in the permeable, moribund, ebbing realm of dreams.
the horse mutual 𓃗 fanart maker & fanfiction writer.
don't repost my art to other sites.
check pinned for all links and info 📜
i'm meiri/grigri/mares and this is mon antre de la bête
26 🫀 Bachelor of Fine Arts 🫀 Art History student and then some other ancient bullshit on the side
upper paleolithic franco-cantabrian parietal and portable art n°1 fan. most equine-behaved lesbian uncle.
blog contents:
video games fanart (expect gore/blood/scary & nonsexual nudity), the elusive Original Character, horseposting. anon-appointed "ceo of peterstakh"; very heavy burden to bear.
blog disclaimers:
> you can chill
> you can hang out
> unwarranted sexual comments/jokes/innuendos in the tags of my non-sexual art gets you fed to the dogs on sight
> you can hit my inbox if you're nice
> asking me about a ship or headcanon i've never shown either interest or disinterest in will get you "as long as it's legal and you're having fun you do you 🕊️ go with light" with peace and love #MONOTROPICLIFE
> you can use my art for avatars, profile pictures, etc, as long as credit is clearly given 👍
> you can eat grapes
> everything else banned or allowed. depends.
read my texts:
fics masterpost
on AO3 🫀 on neocities 🫀 on dreamwidth (one-shots only)
see my images:
on twitter 🫀 on neocities
hear my playlists:
playlists masterpost
buy my wares:
inprnt prints
ko-fi handmade linocut prints and ittybitty zines [closed for the summer 🌞]
I shall come, when my time does, to the crest-top of the Areopagos,
Hunted and pursued as I have hunted and pursued,
But punishment I'll take smiling, for I'll have come on a white horse.
Archangel Michael poses based on Van Der Weyden's Judgement Day Beaune altarpiece (1445-1450) and Raphael's Saint Michael Overthrowing the Demon (1518)
Erinyes based on 4th century BC Paestum vase and Jocelyn Herbert's costuming for Peter Hall's staging of Tony Harrison's transladaptation of the Oresteia :)
I shall come, when my time does, to the crest-top of the Areopagos,
Hunted and pursued as I have hunted and pursued,
But punishment I'll take smiling, for I'll have come on a white horse.
Archangel Michael poses based on Van Der Weyden's Judgement Day Beaune altarpiece (1445-1450) and Raphael's Saint Michael Overthrowing the Demon (1518)
Erinyes based on 4th century BC Paestum vase and Jocelyn Herbert's costuming for Peter Hall's staging of Tony Harrison's transladaptation of the Oresteia :)
still making my slow creeping crawling way through my stamatin vignettes and I keep adding more on top of those that have been languishing in the oubliettes of my notes. for this one they're horses. and that's just something they are.
pros of using a bunch of brushes including some I've never used before on a digital painting: yayyy variation and texture ☺️ yayyy texture and variation 🥰
cons of using a bunch of brushes including some I've never used before on a digital painting: this is, and I'm not fucking kidding, the fourth time now that I've gone through every single one of my brushes in both classic and updated library trying to recover one I've used on the background and that I can visibly see the texture of and it's like it doesn't even exist. like it deleted itself off the files once I was done using it for the background all those hours ago.
The way you speak makes me think you probably have adhd. I’ve only seen adhder speak like that. I like it.
-fellow adhd haver <3
so sorry for the disappointment my sibling In Cave I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me for ten years after being misdiagnosed with [secret thing] as a teenager and adhd is one thing I'm Not With Certainty But Still ruling out as I haven't had and still don't have some obvious symptoms that Make The Disorder however basically every other person who knows me (especially. if they've hung out with me irl) is convinced and has told me so that I have The Special Something which has A Lot Of Overlap With and is also routinely comorbid with adhd so.
i discovered your blog today while looking at cave art and such and i wanted to say that i really enjoy reading what you write on here, even if its about smth that im not familiar with (like pathologic), because you just have a very distinctive Voice and way of saying things that i find very pleasing to my brain
smiles so smeetly Welcome To The Cave Blog...... actually I don't want to get your hopes up because it Is a 85% pathologic blog these days (#monotropiclife) but☝️ I was already #NOTRIGHT about caves and cave art and the mother-earth spirituality hypothesis of western european cave art but it just so happened that my getting into patho coincided with me getting More into previously mentioned to create a truly Unstoppable Force of Pure unbridled Personal Living Earth Lore. I believe one of the reasons patho sank its paleolithic predator animal teeth and/or claws into me so bad is because The Myth Of The Cave Of The Origins And The Neolithic Revolution Of Symbols Everywhere For Those Who Have The Eyes To See so..... just know this all feeds any and all pathoposting. well Most of it. Thank You For Hanging Out Smiles Sweetly and tldr
Hello! I have a question 🙋♀️ What do you mean by birth canal? Is it related to how caves are often metaphors for wombs in art or something else altogether?
