Pre Promatic Dress Disorder
By Jimmy McGrew, Brogan OâConnor, Ben Kasbeer, & Julius von Borcke
When May arrives, Â a mind-crippling disease plagues the female student body. Spray tanned skin, perfect hair, and luminous nails are among the most common symptoms. This sickness is none other than Pre Promatic Dress Disorder, or PPDD for short.
Stage 1: The Silkness Begins
Just before the doors of school are closed and spring break begins, the first symptoms appear. Department stores are swarmed by eager teen girls searching for the perfect dress. The problem is, most donât know what this âperfect dressâ is. Typical answers include the following:
Female retinas are strained for hours on end while focusing on websites of popular brands. Nordstroms, Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdales, and Cusp often drown in network traffic from April to May.
Stage 2: Chameleon Shift
Two lunar shifts before the eventful night at the Marriott and now equipped with their wardrobe, the ladies prepare a pseudo UV ray effect, also known as spray tanning. Places like Almost Florida are booked months in advance to change the average, eggshell tone into a new, late sunset hue. The unlucky few who are unable to reserve an appointment must resort to self-tanner. Patchy and inconsistent, girls spend hours in front of a fan, applying and reapplying to diminish the negative side effects.
Stage 3: Bun & Done
As the sun peeks upon the morning of Prom, the girls arrive at their preferred hair salons to embark on the metamorphosis. Minutes snowball into hours as professionalists aim to enhance oneâs physical beauty for the big day. Girls cross their fingers in hopes that the wind does not destroy the craftsmanship of their hair appointment.
After the bulk of the process is complete, the finishing touches include nails, eye shadow, mascara, blush, and even a hint of bronzer. However, time may become a concerning factor in oneâs preparation. âThe key is to be assertive with your time,â says LFHS senior Bailey Ehrens. âGirls who are passive and try too hard never make it.â After asking a few senior girls congregating in the LFHS library, the average time utilized to prepare on the day of Prom was six hours.
On the other hand, boys tend to feel the sense of urgency once they notice their unacceptably filthy cars. The local car wash becomes a fortunate-500 company for the day. âI prefer the North Shore Auto Spa,â expresses LFHS senior Ryan Murray. âThe  service is quick and they really do a good job.â
Then, with 20 minutes before the pre-party begins, the boys hop into their tuxedos, fix their hair, apply deodorant, and start their cars to pick up their dates for one of the most memorable nights of their young lives.










