mok character of all time. what if your entire sense of self was tied to your identity as a bodyguard, a protector and a servant, given shelter by the powerful because of what you can offer in return.
and then this boy loves you. not what you can do, not who you are to the family, but you. he wants you to be happy, he sees right through every front you put up, his desire for you runs so deep that it’s terrifying. not to mention how badly you love him.
but it’s not possible, it will never be possible, and that’s devastating but it’s also protective. if you can never have him you can never lose him. so you content yourself with a few stolen days out of the year and a distance which keeps you both safe even as it destroys you from the inside.
and you find that even when the barriers fall, when he offers you everything you want, you can’t take it. you can’t bring yourself to make that leap of faith from your current position, from the safety and certainty it offers.
and he’s left asking what it will take to have you. and you can’t answer him.
