time. “Thank you so much, Seb. Seriously, you have no idea what this means to me.”
“Of course, I’d do anything for you,” he grins back at you. With that, you exit his home and excitedly drive back to yours, going through ideas in your head of what to wear.
When the time arrives, you are spritzing your favorite perfume on just as Sebastian rings your doorbell. You grab your pair of heels and head for the door, opening it up to reveal him standing there in a forest green suit he’s worn a handful of times for game days.
“You look so handsome,” you beam, stepping aside to let him in. He hasn’t said a word, his eyes raking up and down your body with…well, you couldn’t quite tell how he was gazing at you.
You weren’t wearing anything too crazy, just a black mini dress that ends at your mid-thigh, lace sleeves down to your wrist, with a pair of black tights underneath, and your pair of black heels in your hand, preparing to slide them on
“And you look…” he trails off, unable to finish his thought. “Oh my god.” Your cheeks heat up at his comment, the fact that he’s been left speechless is quite flattering.
“You got me flowers?” You question, finally realizing that he’s holding a bouquet of roses, both red and white ones.
“O-oh, uh, yeah. I stopped at the super market on my way over here. They’re Canes colors, I thought you would like them.” He’s extremely tense for some reason, leading you to place a hand on his shoulder to calm him down some.
“You alright, Seb?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. We should go, don’t want to be late.”
“Right. Let me just put these in some water really quick.”
Before you know it, you two are walking up to the fancy steakhouse you’ve driven past so many times, but have never been to. Sebastian holds the door open for you and you greet the maître-d’ while Sebsatian tells her the reservation name.
You pass by couple after couple enjoying plates of steak, salads, and desserts, your mouth watering at the sights and smells that await you. She seats you two in a small private room, separated from the main dining hall by a single black curtain, which does a good job of blocking out the noise echoing down the hall.
“So, are you impressed yet?” He questions with a small smirk, sliding his chair closer to the table, which is lit by a single flameless candle in the middle, along with a single rose in a small vase beside it. Dim lighting is provided on all four of the walls, giving it a very intimate and romantic setting. Something that sends your heart soaring.
“This is such a fancy place, I feel like I don’t belong.”
“Don’t worry about that. You look perfect, you fit right in.” His compliment once again sends a fire to your cheeks, casting your eyes down to the menu to avoid saying anything you’d regret.
Just then, the waitress appears, a friendly smile on her face.
“Hello, my name is Justina, I’ll be your server tonight. Happy Valentine’s Day, is there anything I can get the happy couple to drink?”
Both you and Sebastian share that knowing look, a silent back and forth of who’s going to be the one to correct her and say the usual line, “no happy couple here. Just two friends sharing a romantic date on the most romantic day of the year.”
But to your surprise, Sebastian says nothing and smiles up at her.
“Thank you. I’ll just have a water for now.”
And you go along with it.
“Water for me as well.”
“Easy, I like it. I will be right back with those.”
Silence hangs between you two, neither of you knowing what to say. There seems to be a small understanding, but you can’t quite get a read on the man in front of you.
“No wine tonight, huh?”
“No, I don’t want to mess tonight up.”
You decide not to question him and get right into a conversation about how him and the guys are preparing for the second half of the season. It’s great to catch up with him, seeing as he’s been busy with the guys since the break, and you’ve been slammed at work with not much time to spend with him.
As the night goes on and your food eventually disappears, with some few bites leftover, dessert is brought out, which is a nice big slice of chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream. Written on the plate in chocolate sauce is ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ and that seems to be the icing on the cake. Literally.
Sebastian is hesitant to dig in, waiting for the curtain to be pulled back so you have your privacy. He picks up the fork, but stares down at it before setting it down on the plate. You watch in confusion after taking the first bite of it, moaning around the metal at just how moist and perfect the cake is baked.
Instead of taking a bite, Sebastian sets his right hand on the table, palm facing up, silently asking for you to place yours in his. Instead of questioning, you delicately set your hand in his, his fingers immediately wrapping around yours. No words are said, just gazes are shared, a deep understanding settling over you without having to say it out loud.
He finally takes a bite of the cake with his left hand, nodding along once the taste hits his tongue.
“That’s the best chocolate cake I’ve ever had.”
“Tripp never treated you to dessert here?”
“He got us the cheesecake. Which is also really good.”
You two sit there, still holding hands, enjoying the cake and ice cream to finish off a well-deserved and wonderful night. You only break apart when the waitress comes back with the check, Sebastian digging into his pocket for his wallet.
Once the bill is settled and leftovers are packaged up, as well as the additional slice of cheesecake Sebastian insisted on buying you so you can have it tomorrow, you are ready to leave. However, as you two stand there next to the table, preparing to walk out, neither of you make a start for the curtain.
“I really enjoyed this,” he says with a soft grin. “I can’t tell you the last time I took someone out on Valentine’s Day, it’s nice.”
“I did doo. Thank you for coming to the rescue as well. I was really planning on sitting home all night and watching Bridesmaids. But this was so much better.” You two share a small laugh before things turn serious again. Before he can say anything, you blurt out the question that has been on your mind for an hour. “What did you mean by you didn’t want to mess tonight up?”
Sebastian shifts on his feet, taking a deep breath and stepping as close to you as he can.
“I meant this.” One of his hands cups your cheek, the other dropping to your waist and bringing your body right up against his. He kisses you confidently, yet there remains a small hint of fear, evident in his breathing. To his surprise, though, you kiss back and he can feel your hands grabbing onto the sides of his torso. It’s a short kiss, but the passion he poured into it has your head spinning.
“I needed you to know that I wanted to do that. Sober. I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”
“Me too,” you shyly reply, gazing into his adorable eyes. “And I’m really glad you did.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh huh. I’m kind of tired of telling people that we’re just friends.” He smirks and kisses you once more before resting his forehead against yours.
“Well, maybe we should fix that. (Y/N), will you be my girlfriend?” His formal question sends your heart soaring through your chest, a huge smile spreading across your face. You lean up to give him a third kiss, unable to keep your feelings inside any longer, now that you know he feels the exact same way.
“Of course I will, Seb.” He happily celebrates by wrapping you up in a tight hug, his charming giggle ringing out in your ear and fueling your adoration for him even more. “You do know we’re going to have to back track and tell all those people that we actually are dating now?”
“Who cares. I have the sweetest and most beautiful girlfriend in the world. They must have known you were for me when they saw us together, and they were so right.”
“It just took us a little longer to realize it.” He holds you tighter, almost like he’s trying to intertwine your souls as one, which has been happening for far longer than both of you realize.
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