Springtime (McHanzo) Trigger Warning
Yikes… I cried a lot writing this. Sorry.
It would never be known to the public, not to his coworkers, his father or even his dear brother, but Hanzo Shimada was a cry baby to the name. When he was alone with his partner, he cried about lots of cute things. He was sensitive, and Jesse would always listen and never make him feel like a “pussy” or a ‘faggot” like he was conditioned to think of crying as, considering he was raised on prejudice filled venom, fed to him by the silver spoon of his obnoxiously traditional father.
On the contrary, the days where they saw a nice movie together, Hanzo with his hot tea with lots of honey (because he could like sweet things here too and not feel ashamed) and McCree with his coffee and cream, were the days where well, Hanzo felt he belonged.
They had a special movie they watched together that would always get Hanzo in tears, and McCree’s evening shirts covered in said tears, but tonight there were none, Hanzo simply drank his tea, kissed his boyfriend and said a kind “thank you, and goodnight” before walking to their room where Jesse sat sort of upset and dumbfounded.
“My angel face always cries to this, Soba.” He sighed to their small black shiba inu, it’s identical brother, Udon. They simply nestled into each other, sleeping at the foot of the couch silently. Jesse sighed, walking to the room where his lover was tying up his hair.
God he looked beautiful… so elegant, his reading glasses casually perched on his nose, his tattoo peaking a bit through the loose collar of his heather grey pull over and Jesse’s own boxers wrapped around his waist.
“あれ?” He glanced up his own little “hm” that Jesse had picked up on quickly.
“It’s just…” He didn’t know how to approach it as his lovers dark orbs met his, “I was wondering if you wanted to take a hot bath together?” He smiled, the lie seeping through his teeth as he sat beside the other at the foot of the bed. Hanzo raised a brow as he nodded down to his sleepwear already on. “Is something wrong, baby?” He finally asked, breaking the ice cold tension that lingered between the two.
Yeah sure. McCree simply sighed as he nodded to the bed, both men finding themselves tangled in each other’s’ arms sleeping soundly. This would continue for several days, Jesse would go to school, hang out with his friends and Hanzo to work (he was only a year or so younger than his lover but Hanzo’s intelligence and family ties took him pretty far in his career already while McCree was just trying to graduate by the end of spring time.)
It wasn’t until he was in a boring afternoon lecture about some war in Dr.Amari’s he his phone lit up silently on his desk, seeing it was from Genji he became perplexed. He hardly ever talked to the younger Shimada, he was just a boy in high school after all so his calling had McCree out of class and calling back within the next 30 seconds.
“Anija is in the hospital, our father is there … he doesn’t want to tell you, you know how he is.” Genji sighed, sounding hushed as if he were hiding off, his voice cracked a bit, “C…could you just, come please?”
McCree took no time getting there, nearly 80 on the highway on his Harley and he was there in no less than 5 minutes. His father of course gave him a disgusted look, disappointed to see the American still in his son’s life. Genji went to hug him, but was caught off guard by his father’s grip on his shoulder, causing the younger boy to wince.
“Do not touch that faggot American, you’ll catch their disease.” He insisted in Japanese, McCree just understanding the term “Faggot” as he picked up on Hanzo’s phrases here and there, especially with him still learning English every day. McCree scoffed a bit, looking at his father in disgust while still managing to tip his hat and walk into the room where his boyfriend slept soundly.
“Domestic partner. Fiancé if you will.” Hanzo didn’t know it, but anything to make it sound more professional to get whatever information he could about his partner who slept soundly. “What’s … what’s wrong with my angel..” He asked nervously as the doctor lead him out while the man slept soundly.
“He has a heart condition… I think perhaps…he might have been living with it for a while.” She started as he looked down, sitting at her desk. “I, I don’t know how to tell you this, I’m sorry but…” Jesse felt a lump in his throat, never had he prayed in his life before, not seriously at least. He did praise Jesus for Hanzo’s sweet ass the first time they had sex but this was obviously very different.