haiii 🙋 so it is one part of the whole thing, caves have been noted as having a womb-like Thing to them not just in art but also um. in general
(those are not painted caves, just normal caves. Well "normal" you know how Nutty Putty is. fun fact second one used to a sanctuary to Artemis, now is used as adjacent to a sanctuary to Mary-Magdelene, and women who want kids bring eggs or little figurines. we on some uterine shit)
but I mostly meant in mythology. okay so in cave art interpretation[grabs your ankle] stay here. this is interesting. so in cave art interpretation we're actually kind of stumped and we've been stumped for decades. the interpretations are many, but none is really truly fully applicable to all, or even to many, and the various interpretations come with seven billion caveats ("hunting magic" interpretation? -> likely not, because painted fauna ≠ hunted fauna *possible exception? southern african rock art, because there still exist hunter-gatherers who are carrying myths and memories associated with the rock art, but pre/proto-historic hunter-gatherers ≠ contemporary ones, but they're a good interpretative source still; "shamanic transe" interpretation? -> likely not, as we do have rock art done in shamanic transes such as in north america and they're very formally different from European cave art, and you likely would not have been able to draw with such attention to proportions etc while zoinked out of your gourd, but "not drawn in a shamanic transe" ≠ "not drawn in a shamanic context, or by a shaman, or within a shamanic society"...)
However☝️ one of the newer interpretations, which takes into account the placement of the figures[I am still holding you firmly not letting you leave], is that european cave art, at least in Some very prominent instances, could have been made in the context of a cosmogonic myth of Cave Of The Origins (cf. Jean-Loïc Le Quellec, who I'm sure I've mentioned before). okay now this is truly a Everything Looks Like A Nail situation. once you're mildly aware of this theory Everything Looks Like A Cave Of The Origins. it is one of the few basic foundational myths of humanities (basically of all the How Did We Get Here myths of all cultures, you have plenty, but they actually all derive from a handful of bases), that all creatures on earth were born of Hole In Ground. Hole In Ground is the primordial Mother of everything. (hence... one could say... the proliferation of Mother-Earth goddesses). as such, cave art in some instances COULD be articulated around the function of describing/transmitting/expressing the myth of Cave Of Origins/Mother Hole-In-Ground. And for context, what made me write the post is this 👇 general disposition of the Lascaux cave
looks fucked doesn't it. it's tears-pulling irl. anyways you're noticing the Passageway + the rocky crop, and that's we're focusing on. if I were to give my own interpretation of it. and it just an interpretation. fed by and built upon what I've already learned and read about both Lascaux and cave art as a whole. If I were to interpret it in a crazy way. and my sibling in Cave I'm insane. this is what I'd do of it.
I won't lie to you when you're in the Bull Room and you have the Passageway in your sights I will not lie to you that shit looking like () with a visible Hole where the rocky outcrop/upside-down/dead horse is I'm not lying. hence I why believe Some Level of Birth Canal symbolism could be true AND real in there. And I am building my case with in mind the interpretations, that scientists made from studying the order in which were painted the animal, that the animals are painted in order and with the attributes of the season of their heat period, meaning lascaux Could be a transcript/expression of a myth/story of the cycles of seasons, and as such life and rebirth.
I'll say it ☝️ I find it less Birth Canaly than Niaux, where the experience is truly like this
Michel Lorblanchet also mentions how the progression of the realism of the figures the closer you get the entrance of Pergouset cave leans to him credibility to the conceptualization of the cave as, if not a mother-type, some kind of "pre-life" state, where the further from the light creatures are the more amorphous, chimeric, "unfinished", etc they are, and become more and more realistic as they come close to the light/outside world, and this shift towards realism is marked by
That's right.
And where are you before you are born? There exactly.
