MAYBE WE'LL GET MARRIED ONE DAY.
Pairings: toxic fwb!daniela avanzini x fem!reader
Syn: everyone knows Daniela would rather die than admit she was wrong, but what if it goes too far?
Content tags/warnings: miscommunication, internalized homophobia, angst, no happy ending, fluff, but it only ends with sadness, open ending??
Notes: first time writing angst.. ughfhfh I hope I do well
It started off as something silly. A quirk, something that kept the fire going in you.
Daniela was a stubborn person, one to never admit defeat, even when it's called for. Pride too tall and mighty to be knocked down by a random argument with you. It all went too far , for you, and for her.
You were stupid, but you weren't naive.
The way Daniela came home with different smelling colognes. Her shirt was always a little messy, her air just slightly disheveled. But you noticed, you noticed everything about her.
That weird, offset dimple you called cute once and she never forgot, the way her hair would poof up into a crazy, uncontrollable mess if tampered with, and the way she'd seek out approval when she wasn't given any.
The arguments started small, food being stolen, things being misplaced. But bit by bit, trust was being taken in small portions.
What if's ran through your head more often, you felt like a paranoid freak, but how were you not supposed to?
Daniela's on and off with you, one week she's the most loving girl. Giving you presents unasked for just because 'it reminded me of you, baby'. Stolen glances from faraway, ones that spoke more than words ever could, small, subtle touches on your arm, that reassure you, everything's gonna be ok.
And then another week and she's the complete opposite.
She's accusing you of cheating with the friendly barista , from the coffee shop, down the street. She's yelling at you for the smallest inconveniences in her life, even if you never caused any of them.
All of these arguments, these hot and cold moments, build up to your resentment. You know you should communicate, but how can you? When Daniela makes it the most difficult task known to man.
She's always so far away, busy on tour and interviews. Never having time for you, despite making time for other people. And when she does, it's always for something trivial. Asking if she could borrow a jacket, maybe even stay at your apartment for a bit, just to charge.
What hurt was that she knew you always wanted something more than friends with her. The longing looks, the lingering touches, the loving kisses. You'd hope they'd amount to something more than a secret, something meant to be buried in memories.
It felt like you meant almost nothing to her, and when you try to bring it up? She shuts it down real quick.
Daniela comes into your apartment, unannounced.
It's been weeks, weeks of no contact. Weeks of being ignored, text messages left on delivered for hours, and seen for hours more.
Sometimes, it felt like you were a ghost with her.
Daniela says she misses you, in that sweet talking tone she uses to get out of trouble, gazing at you with the eyes you fell in love with, but you know the girl you loved isn't there.
"Sorry baby, didn't mean to worry you. Just got busy." You clench your jaw, you know she isn't busy, but everything seems to melt away once she has her hands on you.
"Promise I'll make it up to you one day, yeah?" Her lips find their way onto yours, and almost mechanically, she kisses you. It felt like kissing a ghost, physically, she was there, on top of you, hands on you, but you knew her mind was elsewhere.
You push her off, gently, but firmly. You didn't wanna redo the cycle again. She causes issues, she comes home, apologies, you both have sex and rinse and repeat.
It was overdone. And the talk, the one you've been dreading is long overdue.
"We need to talk." You feel the way Daniela rolls her eyes, even when she doesn't do it. You know when she's annoyed, cause you've tried this so many times, and it's always ended up poorly.
"About what exactly? I thought we were done with this."
"Done with what? Your shit? Cause I'm done putting up with it. You ghost me for weeks, then show up like you own the place? What's up with this shit?"
You feel Daniela's smirk, you know what she's thinking.
"You let me in anyway, doesn't that say something?"
"You tell me you love me one day and then the next you're asking me to drive you to your next date? What are we Daniela, what am I to you?"
The arguments feel rehearsed at this point. How much longer will this go on till you pull away?
"I told you already, y/n. You're my friend, I'm not..."
Daniela's breath hitches, just for a second, but you noticed.