“And if a donor can’t be found… I’d say less than a month, maybe 3 weeks.” Those words echoed in his head like gun shots as he felt his life, his hopes and his dreams slip away silently as he wobbled out of the room quietly to watch the other sleep. Hanzo sighed, looking down.
He’d known all along, well for the last several weeks at least, he just didn’t know how to tell his lover what was going on. Now he felt nothing but anger.
“Get out…” He insisted angrily, never looking up from his folded hands.
“I never loved you! I hate you Jesse McCree so leave me alone, you disgusting faggot!” He began to cry and shake, looking up at his lover with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes. His monitor beeped quickly and loudly as a nurse rushed in to calm him down, escort the shaken southerner out.
In his apartment he finally did it, he himself cried for hours on end, kicking desks, scaring the dogs, breaking a lamp and drinking every ounce of liquor in his collection.
The next morning McCree had made up his mind, once and for all. He took out all his savings, all his school loans, grants, scholarships and spent some of it on a nice ring, dressed up, trimmed his beard and visited his lover who sat staring at the wall blankly in his hospital bed.
“You aren’t welcomed, fag.”
“Yeah yeah, well this fag has a question for you.” He sighed softly as he sat in the visitor’s chair taking the other’s hand. At first, it was futile as it was tugged away before Jesse shot him a look of anger causing his partner to finally settle down.
“Now Hanzo, we both know what’s goin’ on…” His voice cracked, his eyes welling with tears already as he squeezed the softer hands in his own, “And I don’t wanna live a day without you, or in regret so baby… Just be mine for eternity okay?”
“I cannot accept…” He frowned softly as he looked down, biting his lip to keep from crying, “I can’t...” He sniffed as Jesse took his face.
“All we got is a few weeks baby…just, god damn it Hanzo say yes.” He pleaded as the other nodded, leaning up and kissing the other with a sigh, their tears mixing as the two kissed for what felt like the first time all over again. “When can I take you home baby?”
“I could have left last night… I didn’t want to.” He sighed as he sat up. “I am … as stable as I’ll ever be.” McCree looked down, helping the other dress with a sigh, nuzzling him softly, being sure to inhale all his scent as much as he could whenever possible.
“I never want to forget how beautiful you are…” He smiled a bit, Hanzo blushing softly in return before looking away and mumbling under his breath.
In their apartment they made love for hours, the once passionate fucking turned to gentle but loving love making.
Hanzo would whimper and pant below the other, trying to keep calm as Jesse held back, almost unable to resist the other’s soft moans in his native tongue. Jesse would curse softly in Spanish or English, depending on how close he was to finishing in the other, only to be cut off by Hanzo pulling himself into a soft sweet kiss that only proved his point that this was his soul mate.
He took his time admiring every curve, every crease, every single contour of Hanzo’s beautifully built figure. When Hanzo wasn’t on his back, he was kissing at the crease of his shoulder blades between shallow thrusts, just grazing his prostate enough to tighten around Jesse, encouraging him to go harder and harder until both were panting and growling, moaning and cursing over each other.
One, would cum all over his and his boyfriends lower stomachs, the other in term, cumming deep inside his lover’s heat.
“Jesse…Sticky…” He panted as Jesse nodded in return, lifting the other as best he could and carrying him to the shower where they washed each other off, and to Jesse’s surprise, Hanzo going down on him for the first time, his face a pale pink as his pouted lips wrapped around his fiancé’s length, his tongue practically melting against the large throbbing erection all while Jesse had to resist fainting from the lusty image alone.
Tonight they’d let Hanzo’s dogs sleep in the bed with them, each curled at the foot while Jesse held the other, waiting til he went to sleep to sneak out to the balcony where he’d hug his knees and cry between puffs of his cigarettes. Hanzo always wanted him to quit, but this was the last and only exception. The cold air meant nothing, he didn’t even goose bump as he felt himself tire from the crying.
