Kaysue @meatheeverglow - Tumblr Blog

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I cried about you today. 2 years without you, without hearing your voice, hugging you, or seeing you. Obviously all of that is on me and my own fault, but I visited my sister this weekend and seeing the signs that once were so familiar hit me like a ton of bricks. It snowed a little while I was here which was amazing! I hope you're doing well.

Syrah is doing good by the way! I thought I would make a dedicated post to her. She had an "On Cloud 9" birthday party at a bowling alley this year. Since we've been here she has made quite a few friends which is really nice. I am trying to get her into a better school at the moment as she is currently getting picked on by a lot of kids at school. 🥺 She talks about you, Jade, and Dixon all the time ans all the restaurants she misses. She really enjoys reading and drawing/coloring. I don't think she'll ever stop trying to be like Jade, she looks up to her so much. Lol She definitely sends her love.

Since you'll be moving, I thought I would share some photos to acknowledge all the hard work, blood, sweat, and tears that were put into this house.

So many incredible moments, memories, and times shared together in those walls. Of course, as with everything in life, it also had unpleasant moments, but I am so honored to have been able to spend those times with you and (what was) our family. ❤

That's where you're wrong, I do need to apologize. To you it may be long gone and in the past, but for me, my past still haunts me. I live everyday knowing I hurt you and it's such a shitty feeling. I don't know how I was ever able to do the things I did to you or why I even did them. Selfish, stupid, ignorant, and immiture actions. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I would have spent time with you the last week I was there. I could keep naming my regrets but I'll stop there. Just please know that I have learned from my mistakes, and that I live every day trying to be a better version of myself then yesterday. This is the me you should have had. I'm not sure which friend was seeing my ghost, nor does it matter, but I do know one thing, I was never in Illinois in 2021. I am so glad to hear that Jade is doing great, I miss her tremendously! Aww little Barbara, I wish I could have seen her grow. 😢 How is your mom doing? You said you'll be moving out of the house soon, which is totally understandable. What are your plans now? Are you still working on cars and helping with Back Alley BBQ? These questions may never get answered and that's okay. I still care. Regardless, I'm glad that I have at least heard from you and that makes me happy. 😊

Oh my God.. I got the job!! I am so excited to start a new career. This will definitely be a place I can grow in. 😌

Second interview today! Let's GO! I couldn't sleep lastnight and was up until 2:30, but I've got this. 😊

Your message in a bottle has been received, and with tears in my eyes here is my response.

Yesterday I had a dream about you. That's what made me check in on what usually seems like a dead end.

I had been hoping for some time now that I would get some form of communication from you. Becky had come to visit us and as I was driving, she told me what you had said at the arts and crafts show in July. I looked at her and said "He actually said that?!" and then instantly broke down and cried. (We love and miss you too.) All this time I thought you would have just hated me. You blocked me on everything so the last thing I wanted to do was try and reach out and then disturb the way things were going (especially for you and your relationship.)

I desperately need to apologize to you. You are 150,000% correct. The way I went about it all was extremely wrong, and I regret that part of it every day. I was in a very dark place and tried to drink my way through it. I was stupid and didn't listen to you or let you help me. Please believe me when I tell you that you were never a stepping stone. Every time I would leave and come back I knew the dynamic of our relationship had changed again in its own way. I had fucked up too many times for things to ever fully go back to normal, and that's the part that pains me the most. You ALWAYS offered me what I needed, and I would be lying if I said that, on a daily bases, I didn't miss what you gave me in a partner and affection. I never doubted for one second that you didn't give everything.

I'm truly sorry to hear about your relationship.

If I ask you? Lmao.. trust me, it has been one hell of a year for sure. I did have a beautiful baby girl, but I did not get married. This past 2 years has consisted of a lot of wake up calls for me, and I am currently struggling with figuring out my next steps in life. My personal growth has been pretty incredible. I have been sober since January of last year so I have had a lot of time for reflection and regrowth.

I need to thank you for giving me so many great and amazing memories that I will always hold dear to my heart. Our time together was amazing!

#Spotify

Today has been tough, I'm pulling myself up a thread that is about to break. I'm slipping away from reality, and honestly I'm completely lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I've moved away from everything I've ever known, trying to start over with nothing to my name. I miss the feeling of building a fortress and a life with you.. the one person that truly cared and understood me. I've had a lot of thoughts about you, a lot of them as I lay down for bed. I hope you're doing okay, and that you're doing better then me. I often think you were right about the things you said before I left. I suppose as you always put it, "it's a gift and a curse being right all the time." (Except for your nightmare, that wasn't what happend.)

memescog

I miss my boyfriend, can’t see him again until October

Should I be prepared to lose you when I get home?

Here we go again, this time I'm not the one trying to run, it's you. I "ran" to Florida for a bit of time to meditate. I do understand that it's both ways, we both struggle we are internally both rotting. How can we be better for each other, to be strong? Please don't leave, please don't try and shut me out. You're my rock.

adeles

The only fool I see is YOU. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

tylerknott

“Was I the devil, the antichrist of your life? The apocalypse?”

— Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

whatjanesaw

B J Rathur

http://rathur-net.deviantart.com/

I couldn't have asked for anything more. I miss your tea. Thank you again for everything you continue to do for me. As dumb as I think you are for being so nice.. it's honestly amazing, and it reminds me all over again how much you've done for me through thick and thin. ❤

forpeaceofmindsomeday

Are you really happy, or just trying to forget?

Just remember. Just because your life got harder doesnt mean it got better. The hardest path is not the right path

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Kaysue