It was barely a whisper, something almost inaudible.
You knew she'd say that, but every time she does, it hurt. It felt like an arrow piercing through your vulnerable heart.
You knew what she meant, she never wanted to be labeled as "gay". But was it a crime for you to want more? Was it so criminal for you to expect something out of this arrangement? Maybe, it was, to Daniela.
Maybe you read too deep into her sweet talk, maybe you expected too much from something that wasn't supposed to step out of Daniela's comfort zone.
"Yeah, you know... I'm just, not like that, y/n."
You knew, you knew it all too well.
You've been staring at the back of her hair for hours now, a random sitcom has been playing on the tv for what felt like years.
Your fingers are tangled up in her messy hair.
"You really have to take care of yourself, Dani."
You smile, almost to yourself. Daniela's head leaned into your inner thighs, her beaming smile looking straight at you.
"You always take care of me anyway, why do I need to when I have my baby here with me"
Your smile almost faltered, before you lightly smacked her shoulder. How were you not supposed to fall for her?
Her eyes glowed like the sun, her smile resembled the brightest star, her touch, soft as cashmere, her scent, you couldn't quite pin point what she smelt like, but she smelled like home.
Her embrace felt like the warmest hug on earth, pulling you closer, too close.
And being too close to the sun, always resulted in consequence.
The morning beams landed on Daniela's face, almost perfectly highlighting her most beautiful features.
You stare at her, longingly, you wonder, one day, maybe you will be something more.
Daniela woke up with a smile, her first sight in the morning being you. She liked to think you'd always be the first thing she'd see in the morning.
She ruffled your hair, messing with your already unkempt hair. She only giggles at your sarcastically grumpy face.
"You're adorable, you know?"
A light rose blush spreads across your cheeks, you realize you're too close to her face, and you bite your lip.
Daniela's eyes flickered from your lips, to your eyes simultaneously. Licking her softness.
You question. Daniela loved that you always asked before you did something, it showed you had the maturity for something long term.
And Daniela connected your lips together, and something sparked with both of you. Like an electric shock, permeating across both your bodies.
She tasted like a mix of cherries and something else, something potent, but nicely fused with her own taste.
You were soft, it felt like gliding through clouds as Daniela's kiss went on.
You both only pulled away for air.
You thought this was the start of something beautiful.
She thought the same, but something in the back of her head nagged her.
"You're seriously gonna say that, Daniela?"
Daniela looked down at her feet, almost guiltily, but you knew better than to trust your instincts anymore.
"You're gonna say that after everything?"
Daniela tried to take your hand into hers, trying to reassure you that she still.. had something for you. Something she'd rather not call feelings, but she knew they were.
You could say you were angry, surprised even. But you weren't, you expected this.
This was the scenario that plagued your mind for so long, the exact one you knew was bound to happen. But it hurts nonetheless.
Daniela, the girl you're inlove with, the girl who's been discussing a future with you, dismissing what you two are as friends. Saying she's straight, what? For the sake of her morals? You understand her, straight is what's correct in her mind, but you wish, you hoped you'd be able to change her mind. That she could love you, without the worries of anyone.
Maybe it was insanely stupid of you to fall inlove with her, but how could you not? If anyone knew the way she treated you behind closed doors , they'd fall inlove with her too.
Her tone was almost sincere, but her eyes said it all.
The regret, the love. She wanted to take your hands into hers and run away, far away. But everything she did with you felt sinful, felt wrong.
She wanted you, but without the repercussions of being inlove with a woman. Without the worries, the guilt, the commitment.
She tried to reach out to whatever part in you would believe her. Would stay with her.
Cause whatever part of her said you weren't worth the commitment. Also wanted you to stay. Because she's always wanted someone like you.
And maybe, she'll look for you in every one she seeks, and maybe, she'll realize she won't find someone who falls into her incomplete puzzle like you did.
Cause not only was she inlove with you, you were her bestfriend.
And possibly, something more.
tangentwithtanner
jacobvanloon
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turnnoffyourmind