Letter to my Grandmother.
It has been a year sense you went home, I am still completely overwhelmed with how much I miss you, I still find myself crying and completely at a loss for how to deal with you not being here with me.
Then I realized that I talk to you everyday, and you are the voice in my head that calls “bull shit” on all my silly insecure thoughts that drive me insane.
I often wonder if you would be proud of the women I have become. The last year you were here, you were so sick, I was never sure if you were proud of how much I had grown up.
I was, at the time going through my biggest heart break, and so lost in my own selfish sorrow, I am not sure I every truly accepted that you were sick until it was to late.
Then I thought about it, and I know you would be proud, my “don't need anyone to take care of me” attitude I got from you, and here I am, taking care of myself, fighting my own battles, some I win and some and loose, but I know that you would be proud that I am strong enough, and confident enough to go it alone.
Life is pretty upside down right now, and I know you never really understood my anxiety attacks, (however it did not stop you from racing to the hospital at 3am to make sure I was alright) but they are pretty overwhelming right now, depression has gotten a little stronger as well, but I continue to fight it, I won't let it beat me.
I know your words would be “what have you got to be stressed about” followed by some old saying that you would mix the words up but would still manage to make sense, like “your sight will only improve if you stop and take the time to clean your glasses”.
I know that you would see me, working hard, taking care of myself, and trying to stay the sweet girl you helped raise, and be so proud.
I remember seeing your eyes, right before you closed them to this world forever, I saw so much love in your eyes, you loved me endlessly, and I still feel your love to this day. I love you back, just as much, and always will. Miss you.
Always and Forever Your
Peach
Sorry all for the sad emotional post, but its what I was feeling the most strongly at this time.
I plan on continuing my blog as open letters, open more up about myself, in a unconventional way.
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