'There is something very magical about the experience of falling in love. Emotions burst forth, and sparks fly that ignite a passion and an unmistakable bliss. When you are with the beloved, you are “in heaven,” so to speak. When you are away from them, you are longing for the next encounter and there is a poignant angst that replaces ordinary consciousness. As the song says, “Suddenly life has new meaning to me,” and they are transported into the realms of the Gods (the archetypes).
In Western culture, our movies provide us plenty of examples of this experience —so much so that we all yearn for it. We mistakenly call this love, and many find themselves searching for their other” half”, their “soul mate.” We believe that this is what will complete us and that this magic is what we feel we must have in order for us to truly value another person.
Some go on to marry the person with whom they feel they are in love, and become disillusioned when they realize that they have married a person who is not who they thought they were. You will hear couples talk about how the “magic” is now gone from their relationship. They will make statements like “She’s not the girl I married; she became someone else” or “He has changed.” The truth is most people are unconscious of what has happened to them because they don’t understand projection.
At the beginning of any relationship between lovers there is a lot of projection going on. We all see mainly what we want to see. There is a kind of veil of illusion that places itself between us and the person carrying our projection. Many times we fall in love and get involved in some very unsuitable, destructive and soul-destroying relationships, but these, too, are showing us aspects of our Shadow or undeveloped “eros” function. The word eros means the capacity to relate, to connect or create.
In order to grow and be a whole person, we need to become aware of what is really happening to us. When someone is “into us”, we need to ask ourselves, is it love or is it just projection? Two people won’t really know until a period of time has given them a chance to see who each other actually is. This requires self-honesty and self-disclosure. There is no other way to see these parts of us. It’s inevitable that they will be projected. The intoxication and the intensity of the experience are clues that we are into a projection. Ordinary human beings do not evoke the instant passion that “love at first sight” evokes.
The degree that we “fall” for anyone will be the same degree to which we will feel let down once we begin to see them as a real person in need of a real human relationship. It’s a difficult situation in this day and age of romantic illusion. We are brought up with Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty stories. The belief “someday my prince or princess will come” is part of the collective psyche. Movies like Romeo and Juliet and Titanic are examples of the modern myth in our culture that says this magical numinosity is what we should be experiencing.'
~Rebeca Eigen, Extracts from: from “Shadow Dance & The Astrological 7th house – Marriage, Partnership, and Open Enemies; i.e. The Shadow in us all”
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