When I said you were my passion,
I meant that all of my favourite things to do would be worthless once you were no longer here. If the ball came to my feet, I was so drained I couldnât kick it back. I meant that my poetry wasnât the same without you, the ink I bleed smudges because right now everything is a blur. If my poetry ever cared so much as to hold my hand, the day you left would be the day that it would let go of my hand and leave me to fight alone. My passions are no longer my passions, theyâre memories of great times I had but thereâs no future in them. I would like you to know that this all worth it, because as angry as I am, I had the greatest times of my life with you and thatâs something I just wonât be able to forget. The things we said in sleep induced conversation will live on for a long time to come, in fact theyâll live on forever in these pages. The late nights and early mornings were worth it, because as you would go to sleep I would look out my window as the sun rises in bright red colours and it would remind me that even the sky bleeds sometimes. Youâre gone and the sky still bleeds, thereâs a lesson in that Iâm sure of it, and Iâll spend my time without you figuring out just what that is.
When I said you were my soulmate,
I meant that the seasons wouldnât change quite right. The Spring should bring life to all small flowers and they usually prepare to blossom and then when summer comes around theyâll bloom into their full glory but then it was Autumn and they were still closed and now itâs winter and theyâre dying around me. Even the nature that we admired and loved is dying without you, so what about me? I meant every word of my undying wish to become better just so long as you were to go through it with me, but itâs clear now you didnât mean yours. Youâre gone and everything is grey, I mean sometimes in the mornings the sky will set itself on fire but realistically itâs rare that I can ever see it without howling into the early morning hours so I tend to avoid that fire.
When I said you had my heart,
I meant that if everyone were to leave. Everyone that you love and care about abandoned you, if any stranger that befriended you and then betrayed you, left you. If you parents gave up faith and hope, if your family were to one day decide you were no longer their angel. If your body feels like it can longer go on, and your voice canât speak on anything but negatives. If the sand in your toes decided to leave you for the ocean, if the curls in your hair fade and your hair is left flat. If mistakes were to carve themselves into your wrist, if the memories were to destroy you from the inside out for doing what you did to me. If your smile is fading by the hour and you feel lost, if the meals become less frequent. If you finally snap under the pressure, if you finally give up and feel like you canât go on. I meant that I will always love you. Even if you break. Even if you bleed. Even if youâre sick. Even if youâre lonely. Even if everyone else leaves. Even if your mind is a mess. Even if youâre insecure. Even if you think that your body image is deteriorating. Even if pink peonies canât bring a smile to your face. Even if your nails donât get done. Even if youâre crying. Even if youâre silent. I will always be there to hold you. If you need someone to lay at rock bottom with you, I will be there because youâre my best friend and I wouldnât have it any other way.
When I said that I could hear you smile,
I meant that if I were to simply disappear, I would want you to know that although I didnât see that smile in person, I will have known peace because of the ring of it. I hear birds flying away when your lips decide that being quiet was enough and that it wasnât going anywhere unless I told you the truth. I meant that even if I lost myself and you were holding my hand that youâd guide me through the night because sometimes the stars disappear from view and everything goes dark. We are all just wandering souls, lost and trying to find a home, and believe me I know people make some really shitty homes but yours is my favourite. I couldnât relocate anywhere other than your lungs hidden if your rib cage because I could stay locked up in that cage until we pass and although you werenât able to breathe alone it was so beautiful.
When I said Iâm always here for you,
I meant the number is here if you need to call. I meant the poetry is always here, you just have to read. I meant that my heart is on my sleeve, all you need to do is feel. I meant there are oceans in your eyes, you just have to swim. I meant the freedom is on your tongue, you just have to speak. I meant poetry runs down your spine, you just have write. I meant that the world around me may be going shit, but as long as youâre around, thereâs still hope and as long as Iâm around, thereâs a chance youâll choose me.
So when you said you still loved me, I finally understood exactly what you meant.
blakekathryn
kaledo-art
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izzy806
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