When he made it back to the bed, of course Hanzo was sniffing to himself.
“Please, Jesse…No more crying for me, my heart can’t take it…” He pleaded, he nodded in response but the two held each other for the entirety of the evening and cried, sleeping in the next day until well past noon.
When they awoke, Jesse was optimistic, as was Hanzo. They were going to do all the things they never had time for, but Hanzo insisted he make it to his classes for at least an hour or two out of the day. It was during that time McCree would plead with his counselor’s, explain his situation and take his finals early so his lover could see him accept his bachelor’s within the next week. That and handle some personal business in the rare moments he was without his beloved.
Hanzo used this time to spend with his brother whose childlike optimism made him feel like nothing was wrong, and that god would make a way for his brother to continue on in this life to find happiness.
But when the two were together, they did it all. Well, whatever Hanzo could manage in his health and whatever he wanted. On the first night, he did karaoke in an open bar in front of people, his voice echoing beautifully as it danced with the melody of the songs he chose. The second, dancing in a gay club, somewhere he never thought he’d get to be with his fear of himself, now he was dancing with his fiancé on a bar counter!
Their wedding was held on a Sunday, sadly it was as morose as it was beautiful. A small ceremony his father refused to show up to, but their closest friends gave pleasure in attending despite the short notice. Hanzo wore a royal blue suit with a deep red tie and Jesse, a dark black with a satin blue tie. That night, love making all over again, and a dinner with a view of the entire city. As the weeks went on, there was a bittersweet ghost haunting the lovers. The sweetness of newly wed life was nothing either man had ever thought they’d get to experience in their lifetimes. They took family photos with Hanzo’s dogs in ugly Christmas sweaters, held hands in public (something McCree hardly minded but Hanzo saw as an extremely big deal), even seeing McCree finally get his bachelor’s in a small pseudo ceremony held by the faculty made Hanzo cry in public with pride and happiness for his husband … and yet the loom of the fact that this star crossed romance was destined to end, sooner than later, had the two crying in each other’s arms night after night.
“Yes, Jesse?” He smiled softly through his tears.
“Tonight…let’s not cry alright?” He sighed.
“You misunderstand . . . these are tears of happiness. I have lived more in the last 20 days than I have in 23 years. . . I found a soul mate who loves and understands me. I believe in love now.” Hanzo smiled, all Jesse could do was bite his own lip to keep from crying. Hanzo looked at him with a soft sigh. “You have given me the courage to cry, now I want to return it, Jesse.” He smiled as he hugged the other, “It is okay to cry.”
Jesse broke down, hugging the other tightly as he sobbed loudly into his chest, his cries causing Hanzo’s own demeanor to break as he held the other. After all who wouldn’t be scared of death?
Well, there was one man. A proud hero, a brave guy all around. That man set an envelope on his pillow beside his snoring lover, kissed his sleeping cheek and grabbed a leather bag before petting his pups.
“Be good for daddy my little noodles…” Jesse smiled, each pup whimpering as they scratched at the door behind them. Jesse had always acted big and tough, tonight was the night to put it where it counted. To be a man and show some god damn courage.
He parked his Harley with a sigh, walking to the front of the emergency room with his pistol in hand before sighing and closing his eyes.
When Hanzo awoke he rushed to the hospital, eyes wide as he cried the other’s name. The envelope in his hand read as follows.
I never was a man of many words, and you weren’t for the most part either. I think that’s why we were so good, you and me. I’m not a strong man, I’ve never been smart, or brave, or talented but for once in my life I know what I want and it’s you baby. I’m giving you the only thing this poor sinner has left, and that’s his heart. Just promise me your next guy’s this good looking. Don’t have too much fun now, I’ll be waiting on the other side where the sunset kisses the mountains. That’s where I’ll be, baby. In the springtime.
The body identified was of course that of one Mr. Jesse Huckleberry McCree, a newly registered organ donor whose final request was that his heart be given to his husband, the one who deserved it the most.