Tldr
Oh my fucking god dude didn't mean to make it this long. but it was such a nice trip we took together isn't it :)
hi huge fan of your works # forever and i gotta say. i gotta sayyy. your kcd piece finally got me to play it… (remembers my priorities) peterstakh. pathologic 2/3 peterstakh even. how do stakhs friends react to his Very Normal and Not Concerning relationship with pyotr… do they know. are they even aware. will they ever find out. if they do find out does lara kill him in 20 different ways. do they kill grief in 20 different ways so the word doesn’t get out
hi sweet pea. thank you seven million years for your patience as i answer this a month and 20 days later. first of all Let's check out KCD. together. i still can't play games so i'm back to my usual of hogging playthroughs like they're my personal jesters amusing me. fool, fool, more moving pictures. show me the pebble at once. anyways let's focus on the important peterstakh matters. the importanrstakhers.
my first Dis Claimer is that i still haven't been able to go through all of P3. my first mitigation to that is It prolly doesn't matter since they literally haven't spoken to each other in any of the previous games so i am doubtful they'll start doing so now. except if my tasty peterstakh cellar stocks are being reheated in-game like was reheated my sigil placement on burakh 🤨 i fully jest.
okay so i'm going to put it under a read more because i just realized it's seven million years long. okay. happy peterstakh dimanche everyone
anyways Stakh's friends are aware. they are because it's not like he's particularly secretive about it. he doesn't go around screaming it on the rooftops, but he doesn't live in a terrible sexual shame at being with a man (he was in the army [p1 lore that i abide by]. he's way past hating himself for being into men Unlike Someone Unrelated), or terrible personal shame at being with that one in particular. he's already got so many targets painted on his back, you know? the town has not reached "i can excuse sodomy, but i draw the line at desecration of a corpse" level, but it's coming close. what's anyone gonna do? he's 206cm. he's 6'9" (the crowd giggles). he's not very muscular, but he's mildly intimidating-looking. he's killed people. he's interweaved in a web of violence and hurt that his association with peter Does Not Help Untangle, but barely tangles further too.
when shit starts hitting the fan with the twins, and everything spirals around their deeds, he gets pulled into the turmoil through this association, but not any more than would be, for example, Dankovsky, who has an ideological affiliation with the twins, whereas Stakh does not, and it is this great ideological divide that gets peter hot under the already-opened collar. stakh can, fully and honestly, say he has no attachment to the Tower, glass rose in the sky over Valdrada, it molded like a lead cap over the Bridge Square, and his only attachment is to the man who's created her, whereas Dankovsky cannot, cannot lie his away into detachment from the marvel, the miracle, the everything-thing, the dreamed realized and actualized and lived, the evil bloodmare, the infected splinter.
.
Lara is the first one to know. i don't see why she would attempt on either of their lives. by all means she's not. particularly Thrilled because petr's Not So Spotless Reputation Precedes Him. because stakh is associating with a man hunted down for murder, and by proxy with another one, meaner and nastier and who is seen wielding weapons and dealing pisstaste samogon and hashish and evil weed that makes you scared. so she's like "Are you sure are you fucking certain". but then he's like "... yes... (blushes)" and she's like Oh my god so it is true that the portraits these two guys paint steal the soul of whoever is painted because they replaced stakh's brain with a sweetiepie. but she comes to realize it's Him, despite everything, it's still [him], and she's like okay.......
she knew about the liking guys thing because She was still in the town all this time while burakh was seven gazillion kilometers away for all these years, so when stakh came back from the war with a bayonet scar on the forehead and the back of his neck and a blade-shock that made him stare into the distance, and he told her You Know I Found Out Something About Men In The Army she was like "huh. oh yeah my father told me about that. jokingly and praiselessly and with a hint of disgust. but i've heard of it."
she's most willing to keep her mouth about it, as with that earlier knowledge she has the context that Maybe Don't Go Screaming That Around. but also Stakh proves again and again he does not need her protection for that in particular. but for seven millions other problems yes.
so she personally Is at the I can excuse sodomy, but do not bring his bad vibes into my house level. i'll tell you something. lara has so much hurt and anger and hatred and grief inside of her heart. it's all-consuming. so i think the fact that stakh is with somewhat of an evil guy she's like I've Known Worse Evils.
.
Burakh finds out a bit later. this is because he's a bit thick in the head re:relationships and while he knows of the concept of homosexuality it didn't hit him that it could land on people he's very close to (and then, yknow. the specter of homosexuality after him like the plague alongside it whispering the same sweetnesses in his ears too). i go back and forth on whether i go with the burakh war medic lore but when i do He's Heard Of What Soldiers Go About With Each Other. so when he asks stakh "how did you... huh... figure that out" and stakh replies "i was in the army" deadpan he's like oooh right makes sense. but also burakh Was out of town for all these years, he left stakh long-haired and as far as he knew straight and he comes back he's gay and bald. the latter being possibly more shocking than the former.
