FUCK if I know

@forpeaceofmindsomeday

I've been here for years. And threw terrible life events I had to start over.

117 posts

Could you tell me the next time that you're choking?

I'll run right over to shove some dirt right down your throat

It's nothing I have against you

You're just a creep and you can't remember the last five years

What's a bond if it dissolves in water?

I took a piss that lasted longer than you and your manipulations

Called my mom last night

She said, "Sweetie, you don't need someone

Who's more fleeting than fall"

[Chorus]

Don't you love those leaves?

Don't you wish the orange stayed forever?

And crickets sang in the night

All through winter

[Verse 2]

And I thought, slow down

Think of all the times this jerk has fucked you up and left you down

And hey, I choose my company by the beating of their hearts

Not the swelling of their heads, no

[Chorus]

Don't you love those leaves?

Don't you wish the orange stayed forever?

And crickets sang in the night

All through winter

"My Sweet Fracture"- Saves the Day

Woke up today with this song stuck in my head. Found some mail addressed to her. And amazingly it didn't effect me. And I realized, it's no longer you I bleed for. I no longer cry for you. I'd no longer die for you. There's a few amazing people in my life right now. One of them physically will do it for me at the drop of a hat. The other some times physically does it for me and it's the God dam time of my life. The 3rd mentally gives me something I've never had before. She is the most mentally stimulating person I've met. Something the last one just couldn't ever do. I honestly think the 3rd one is almost perfect. But she's 1003 miles away. We'll. Here to healing and becoming a better person for me. And only me. 1/30/21

The ghost of you won't go away

It doesn't matter what I do or say

All I know is the ghost of you won't go away

FUCK you. 3 months clear of you. Juggling 4 different side pieces. And I still have to deal with your shit showing up here and there. A different me, a dead me, would have taken this as a sign. The reality is , its a constant reminder that you did nothing but destroy me.

It's fucking strange being here with out you..I kinda hate that I still think about you. Such a good fucking day....and all I had in the back of my head was "you should be here"..

Someone recently asked me well if she comes back will you take her back. Of course my answer was FUCK NO. The reality of that is questionable. Bc I would take the gauntlet of hell id have to go threw IF I found the person I once knew. But at this rate I've got a better chance of hitting the lottery...financially or in another woman. Its just a fucking shame. We had so much potential. Someone just recently said they saw us working things out..same response. Bc the REALITY of it all is, you fucking destroyed me. That person is dead now. For both of us.

FUCK does kill Bill volume 2 hit a bit different...when you realize you're fucking bill...

1/6/21

Well today marks a pretty awful day. Just got word the race time I work for is closing their doors. Guess its just another day and par for the course for what the last 3 weeks have been.

Side note, for some reason I can't get her off my mind. Its honestly like she's trying to reach for me. I know I couldn't be more wrong about that. But I can feel something in my heart fighting to get out. Or at least get my attention. Who knows. Like always maybe its nothing.

2021 is already shaping up to be something real far out of the norm.

"I'm not hopeless,helpless, its just turning out that way" the screaming females hopeless. This photo represents what its like right now. I can't see shit. I dont know shit. What my future holds is unknown. It used to be so clear too..

Here’s a song for you… Banana Bread by Cavetown

Well...this one kicked my dick into the dirt. Idk why I post stuff for you here. I doubt you've found the work around to find me. And I almost know you don't care enough anymore. But I'm here to say I've made a personal best. I've made it a couple of hours with out thinking about you for almost 2 days in a row. Note I said almost know. I hope you know the only reason I know as much as I do is bc I've done so much. And I've learned so much from all of it. I'm sure who ever you found already is doing everything I never could. We were perfect. It was a mess. But we were perfect for each other. I knew that from the start. So here's my message in a bottle. I know it'll never reach you. But at least I can say I tried. Goodbye olive

I recently read something that stated falling out of love is far more powerful then falling in love. I always wanted to debate that. But I guess it's pretty fucking true. While watching one of my favorite shows there were two scenes that kinda bothered me. One was a three way. Which is what happened the second she left me. So. I guess more jealous then anything. And the second was a main character falling in love with someone another main character didn't like. Ive often compared myself to the character that didn't like the new love interest. Hard working. Straightforward. And loyal as can be. But always getting fucked over in the dating life. It makes me wonder what my future holds.

Fuck you. Fuck you for doing this to me. Still here. Still the faithful one.

Honestly...one of the worst parts is the sex with other people...N0 ONE did it like you did. It was a connection I can't explain...even when it was just for fun..

Today's friendly reminder. You dont know shit. You aint shit. "Stop trying to control people's lives. You don't know everything and you are a toxic person"

Fuck you. Fuck this bullshit you've put me into. Fuck everything. That shit was ment to be. You shouldn't have walked away. Im so fucking cold. You invade my every thought. And it makes me hate all of this even more. I want so badly to fucking hate you. So. Fucking. Badly.

Fuck you. Also perfectly sums up my situation.

Its almost amazing what you left behind..all this for nothing..I hope you rot in your own hell

I'm at a bit of a loss for words. The other night I had a dream. The ex and I were talking. I remember saying " do you think I'd come this far if I didn't think it was worth fighting for?!" She stood her ground and didn't see anything my way. I looked at her and could see the moons reflection in her glasses. Bit it was so vivid. So real. Almost 24 hours late I googled to see if I could find any means to it. The Google machine brought me a song ive never head by a band I've never heard of.

My question is why. Why is my subconscious trying to tell me something I already know? This solves nothing. Just adds more questions.

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