An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Happy New Years everyone. I bring fic. This started out as the answer to āwhere was Una during The Menagerie?ā and ended up becoming a whole massive thing.
Chapters: 1/27
Fandom: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Number One | Una Chin-Riley & Christopher Pike, Number One | Una Chin-Riley/Christopher Pike, La'an Noonien-Singh & Number One | Una Chin-Riley, Number One | Una Chin-Riley & Erica Ortegas, Christopher Pike/Vina
Characters: Number One | Una Chin-Riley (Star Trek), Christopher Pike, La'an Noonien-Singh, Erica Ortegas, Pelia (Star Trek), Vina (Star Trek), Neera Ketoul, Marie Batel, Robert April
Additional Tags: Other relationships (including OCs), Cameos from TOS and other SNW characters, Post-Canon, Post TOS 1x16 The Menagerie, Canon Disabled Character, Asexual Character, Asexual Una Chin-Riley, queer platonic relationship, Platonic Life Partners, space mystery, Rescue Missions, Angst
Summary:
Two years after being presumed dead, Una returns to Starfleet but finds picking up where she left off is impossible ā Chris is gone, the Enterprise is away on a five year mission under a new captain, and Starfleet doesnāt have empty ships and available crews just lying about.
After a confession from an old friend sets her, Laāan, Erica and Pelia off on a mission to Talos IV in the only ship she can find, larger problems begin to emerge. Illyrians are being overcome by their own immune systems ā an occurrence that seems to be linked to Una making a form of contact with a species wiped out hundreds of years ago. Meanwhile, the species responsible for that historical atrocity and Unaās two-year captivity seem to be determined to make trouble for both the Federation and Illyria.
As the only person connected to all events, Una finds herself and her crew struggling to investigate whatās happening, right wrongs and prevent catastrophe. All while she, Chris and others try to heal from past and figure out their futures.
I do tend to be suspicious of art that really lauds and worships the idea of being an artist. Like yes, art is cool, I think it's valuable, there's a reason I make it. But let's not get overly self congratulatory here
I think it's okay to love what you do, and even celebrate that. But there's a line that gets crossed sometimes where the art goes... "unlike all of those stupid people, who just dont get it." And it's like... hey... who are you making this for, exactly?
Anything else? "The Ungrateful Hortence Fitzgerald." Was she the lady who fell out of a window? Ugly woman who fled her wedding. Backed through a window and fell to her death. If you say "ugly Hortence" three times, you will see her ungrateful reflection.
Okay, so, this is all going to sound dumb, but Iāve decided to experiment with sharing to see if it actually make me feel better. Or I donāt think it can make it worse, and my mental health is a bit all over the place at the moment, so Iāll give anything a shot. And really, if you canāt share about how fandom intersects with personal trauma on tumblr, where can you share it?
Occasionally Iāve alluded to some health issues in 2024 and also I can be quite bitter about Star Trek SNW fandom. Those things are actually connected and thereās a whole story.
This month two years ago (so July 2024), I managed to get a same day morning appointment at the GP because I had (what I thought was) excruciating indigestion and from IBS, it had been on and off for a week and wasnāt getting any better and I figure I could get stronger buscopan on prescription than over the count. Anyway, I ended up at A&E, then having three doctors looming over me telling me how sick I was, and by 5pm that day, I was in a hospital bed on a ward. Turns out I didnāt have IBS. What Iād had for years was undiagnosed gallstones and one had managed to get itself so stuck that my gallbladder was infected and my liver and pancreas were being eaten by my own digestive enzymes. So I was kinda at risk of the infection getting worse, liver failure and my pancreas becoming necrotic. Yeah.
(I was living alone at the time because my flatmate was out of the country, so thereās some alternate universe in which I decided to just suck it up, and I donāt know what would have happened and that haunts me. Moral of the story: just because youāve had equally bad period pain, does not mean that the pain you are experiencing is not clinically significant).
Anyway, I ended up in hospital for five days and despite the amazing staff there doing their best, it was fucking awful. I had never been in hospital as an adult so I had zero idea what was going on. I hadnāt expected to be in hospital so I didnāt have things like a phone charger or an overnight kit. On a daily basis I had to talk down my father from jumping on a plane and visiting because he has disabilities and I would just have to worry about him as well as myself if he was in town. As mentioned my flatmate as away so I had to worry about things like the bin was full, it was a heat wave and nobody was around to take it out and would I arrive home to a kitchen full of maggots? The situation around my health was also just generally a bit terrifying but I think I was handling that quite well at the time.
And I also ended up watching the woman across from me die.
When I was admitted, there was an elderly woman in the bed across from me. She had terminal cancer diagnosis, but she had been in for a relatively minor procedure and was expected to go home the next day. She was well enough to be painting her nails and chatting away to everyone and her husband, a small elderly man, was by her side each day, obviously devoted to her.
Over the course of about three days, she got sicker and sicker. I donāt know why they didnāt change what ward she was in - it's the NHS, maybe there was not a bed available in a more suitable ward - but they kept on bringing in more equipment. The ward staff let her husband sleep in a cot beside her bed.
