Me & my Black Dog

my online repository of thoughts

[meandmyblackdog]

11 July 2019

I've been neglecting my business for weeks ever since we came back from our Taiwan trip. It's sad because I keep on putting off all the things I need to do and they are really creeping up on me na @.@ Ugh. What's difficult with online stores/business is that we have to be active in social media platforms so that we'll be relevant/seen by our target market. Some businesses use their owner's lives to market the products. I don't think I can handle that. Super ayaw ko nga ng mga "influencers" na hindi authentic pano pa kaya ako?? I try to make my personal life as private as possible kasi I don't want to explain to people how, what, and why I do things.

So how?

[meandmyblackdog]

9 LGBTQ Love Stories That Prove That Love Is Love (2019 Edition)

'Bitch, we’re getting married this month!'

I'm truly and sincerely happy for all of them. Pero it made me think na kaya nila kayang i-"legalize" relationships nila because may kaya sila. Kaya nilang pumunta outside the Philippines to marry. Paano na lang yung mga normal people like me and N?

[meandmyblackdog]

I don't know why N is being so difficult for the past few days. Feeling ko nagreregress sya sa pagiging adult. Ugh. Mid-life crisis? Napakababaw naman kung dahil lang sa s*x life namin. Sana kung sinsasabi nya what ails her so that I can help or at least adjust my actions para di sya matrigger.

Lately she's interested with the LGBTQIA+ community in IG, youtube, etc. Makes me wonder if she wants to come out na and make our relationship public. Sa totoo lang, bothered ako kasi di ko alam saan ilalagay sarili ko. Like okay lang ba sa kanya na may makakita sa amin na nag-PDA? I mean, sa part ko I don't think I have much to lose kasi hermit naman ako. Pero sa kanya oo. So I am very much torn ano ba ang gagawin. Before kasi hindi kami nag-PDA kasi hindi ganun ka-accepted yung types namin na parehong femme. Hai. What to do?

[meandmyblackdog]

[meandmyblackdog]

[meandmyblackdog]

[meandmyblackdog]

[meandmyblackdog]

[meandmyblackdog]

[meandmyblackdog]

"Having anxiety means constantly managing motion that can be productive or self-destructive, depending on how much sleep you got. Depending on the day. Depending on the Earth’s alignment with Mars. Depending on… It’s when “living with it” means learning how to sit with it. Practicing staying in bed a little longer. Challenging the mean, unrelenting voices that say you’re only worth what you produced that day. It means learning how to say, “I need help.” Trying to take care of yourself without the guilt. It means every once in a while, confiding in a friend. It means sometimes showing up even when you’re scared. It’s when answering a text impulsively and thoughtlessly is an act of bravery. It’s fighting against your own need to constantly prove your right to exist in this world. It’s learning how to validate your own feelings. That even though you don’t feel like you’re enough, and you’ll never be enough, it’s knowing you’re at least anxious enough to benefit from help. That admitting you need it doesn’t confirm voices’ lies. That taking a break doesn’t mean you’re a failure"

[meandmyblackdog]

21 October 2016, Friday

Sometimes it's sad to think that people only want your company because they gain something from you.

[meandmyblackdog]

19 October 2016, Wednesday

Today is one of those days that I had to force myself to get up and do stuff :( super struggle kasi gusto ko lang matulog ng matulog :( Tried the self-service laundry! :) Masaya naman because I like doing laundry 😉 I was amaaaaaazed with the front-load machines! It seems to use less water so mas tipid! :) Can't wait to have one para sa bagong bahay :) I realized as well na magiging mura lang sya if you do your laundry in big batches. Kasi kung small batch lang, mas worth it na magpaluandry na lang. Oh! And for beddings, laundry is the way to go! Great news! Deebee's cancer hasn't spread to her lymph nodes and other masses!! *Happy dance* soooooooo, matutuloy ang kasal!!! :) Sabi ni Emir na malaking tinik nabunot sa kanya knowing that the cancer hasn't spread. However, there's another thing that they have to think over and decide on: children. Deebee's surgeon said that with her biopsy results, it's possible that she only needs radiation therapy and pop hormonal pills along with it. The downside? She has to drink the meds for ten years which means she can't get pregnant within that time. :( So I advised mihmih to simultaneously consult with an OB re their options

