i have no friends and i never leave my house

[lukehcmmngs-deactivated20240101]

gutted. it's not a boyband, it's just a band ... full of boys. cute that you were talking to your kids about the band though. are they fans like their mum? i'll have to hook you all up with some tickets for the next tour if you are. would've invited ya this time but i was afraid for my life. sorry.

[meganzfoxy]

aw, cute. i will continue to call you boyband now just because of that. boybands are adorable so you should be proud. they are fans, me? i'm just mildly amused. no, kidding, don't wanna hurt your feelings just because you didn't invite me out. make it up to me in some way, vip for the next time or you will be very very afraid luke, i swear. in a sweet way, of course.

[dvecamern]

i'll be giving up my 'number one megan fox fan' title now. gonna hand it to someone more deserving. oh babe, i'm setting aside a whole weekend to read it. you think you could defend your house from two idiot thieves? because i feel like you could. you've got bad ass written all over you.

[meganzfoxy]

perhaps i'll send you to megan fox bootcamp, be sure you get back on top. mixing up reading with some quiz time or something i don't even know, i'm not interesting. bitch, i absolutely would have their asses on my front porch in no time. i wanna believe, anyway.

[dvaslipas]

girl, it's been five days since i've released houdini and i have yet to hear how hot i look in the music video from you and how you wouldn't say no to me if i'd hit on you in a bar or how cherry coke is just my colour. where you at ? do i need to find myself a new hype woman ? / @meganzfoxy

[meganzfoxy]

please, the only reason i've not yet contacted you about it girl is because i'm still coming down from like, a high of orgasms from just watching you because damn, you're so fuckin' fine my lady. no one does this better than you. teach me your secrets please and thank you. i'm home, as always, you know. okay i've been promo-ing the new book but other than that? come visit and let me see your glow up close.

[askarsx]

damn, the one time i wasn't asked about new music when i actually have a new single coming out soon, rip. no tour plans however and still cackling over the fact that people think i'm sleeping with my chiropractor and life coach. thank heavens she also has a good sense of humor about it. i'm a salted peanut butter cookie kind of guy, those are fire. gingerbreads too but i like to eat them with blue cheese, which makes me a weirdo in my family. do you enjoy the cooking and the baking part of holiday prep usually?

[meganzfoxy]

oh i hope you didn't take it personally, i'm not very good with keeping up with actual things. i speak up about stuff months after, thinking i'm in the zone. you know how it is, maybe. you know a chiropractor seems like someone that would know real good sex so it would be good on you. blue cheese? you weird silly little canadian man. what to do with you? salted peanut butter sounds like heaven though. i love to bake, especially with the kids. they might not always do baking and more eating batter but you know, family?

[meganzfoxy]

what's the worst thing someone's said to you about boinking spider-man? because i can hear all the crude jokes and comments and some of them... must be absolutely hilarious. i have some ideas but i don't wanna spill, might have to keep them for when i need to impress with some witty remarks. / @zencaya

[meganzfoxy]

i don't even know if i wanna be you or hate it, but god am i jealous of outer banks. please let me shoot some shit on a beach with dramatic lines and everything. the sun, most of it. plus, some eye candy doesn't hurt either. i'm so behind though, are you still working on it or is it finished? / @itsmcline

[meganzfoxy]

i guess you're sick and tired of hearing when you're gonna tour again and how's everything going and which old lady you're banging right now so, this is me, asking if you have some favourite christmas cookie recipes to share. feel like spicing it up with something new this year so, this is what i ask of everyone. / @shawnmcndesxo

[meganzfoxy]

so oops, did i accidentally call your band a boyband to my kids? yes, i did. is it a boyband? or is this one of those sensitive subjects where i get caught with a high heel in my mouth? no one knows. either way, hear your tour was amazing and yours truly did not get an invite. i know i'm the old man eating lady but, come on dude. / @lukehcmmngs

[taylorsverslon]

Do I keep extending dates to my Era's Tour? Yes. The plan is to keep doing this until I'm basically unable to walk, talk or write. I'm having a blast. This truly is the best expierence of my life and I can't wait for it to continue. Unfortunately, it has kind of ate away at my schedule. I'm trying to keep on top of everything but some things are being lost in translation along the way. What's going on with you guys? At least let me pretend I'm in the know. @scandaloushqstarters

[meganzfoxy]

girl, please give me some of that energy. i feel i'm doing a lot and still, i'm not the one doing three hours of shows a night and travelling the world. book promo is enough for me, and the three boys that soon heads into teenager years, please and thank you. how are the cats?