burakh cannot tell him shit about fuck about being with that guy in particular. first of all because his... Associate is as close to peter as one can be without crossing The Last Frontier which is stakh's deal, so he can't fault stakh for his association, because he himself is associated by proxy. the barrier between himself and peter is one dude (dankovsky), and the barrier between stakh and peter is. technically and quite often also one dude but that's because he's been peter only friend since they were in the womb and he hasn't updated his world concept model to account for peter forging new kinds of affections for new people. no but for real the burakh -> peter interface is the living person of dankovsky, and the stakh -> peter interface is skin, and even that, because peter can And Will infuse dreams in which stakh can put his hand in the hollow between the meat his lungs #aww #couplegoals (the real ones know)
Burakh can ESPECIALLY not tell him shit about fuck because 1) as far as Bad Things A Man Can Do um. well Burakh is partaking in the ritualistic killing of women (p1 day 5 "Quivering Heart" quest, p2 day 9), killing of Kin people (p1 day 5 "Quivering Heart" quest other option), or killing regardless (any and all self-defense optional kills) so. possibly worse than romantically and sexually associating with that dude even if that dude is fuckeddd in the head 2) he and stakh are both aiming for gold in the Suicidalest Boyfriend Competition. and let's just say stakh is VERY competitive
burakh is like. "so are you happier [implied: with him]...?" and rubin is like "what? fucker i'm miserable, you're miserable, peter's miserable, dankovsky's miserable, andrey, bad grief, lara, we're all fucking miserable. what the fuck do you think is going on. have you looked around you the past 3 days. ... (blushes) but he makes me a bit less miserable." and burakh is like Oh my god please never blush again that's so fucking scary.
.
funnily enough i think bad Grief is the one who'd have more a problem with it. again he is on the "i can excuse sodomy" level he excuses sodomy. have i ever said on here i think bad Grief's bisexual? anyways bad Grief is bisexual to me. so he's fine with stakh's man-loving. he's fine with peter's man-loving. the fact that the man peter loves is an old friend of his is still a bit harder to swallow. not because he had any feelings to stakh but because he. okay so have i ever said on him i see he and andrey entangled in a sort of turf war over twyrine and drugs and weapons. andrey does not deal in weapons, bad grief does, but andrey knows his way around killing as much as bad Grief and his suite do. also Grief sells twyrine, and you know else who does? that's damn right, andrey. you know who praises Grief's twyrine? that's damn right, peter. peter, who andrey has all sorts of terrible feelings about being the primary supplier of his addiction material, but also his very protective behavior morphs terribly and uglily and selfishly into wanting to be the only one to get his brother his twyrine, because it gives him the illusion of mitigation of his brother's sinking. and another thing, you know how bad Grief's russian name, Гриф, means "vulture". and you know who i see as associated with vultures/bird of preys. that's fucking right, the twins in general, but andrey more in particular. anyways i think Grief and andrey have like. a thing..... of undistinguished nature. mostly andrey is like That Bitch Owes Me Moneyyyy and chases after him. they're wielding knives on each other and shittt. so when stakh comes out with Yeah this is the long-haired wizard who's cursed my cold hardened heart, Grief is like. there was not another dude you could fall for you moron. because now there's Double stamatins he has to deal with. and even if it's andrey who's after his ass [metaphorically](?) he's not too happy seeing peter there. like they have mirrored moles on the face and mirrored lateral incisor unilateral agenesis what's not to say andrey could not pass himself off as peter to come closer to Grief if stakh comes to visit to beat his ass by surprise. and stakh can be like Andrey would rather pull all of his teeth out than be in my company like that. and Grief is like Maybe that's what he wants to make you think☝
and even if through Grief The Rumor Come Out that stakh is with that guy what can anyone do. what could happen. the whole town knows andrey's bi, so i think people finding out peter is too is not surprising. it might heighten their disgust or mistrust or [...] of him, but for most, even Grief's suite, i think it'd be like. Huh well that would have been weirder if he wasn't. he and his brother, again, have mirrored this and that and the other, are almost perfectly same height and almost perfectly same weight, so i think people would be like "Yeah man i'd have guessed that myself. also bossman we kill people". same for stakh, where the combination of him towering over anyone so can barely be intimidated, his War Stare and his seven million other shit going on make people Least Interested in his sexual affairs. when shit starts hitting the fan with the twins, he's pulled into the turmoil through this association, but so is anyone else who knows them.
tldr: stakh tasting the saliva off that long-haired man's canines is the least of the vast majority of people's problems, because he's on that Evil Shadow Skull Shit regardless of whether he tastes the saliva off the teeth of a man, and opposite him are other people on that Evil Shadow Skull shit who are not tasting the saliva off that long-haired man's teeth specifically. but they might another.
