the safe space for jen

RN ■ a dreamer, in the world of reality. ■ I'm a blogger not a writer, So expect misspelled words, bad grammar and typo errors.

[thoughtstherapy]

Which one is your favourite? @thoughtstherapy

[goldenstrawberry7100-deactivate]

My favorite is 2. I like occasionally taking a day to do something on my fun list, such as go to the movies, to an arcade, or to the mall.

[daily-spooky]

[mayyaaang]

me as a witch 😁

[mayyaaang]

Ubos na motivations ko in life, malapit na rin akong maubos. Yung drive ko to live and to move forward , nawawala na, paubos na.…

[mayyaaang]

and every day, they are giving me reasons not to continue this fucking life

[mayyaaang]

reality. im stuck here in this comfort zone and i have no whereabouts

[mayyaaang]

I guess, it is good to be back?

[mayyaaang]

Move forward ✨

[classycookiexo]

[mayyaaang]

Yan ang WHEN? haahah

[mayyaaang]

Baka kaya tayo naglalaslas para mabigyan ng rason/pansin that unknown pain na nararamdaman natin ? Para dun nalang sa sakit sa paghiwa/paglaslas yung maramdam kesa yung pain within you na hindi mo alam kung ano ang rason.

Dahil minsan we feel the pain within us but we don’t know the reason why we’re feeling that way — the emptiness.

[mayyaaang]

the glimpse of you

It was last october 2022,

the first time I met you in person.

and now I'm trying to remember every details of you.

your eyes, that I wasn't even tried to look at.

your smile that I got too swayed.

your laugh that's like a song to my ears.

and your voice that I loved to listen.

I had no chance to look at your face for too long in order for me to draw you every details inside my head,

because everytime I look at you — it’s also the time you looked at me.

I'm shy bruh, I'm shyyyy.

first draft 03/05/2023

[mayyaaang]

WORST OF THE WORST

Why of all the people here in this world!!!!! I have the worst one? I have an abusive father, a mother who was caught of having an affair, a relatives who are manipulative, and a life that is full of rejections, shitness, fuckable, and miserable life, for short - WORST!

[mayyaaang]

I miss posting here. Tumblr is my go to platform before, where i write my feelings towards my ex-gf. I am very skeptic before about posting my feelings because I will be judged, maybe? because I am in love to a girl, same sex. Posting my feelings from my twitter account would be a talking to my classmates because they're following me in that socmed. Here? It's just me, myself, and I. Ow I forgot my ex-gf knew this also, she got an access here. Hahaha

Haysss

[mayyaaang]

maybe i am not really destined to be happy. the fuck! now all i want to do is to rest -eternal rest.

title: papang, i will never respect you

your voice is annoying, and the past is coming back, tortures and unending loud voices with explicit words, how traumatic everything was before and, what sxcks? even now - in the present.

your voice sounds disgusting on my ears, awful, it was loud and making me want to throw, i don't get how you think, fxck you're the most disgusting person that i've ever known.

everynight when i was a kid, you come home drunk and smells alcohol, you shouts on the road, like you're the strongest man of all, you shouts explicit words, like looking for a fight, you amok, and it is disgusting.

your voice irritates me so well, it sounds like the voice of violence, that loudiness of it makes me want to disappear, never wanting that you're an half part of me.

you're the father that i will never be proud of, you gave damages to me since i was a kid, and what sxck? even now in the present, the past may passed by, but for me it will always be here i am carrying it in my mind - all the things that you've done to us.

[mayyaaang]

2022 ✨

- New year, new memories, but still same baggage from previous years.

- Today’s new season of my life, I’m leaving the pen in God’s hands and let Him write the story. ✨

- Let go something from the past — dreams, people, and everything that make you stop dreaming more.

I hope this year will be filled again with more blessings, happiness, and peace.

More with God.

[mayyaaang]

Dreams???

What is really my dreams for myself? When I was still young I do have many dreams in life. I have many good and positive things in my mind. But then now that I already have the ability to think concrete I can’t figure it out, if what I really want for myself. If what dream do I want. My mind now is full of questions, what ifs, maybe/s, and negative thoughts. I don’t get it why. I am so jealous from my younger self cause she got to have dreams and goals, but me? — still confused and wondering.

We tend to dream before if what we want for our future. And now we’re still in that process but no context anymore. No dream for our future. Stuck in no moves. Waiting into something magical, but no actions done. What should I do now? I wanted this concept of being unemployed but at the same time nope, cause in the eyes of my family, I’m useless.

I used to have dreams for my parents, well until now I do. Tons of plans for the future with them. Travel with them, make their lives look extra, give what they want, happiness, health and wealth, and a peace from things to bother. But look what I am doing, nothing. I am 24 and living with them. Them asking what’s my plan for my future and there I am, got nothing in my mind. How will I aim that goal? If here I am stuck and nowhere to go.

So, what is really my dream? What do I want? Hays

Maybe they’re already too old not to spoil them. All of them, from my inangs & tatangs to my parents and brother. I need to know what is for the best, for them and to me. Someone in the family can have that dream that I want for myself. My brother’s kids, they can have my dream, to become a doctor. Now, I need to think a million times, to what should I do. I need your guidance God, I need you. It’s your will God. Enlighten me.

[2103lovexx]

People don’t realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally. So, if you’ve done that today or any day, I’m proud of you.

[mayyaaang]

I need to pull out myself to out of that dark place, cause I never felt real happiness since then

[mayyaaang]

Not my year maybe, cause i wasnot able to get the PR for my NMAT that im aiming. Not even half of it