Anxiolytical.

Gay. Chinese-Canadian. Future/current medical professional. Thoughts and musings.

[great-tweets]

[source]

[girl-sim-deactivated20230806-de]

FREE HIM

[girl-sim-deactivated20230806-de]

HE CAME BACK

[nateswinehart]

You gotta have a plan…

[medicasian]

Unease

I swallow my indecisiveness. It’s hard to process my own feelings. Is it guilt? Is it shame? Is it sadness? I think it’s disappointment. He says it’s okay. I think it will be okay. Nevertheless these anxious feelings crawl up my skin. It’s hard to find peace of mind. It’s hard to remember what that felt like. What if things don’t work out? What if we are wasting each other’s time? Who is missing out?

Nothing is perfect. It’s okay if we make mistakes: if I make mistakes. I know this... But I don’t feel it. I’ve gone through some pretty messed up things - nothing like true hardship. I haven starved; I haven’t had to fight for my living, or for my privilege. I take so much for granted. I try to be grateful - think grateful - live grateful; but, sometimes I just feel petty. Petty, small, insincere, terrible, thoughtless, and selfish. I don’t know - am I these things? Can I protect my fragile ego with objective lists of compliments that my close friends will dole out at request? Or is that further example of my shallowness, and my need for confirmation bias?

It doesn’t feel like depression. It doesn’t feel like generalised anxiety or panic disorder. It’s not affecting my social or professional being, and these feelings are not foreign to me; they come and they go. Like ebbs of the tide, I worry they erode the soul, the goodness that I know lurks somewhere within the core of my body.

Be vulnerable, they say. What if vulnerable isn’t me? Denial is bad. Projection is bad. I identify my defences before they even reach battle. There is no battle to be fought if there is no battalion. I worry that I can’t win a war if I don’t even know whether I am morally justified to do so, whether I deserve to win. Whether I deserve anything really.

That sounds like shame.

[sleeping--hollow]

Simon romanticising legit the first person who pays over a second of attention to him and immediately thinks they’re gay is a total mood.

[medicasian]

“Choose discomfort over resentment.”

- Brene Brown

[shencomix]

[goodbearcomics]

Merry Christmas everyone!

[swagintherain]

White privilege can also be hard…

[postingwhileblack]

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO I’VE EVER SEEN

[last-bi-in-town-deactivated2023]

Dear God….

[glycdiallan-deactivated20220127]

I am fucking dying omg

[growlift-deactivated20161002]

I’m the second “Berkley” yell

[coleyyoung]

Oh my fucking god

[i-mister-completely]

Always reblog.

[30knight]

start of a comic i am doing. it might be a big one, since i’ve not felt so sure of a feeling for so long in a while, even if it’s a little negative.

[wnq-writers]

Please don’t hold back on me. Tell me that you miss me. Tell me that you stayed up late cause you couldn’t stop thinking about me, about us. Tell me about the dreams you have with me. Tell me about the way I make you happy. Don’t pretend to have no feelings. Love is not a weakness, and if it is, let’s all be weak, let’s all tell people why they mean so much to us.

falling-apartt (via wnq-writers)

[localstarboy]

Burger King just released one of the best anti-bullying PSAs I’ve ever seen

[myflairway]

EVERYONE SHOULD REBLOG THIS! WATCH THIS AND LEARN!

[reybenrose]

Important!

[loafed-beans-deactivated2020082]

I know many of you out there are feeling a bit down. Have a crow to Wouldn’t it be Nice by the Beach Boys to lift your mood.

[piecomic]

[tastefullyoffensive]

by Pie Comic

[tritaniumwhite]

Tips on how to keep high metabolism ?

