One of my friends is dating a much younger woman. And by "dating" I mean "very seriously sleeping with." The other day he was...well, I wouldn't exactly call it bragging, but he was definitely pushing the conversation in that direction.
Friend: "Younger women are awesome!"
Friend: "Well, they have a lot of stamina."
Me: "So? You're, what, forty pounds overweight? That much stamina can kill you."
Friend: "No, I mean, staying power."
Me: "What? What does that even mean? Are you drunk?"
Me: "Well, yes. Yes I am. But I'm not the one talking about stamina and young girls."
Friend: "WOMEN! I'm not a pedophile!"
Me: "The fuck are you even talking about?"
Friend: "I just think that dating younger women is awesome."
Me: "See, you're totally wrong about that."
Me: "Look, it's all nice that you're rubbing up against some tight young thing every night--"
Friend: "Nice? I thought that was, like, the whole goal of life."
Me: "Sure, sure. But here's the thing. Episode VII is going to be out in the next year or two."
Me: "And you're going to watch it in the theater, just like me."
Me: "And you're going to have a very passionate opinion about it."
Me: "And you're going to be expounding on this opinion in front of a girl who believes Han shot second."
Me: "Exactly. Now, maybe if your younger girlfriend was named Allison Scagliotti..."
Friend: "No, no. I see your point.."
Let that be a lesson to you y'all.
Whatever that lesson might be.
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