And yeah, she died. And I saw the expression on her husbands face when he realised, and thatās how I learnt that nurses (at least on this ward) ask for permission and talk the dead through what they are doing with their bodies.
Just writing this Iām crying a bit.
So there I was, in a hospital bed, incapable of escaping my physical circumstances and desperately looking for some kind of escape. Fandom will help with that, right?
Wrong. Because a season three sneak peak had just been released for Four and a Half Vulcans, and even though the actual episode would not air for over a year, SNW fandom was just wall to wall complaining about it. Tumblr, Discord, Reddit, Youtube commentators. My fucking god, it was inescapable.
I had just watched a woman die, I was scared about my own health, I needed escape, and fandom felt like it failed me in that moment because it had become a hate pile on about a two minute fucking clip for which they didnāt even have the full context (Iām not here to debate the problems and merits of Four and a Half Vulcans, and I will block anyone who is clueless enough to use this post to do so).
Anyway, those two events have become strangely linked in my mind. I see Star Trek fandom bitching something and I think about sitting in a hospital bed, watching a woman die. IDK. Itās irrational. Iāve got trauma.
The show itself is fine. Hell, thereās a bit in season three where Marie snaps as Chris and put into words the frustration I felt having to look after other peopleās emotions when I was going through some shit and that actually really helped me.
Itās the fandom that brings up all this shit.
On the health front, I got my gallbladder removed two weeks after I was discharged and ended up in hospital for another five days again in December 2024 because it turns out you can still have gallstones looming about without a gallbladder. I live in paranoia of it happening again, but thatās just something I have to deal with.
(That time in December 2024 I shared a room with a woman who likely had come kind of uterine cancer, but every time they booked in a scan, she was pregnant again so it had to be rescheduled. Sheād had problems for years, but kept getting pregnant. It had got to the point she was bleeding and they were having to do blood transfusions, but again she was heavily pregnant so their options were limited. She had a lot of children under five and I had to listen while she pleaded with her partner on the phone not to get drunk because with her in hospital they would take her children away).
Iāve had to come to the realisation Iām incredibly thin skinned when it comes to fandom stuff now, and I unfollow and block and Iāve left a lot of fandom spaces. And it sucks because I want to be there for the positive stuff, but I just cannot handle the negative.
I also canāt drink alcohol and if I eat anything too fatty I get paranoid Iāll get sick again which also fucking sucks.
So yeah, itās the two-ish year anniversary of that happening and season four is about to air and the past week my anxiety is through the roof so I though I would write this down to see if I can exorcise some of my issues, also explain if I start acting really angry or weird or something, that just may be my anxiety talking. Or if I just suddenly go quiet and take some time out.
But if you take one thing from this, I cannot stress enough, do not gaslight yourself into thinking that pain that keeps you awake at night hunched over and rocking is insignificant.
(Also, I ate some cheese this afternoon so thereās a possibility this will all happen again (additional context: the July 2024 and December 2024 things happened after I ate cheese. Probably correlation rather than causation. Iāve been vegan since 2019 but I used to be chill about accidentally eating cheese. I miss being chill about accidentally eating cheese cos it made holidays easier ā misreading a menu doesnāt lead to anxiety meltdown. So Iām doing an exposure therapy thing before my next holiday which will ultimately help with my anxiety, I hope)
Anyway, between this and the cheese, Iām going out the way this weekend to try and deal with my issues.
I get in theory why people complain about het ships or whatever, I get wanting to watch queer media I really do, but I guess where yāall lose me is like. I saw some asshole on a post about Sinners complaining it was āhetslopāāthis person was specifically doing so while also claiming Remmick was a queer character and thus they were justified in caring more about him than the Black protagonists. which is a whole other disgusting can of worms that has been well addressed by others at this point. but even in the absence of that part of the argument, like, no, i actually donāt think that a hunger for queer stories is an especially good excuse to deride and dismiss a piece of landmark Black filmmaking, especially as a non-Black person. I have a post thatās been going around encouraging folks to engage with more Native stories and characters, and I had someone come onto that post saying in the tags that theyād need these stories to be queer in order to care. and I just think that, you know, sucks! like obviously as a queer Native I also want to see more of those stories too. but idk how else to put it other than to say that Black people and people of color shouldnāt have to be like you in order for you to care about our narratives and experiences. and I think some of yāall are using this disdain for heterosexuality as a cover for your unexamined racial biases. itās not okay to be racist to people just because those people happen to be straight, and you continue to be white before you are queer.
on an even more basic level than that, also, I simply just think some of yāall NEED to learn how to interact with media and storytelling without ships and fandom in mind. like if not being able to write fic about two men kissing is genuinely going to be a dealbreaker for you I think thatās actually something you need to work on within yourself because at that point I think youāre no longer really interacting with art and themes and narrative so much as just kind of playing with toys. which is, like, fine I guess. have fun. but it wouldnāt kill you to disengage from that from time to time. especially if would allow you to actually appreciate rich and deeply moving cultural stories from communities of color that you desperately need to learn how to see as human
