[Gemma stands up, readjusting her many layers of clothing to better cover her body. For a moment, the shape of her body seems somehow abnormal, but it’s too quick to pinpoint.]
Gemma: Yeah, sh-I’m mostly looking for metaphorical stuff. Turns out the deus ex machina works best for actual deities.
[Her quick smile reveals teeth faintly tinged with the same greenish liquid as before. It and her second sentence are a little too quick, actually, like she’s trying to distract Megan from the half-spoken “she” in the sentence before.]
Gemma: That doesn’t seem fair - blaming you for other people’s handwriting. I hope they’re at least nice at other times?
[Gemma’s tone suggests that she doesn’t really believe they are - it could just be a general distrust of anyone working at the Institute, or there could be something else going on.]
Gemma: Or maybe they’ve been tricked by your competence. You really know what you’re doing, hm?
[Her hand moves to the collar of her outermost jacket, like she’s trying to flick the garment off her shoulder and expose a slice of skin. She’s wearing about three jackets and at least five shirts with various shapes and cuts, though, so it doesn’t really work.]
[She follows Megan down the hall, noticeably calmer than before. Her nervous fidgeting has downgraded into the occasional glance into the upper corners of the hallway, quick and furtive like she expects to spot something looking back.]
Gemma: You mentioned theories? What’s been on your mind lately?
[Megan catches the stumble over “she” immediately, still, she politely pretends not to. Her gaze stays firmly ahead as they walk, fingers hooked loosely around the edge of the approved paperwork.]
“Yeah, actual deities do seem annoyingly hard to work with though.”
[Megan hums thoughtfully.]
“Or maybe they’re just picky about symbolism. Which honestly? Fair enough. If I was an ancient cosmic force I’d probably be picky about that too. What even are they without the image they, or their followers represent?l
[At the comment about the others, Megan laughs softly through her nose, pushing open a heavy door leading deeper into the Institute.]
“They are nice! Mostly.”
[she insists automatically, before wavering.]
“Okay, well. Martin’s nice all the time. Tim’s nice when he remembers to sleep. Sasha was nice but she, she doesn’t really talk to me anymore...”
[A pause.]
“And Jon’s…”
[She tilts her head, considering.]
“Jon tries.”
[There’s no malice in it. If anything, it sounds fond.]
“I think everyone here is just really tired. Which makes people sharp around the edges.”
[She glances sideways at Gemma with a quick grin.]
“Compared to most statement-givers, they’re angels.”
[The compliment about competence catches her visibly off guard. Megan almost misses a step. Well they stumble slightly, but catch themself.]
“Oh-”
[Her shoulders rise slightly.]
“Thanks.”
[A nervous little laugh.]
“I mostly just talk confidently and hope nobody notices I’m anxious as I am.”
[She lowers her voice conspiratorially.]
“It works surprisingly often.”
[As Gemma fusses with her collar, Megan’s eyes flick instinctively toward the movement. Again, there’s that strange almost-not-right shape beneath the layers, but Megan pointedly drags her attention away before it can settle. The corridor lights buzz faintly overhead. The deeper they go, the quieter the Institute becomes, thick with old paper and dust and something older underneath it. At the mention of theories, though, Megan brightens immediately.]
“Oh my God, okay.”
[Her entire face lights up.]
“I have SO many theories.”
[She adjusts the stack of papers against her chest.]
“The big one right now is the Extinction.”
[Her tone drops slightly, excitement tempered into seriousness.]
“Everyone talks about it like it’s this possible new Fear that hasn’t fully emerged yet, right? But I don’t think it’s actually new. I think it’s just… dormant. Or incomplete. It’s not like humans just recently came up with the concept the that world could go extinct. Hell that been going on for years, but people aware of the fears probably thought it was Slaughter or End related.”
[She gestures vaguely as they walk.]
“Because extinction itself isn’t really one fear. It’s all of them at once.”
“The fear of becoming obsolete, being replaced, the end of humanity, losing the world you recognise, losing meaning, losing purpose, losing continuity.”
[She glances upward briefly.]
“And unlike the End, it’s not about death. Death’s normal. Extinction is about there being nobody left to remember you died at all.”
“I think that’s why it scares the Eye less than it should. What’s knowledge worth if there’s nobody left to know things? In fact, it’s almost appealing. It’s probably why no other eye avatar ps has really seen it until now, I don’t think my patron would care if humans went extinct, there’d be another thing to watch.”
[A beat passes before she brightens again abruptly, like she caught herself spiralling too hard.]
“Anyway!!”
[she says cheerfully.]
“My OTHER theory is way less depressing!!”
[She points ahead as they near the library doors.]
“I have this ongoing theory that Jesus Christ was basically the opposite of an avatar.”
[She says this with the exact confidence of someone who has spent entirely too much time connecting red string on a corkboard.]
“Like, okay, think about it.”
[Megan starts counting points off on her fingers.]
“He strongly criticised religious leaders who use guilt, status, or legalism to control people, anti-Web. He healed sickness, anti-Corruption. Fed people, anti-Flesh, well the hunger aspect. Comforted the lonely and afraid, anti-Lonely obviously. Sacrificed himself willingly and promises to resurrect others after their deaths which messes with the End because resurrection kind of ruins the whole inevitability thing. He calls himself “the light of the world” and says light drives out darkness, and literally lets blind people see again, anti-Dark. And there’s so much more but if I mentioned everything I’d be talking for hours.”
[She glances at Gemma, clearly trying to gauge whether she thinks they sound insane yet.]
“And most importantly?”
[Her voice drops dramatically.]
“God, and his angels kept telling people ‘be not afraid.’ Constantly. Like constantly. And then he prophecies his son to come down to save humanity from sin.”
[Megan pushes open the library door with her shoulder. Warm lamplight spills out across rows and rows of old shelves.]
“And if the Fears feed on fear…”
[she says quietly, almost reverently.]
“Then what would the opposite of that even look like??”
[She blinks, then immediately flushes.]
“Sorry, that probably sounds completely insane.”
[They grin sheepishly.]
“I grew up Catholic and then got handed forbidden knowledge at sixteen, so some wires crossed a bit. I’m pretty sure I’m still catholic but like… I don’t know. Religion is hard when life gets hard I guess.”
[She steps aside politely to let Gemma enter first.]
“But! Welcome to the library.”
