#whyiamisosensitive seriouslysomethingwrongwithme identity

[medicasian]

“Choose discomfort over resentment.”

- Brene Brown

[medicasian]

Identity

I was reflecting on why I don’t post on tumblr very much – okay let’s be honest… like at all – even though there are thoughts I have that I would like to share. I thought it was the professionalism thing – and that’s true; but, when I think deeper about it, it’s more about identity. I’m more worried about what somebody thinks, who is a million miles away and whom I may never meet, as opposed to somebody who I know – and someone who I can actively not care about.

If someone in real life tells me straight up, “You’re so annoying,” or “I don’t like your guts,” it is at that point that I can analyze their character and worth in my life. I can then validate their comments against my subjective view of myself in my world, and usually just think, “Whatever. I got friends, self-esteem, rainbows, and happiness, and you can just shove your negativity up your ass, as I continue to make social niceties to you.”

However, in the tumblr world, it’s like, “Oh no! Why would someone say something like this to me? Do I come across like this to everyone? Out of my sample size of two messages, 50% are negative impressions, so 50% of the world must negatively view me. Oh, le sadness.” I feel like identity – as much as we want to view it as ‘sense of self’ is very much a social construct. I will strive more to overcome this irrationality, and put myself more out there.

Tl;dr – I’m scared of what anonymous people from around the web think about me more than the people I know locally, and that seems freaky. : /