✂✂✂✂✂✂✂✂✂ @mechapilot-gf - Tumblr Blog

this saturday we like survive and stuff

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Thinking a lot about reading the parts of biographies of people who have inspired me through life where it says 'and then they didn't make anything for X number of years' or 'they spent X years rebuilding/hiding/waiting' etc.

I need to remember that the pauses in between, the 'not creating', the contemplation, the work to re-evaluate life and make it a better and more sustainable one are all also parts of being. I especially need to remember this in a cultural system that so values the illusions of constant production and acceleration.

Previously I've felt very sad with everything that has happened, because it's felt like 'I blinked and 4/5 years went by', but I've actually been doing so much during that time? I mean (being real), over the past few years I've literally had to deconstruct myself back to the most bare-bones, armature version of myself, and reconstruct everything from the ground up. It's interesting to realise how much of the 'self' as a social being can become purely survival mechanism and reflex compared to reality experienced internally. Very Ghost in the Shell I guess! All change. Physically, mentally, socially - even vocally, which most people never have to even think about! Confronting the reality of 'transition' (as it has to exist in the society/country/legal system I'm enmeshed in) has in itself been a profound creative process, with so many set-backs, frustrations, creative work arounds (expected and unexpected), but also with depths of joy and peace that I could never have known otherwise. Huh!

I'm not trying to force everything that has happened into a positive framework or make it part of 'hashtag my journey'. It doesn't have to be good - so much of it has been so unbelievably shitty! But I'm also realising slowly slowly that I am emerging from the other side. And I'm starting to feel like making things, writings things and sharing things are going to be possible again soon; things beyond survival on the horizon again!

#diary

pandorasmage

Hackers (1995)

#still cannot believe how few of my friends have seen the film that invented gender

cozyvu

Excerpt from "Distance" directed by Hirokazu Kore-eda

(2001)

infinitycutter

Takahiromiyashita The Soloist SS17 Lamb Suede Fencing Jacket

#I've wanted a fencing jacket (black) for 10 years ://

Ancient Thanet Sands | Sand martin nests (June 2026)

#ph #mine #nature #birds #photography #ecology #landscape #memory

bogviolet

what’s happening under that rock in your garden

#adventures with synth >:)

angel x demon yuri summer

#my outfit only exists to highlight dust on our mirror 🙂‍↕️#<3 #self

had a dream last night I received an anonymous parcel and when I opened it it was a large black mug with 'I WILL NEVER KILL MYSELF' printed on it in a handsome white serif font

#chat I think I have to make or obtain this dream item