I have a naturally fast metabolism which is often great but it also means my body will consume itself during time of stress. I’m not sure about tips to kickstart your metabolism nutritionally, by in my experience, excessive cardio will make you ravenous and willing to eat anything. I would burn 2000-3000 calories by cycling so naturally I had to eat over 5000 calories. But I don’t cycle anymore. I am, however, taking a culinary medicine course. Here are some general tips for nutrition:

- Calculate your caloric needs and basal metabolism online. This will give you a good goal when you are “counting calories”.- 3500 calories = 1 lb, meaning if you can decrease your basal (baseline) calories per day by 500, you’d lose 1 lb in a week. I’d recommend not trying to reduce 500/day since that’s difficult.- Aim for the Mediterranean Diet. No, this isn’t kebabs and lamb. This is a deemed one of the most healthiest diets in the modern world.- Make small edible changes to your favorite foods instead of drastic changes to a meal. E.g. Add chopped vegetables to spaghetti sauce to thicken up the sauce. Choose wheat noodles over plain.- Read nutrition labels and ingredients religiously. Ground turkey is almost equal in terms of nutrition as beef even though we think turkey is always better. Turkey bacon may have less fat than real bacon but it’s double in salt to compensate (big deal for hypertension). - Frozen >>> canned.- Eat mindfully - meaning, don’t eat that bag of hot Cheetos while binging Friends. You should not be a zombie to your Frito chips. Also there’s no such thing as a break, Ross.- Diets may “work” but it’s all about sustainability. The rebound from doing fad diets could hurt you more than the diet could help.

I might add more thoughts as I remember it.

[medicasian]

This is a really great post. Other fun facts:

1. Mediterranean diet is really the only diet validated for decreasing stroke risk.

2. Weight loss goals can be difficult to determine; 5-10% with sustained weight loss for 6+ months is ideal if trying to lose weight from a health perspective.

3. Trying and being unsuccessful counts! At least from a health outcome and mortality risk perspective when battling obesity! (Gregg et al, Ann Internal Medicine 2003).

[draincock]

[medicasian]

I have not written anything for a very long time. Partly this has been due to being busy, but admittedly mainly laziness. Big updates in life: (1) So I'm officially in a relationship now! It feels like it's been a long time, and I can't remember how to do 'this', but overall I'm happier than I have been in a long time. He's like sunshine, and all kinds of silliness. He is a bit taller than me, a bit younger, but we come from such different worlds (medicine vs design) that I feel we grow a lot by being together. He has an aptitude for picking things up, and managed to figure out how congenital adrenal hyperplasia works without me explaining it to him. And he did not even do biology in high school. What a guy! It feels like we have been dating a lot longer than we actually have, and part of me is anxious about the future... but, I figure that if it's worth figuring out, we will figure it out! (2) I'm now almost... halfway done my residency. Urgh. I have been in school for now 10 years since I graduated high school. I warn all the undergrad students in Canada... beware! Stop while you're ahead and choose something simpler and shorter! I suppose that I'm starting to get good at neurology, but there is so much to know, that I feel I will always have an inferiority complex and a 'what-the-heck-am-I-doing-complex'. It's a fine balance of acting confident, feeling like I personally don't know anything, and knowing that nobody knows anything. Oh, medicine. (3) I'm currently on a train to Nara from Kyoto and travelling with both my parents and one of my junior resident colleagues who coincidentally is also my age from my hometown. I am learning that I do not enjoy balancing too many people's needs. I think I travel best with... a lover. Maybe I'll be able to tolerate my own children. The main problem is that I'm not out to any of my present company, and that their needs and desires are so different. I'm ending up as a translator, despite the fact that my last Japanese course was... 10 years ago. Japanese 101. At least I made good use of the money for that course. And no anaphylaxis... yet! (4) On the topic of anaphylaxis, this has started to increase in frequency over the past few years. I've gone to the hospital for epinephrine a couple more times than I think anybody is comfortable with. My reactions have been a bit unpredictable too, which is not a good thing. I guess if you stop seeing any kind of activity on my tumblr page, assume the worst. That was probably a feeble cry for attention. Oops. (5) Gaysian tumblr friends... everyone seems so far removed these days. It's certainly multifactorial and I am likely to blame for most of my perception of isolation. I'm not good at keeping in touch when I'm working or with my boyfriend. Fortunately, I've gotten to meet a lot of the community over the years of travelling, but it's so hard to keep meaningful and regular friendships on an international scale. Nobody ever visits Ontario outside of Toronto which is also a shame, since I have a guest bedroom too. I'm probably just a bit friend-lonely. I don't know if it's residency, my erratic schedule, the smallness of this town, or my personality. Likely multifactorial. I miss you guys... do you miss me too? We recently had a wellness session and I felt for my mental wellbeing I should diary or blog more. Perhaps that will become a reality. I've also attached random pictures from my trip. Yay Japan!

[jimbenton]