[meandmyblackdog]

18 October 2016, Tuesday

Maybe I should go back to the things I love to do nang paunti unti. I'd like to finish one crochet hat for the children's cancer ward every two weeks 😊 I think it's a win-win situation for all kasi I'd be forced to finish one hat every two weeks and give to charity and yung pagcrochet would be therapeutic for me. Other than the fact na mauubos ngayon yung mga yarns ko :) hihihihihihihihihi 😊 meron na akong valid reason to buy more yarns na gusto ko talaga i.e. Cotton yarns 😍

[meandmyblackdog]

17 October 2016, Monday

Grabe, sobrang wala sa lupa yung mga bata ni Net 😕 same ng pinagusapan namin kanina re exposure and awareness -- I feel devastated to learn na nasa average spectrum na lang ako :'( sobrang nahihiya lang ako kanina na humagulgol ng iyak dahil sa disappointnent sa sarili :'( sabi ni doc na unfortunately may effect sa cognitive skills ang depression. Sinabi ko kasi sa kanya na ngayon, sobrang effort for me to pay attention and to grasp the lessons as compared before. I can't multitask pa nga ngayon in class :( sobrang kinakain ako ngauon in the inside dahil sa sinabi ni doc :( mas lalo akong nababaan sa sarili ko :'(

[meandmyblackdog]

14 October 2016, Friday

I'm currently having an anxiety attack during class :( nauseous, butterflies in my stomach, clammy, unfocused 😑 I missed the first 30 minutes of class😶 I feel like sleeping 😖 Ngayon ko nararamdaman yung difference pagdating sa acads 😖 I'm having difficulties in focusing as well as multi tasking. I feel so pitiful 😞

[meandmyblackdog]

9 October 2016, Sunday

Grabe, may sepanx din ako kay Mallows ngayon :( since Peri-peri in UP Town Center doesn't allow dogs inside, kahit na naka-stroller, we had her groomed and boarded. akala ko si mallows lang may sepanx, ako din pala meron 😖 I'm so worried sa kanya na di namin sya kasama sa lunch..I hope she's okay...

[meandmyblackdog]

8 October 2016, Saturday

Mahal's coming home!!!✈ Devastating news: Deebee has been diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer 😞 tinawagan ako kaninang umaga ni Emir bearing the news 😞 he asked agad if available kami ni Net today para sa check-up nila. Since magsusundo ako sa airport, I told him na we'll meet them somewhere in Ortigas after namin sa airport. Mangiyak-ngiyak sya while kausap ko 😞 and sa totoo lang, di ko din alam sasabihin 😶 biglang andaming kailangan isipin, wedding preps, chemotherapy program, titirhan while Deebee's having her chemo, and to sum it all out, financial stuff 😐 I'm a believer in government hospitals, as long as you search a really good doctor and maging assertive ka sa treatment mo. Kailangan naming iconvince sila Emir and Deebee to stay here in the metro habang nagchechemo sya kasi andito yung malalaking government and tertiary hospitals. I heard NKTI's chemo program is good and bago equipments nila. East Ave also has a cancer/breast center so pwede din dun. Natatakot lang ako na maging overbearing/intimidating ako sa kanila. Kaya I let Net talk to them kasi lumalabas yung (s)mothering instinct ko to take control and take care of them. Paradoxical ano? Hai. Net volunteered me to take charge pagdating sa wedding preps nila. So I need to contact the suppliers re progress reports, redunds, and rescheduling. Inaantay ko lang yung final result ng biopsy para may bearing yung balita ko sa kanila. Mama also advised us na humingi ng authorization letter na I'm taking over sa preps. Baka kailangan kong puntahan yung mismong suppliers with Emir para ma-endorse nya ako. Hai.