[dvecamern]

you won't ever hear me argue that. please do! i can't believe i'm just now learning about this. what else have you been doing these days? i need to make sure i'm keeping up with all things megan fox related. to be fair, most men are shit so this sounds like something right up my alley. that kid was a psycho and i love it.

[meganzfoxy]

oh no worries, the world is insane and crazy so i don't judge you for not having that in your near orbit. we'll be sure you can read up on it, if you have time. he absolutely was a psycho and i can relate to him! what an icon he was.

[femalestunning]

meganfox: an author 🤪

[dvecamern]

an orgasm is a really good distraction, especially if it's someone else giving it to you. you might be onto something here, babe. wow, a book? talk about living under a rock. what's the book about? and more importantly, what's your favorite christmas movie? if it's not elf or home alone then i might need to rethink this friendship.

[meganzfoxy]

oh honey boo, that's absolutely true. though i must say sometimes? the best orgasms are the ones you give yourself. no one knows you like you do, babes. oh let me send you a copy, it's a poetry book about how shit men are basically, if you trust the media, so honestly you're in for a treat. bitch please, as if i could ever have another favourite than home alone? i'm not a psycho! kevin mcallister owns me.

[dvecamern]

what's your best tip for calming down before releasing something big? it could be an episode, an album, a movie -- i don't care. i just need something to settle these nerves. the first half of my album comes out soon and i feel like i've been on edge since announcing it. one bad review and i'm leaving the music game forever. @scandaloushqstarters

[meganzfoxy]

oh, is this when i don't say an orgasm? nothing calms you down as much as a good one, honey. no but honestly, i feel it's different with things for everyone. when my book came out now i was more on edge than with movie projects, needed a good lot of junk food and to disappear into some christmas movies for it. but reviews, screw them, they never know what they are talking about!

[some-celebrity-stuffs]

Megan Fox

[naomiscvtt-deactivated20240502]

it might has its charm for a while, when you've been freezing cold for months and would like warmer weather, but there's nothing quite like the thrill of busting out the fall wardrobe and embracing all things cozy and spooky. it's like summer overstays its welcome, and we're just here waiting with our scarves and boots, ready to pounce when fall finally arrives! that idea is legendary. imagine the expressions on people's faces when they come to our pumpkin dino park? they'll be both amazed and slightly concerned about our dedication to authenticity.

[meganzfoxy]

having four seasons truly is the best. i mean, not only for the outfits but just because you don't get sick and tired of everything. trying my best to travel so i can live through all the seasons in a year. if i stay in LA it's just... heat or more heat. nothing quite as good as a good winter in aspen or fall season in colorado. listen, if people can't understand our devotion? they don't deserve to look at our gorgeous pumpkins. i mean, they will be great and if people think it's crazy? they are the crazy ones!

[sophietrnr]

what theme will you be going with this year ? i'm more so the type of person to drive through the neighborhood and look at the decorated house instead of decorating my own. much too lazy for all that. ugh, what a good choice. nothing like a classic. she's a legend so you're not wrong. how about when i'm back in la ??

[meganzfoxy]

i still have some things to settle on! but thinking classic, and not going like, barbie or oppenheimer which i feel the entire world will be doing. i want to make sure people look at my house and go, wow, that's unique. gotta be the best in the neighbourhood. when are you back girl?? waiting for our movie date!

[austinelvisbutler-deactivated20]

Oh, I certainly do. There's no denying that.

[meganzfoxy]

good. i mean, it would absolutely be terrible if i would have to remind you...