Monkey Mayhem

New hire at Rainforest Cafe Macaques live in the rainforest, right? She/They | 21 Genus: Homo | Species: Variable

[melancholicmacaque]

I wanted to introduce the creature who inspired me to make this blog. I was attacked by this macaque approximately 3 years ago. I think about her every day. Thank you for not giving me rabies Ms. Macaque.

[melancholicmacaque]

“Scalpel”

Nurse hands him a scalpel. He goes ape shit and murders the whole er.

[scubadorge]

[ourakotagkoi]

baby Budi sleeping

[ekingston]

sometimes i say things on twitter and then make a little graph about it

[the-macintosh-system]

what does this mean

moot what does this mean

[a-sentient-cup]

[ren-acoelomate]

So is mickeys dick smasher the new terminology for an inverted bell curve

[readerofallsins]

@worldheritagepostorganization @hellsite-hall-of-fame

[melancholicmacaque]

[ourakotagkoi]

[monfarah]

Orangutans.

That's it. That's the post.

[melancholicmacaque]

@ornery-orangutan

This guy thinks you’re special

[melancholicmacaque]

[littletirnipboy]

Oh yeah? You’re supposed to be MY monkeys! Then what the hell were you doing at THEIR circus!?

[cannagracie]

monkey has been added to the doodling rotation <3

[hymen-restoration-project]

[melancholicmacaque]

This makes me have more respect for them. I’d be that stupid too if I was drunk all the time

[melancholicmacaque]

Talked in my graduate only seminar today and I was wrong

[ornery-orangutan]

MACAQUE DISS TRACK

@melancholicmacaque

Scary, you call me

But you smell like pee

And you got no flea

And you’re not half as cool as a chimpanzee

You don’t got no monkey mates

Ur tumblr, Ape Nation hates

Your contribution hardly rates,

You forget macaques are NOT the smartest primates

You are mean

I’ll rip out your spleen

No one has ever seen

A monkey so obscene

Fuck you, macaque

I’ll break your back

Show you what you lack

Eat you for a snack

I’m an orangutan, bitch

And I’m not afraid to snitch

Or leave you dead in a ditch

And— Oh!

*The zoo keeper gives me a banana. My tummy stops rumbling and i am no longer hangry.*

Nvm macaque

I want our friendship back

Your company is what i lack

We can share a snack ?

I have bananas and peas

And even some fleas

So if you’d please

Apologize to me’s

We can be friends again ? 🥺

[melancholicmacaque]

Hmmm. I’m not sure

You stick to me like a burr

I think I’ve gotten rid of you

Then back to me you transfer.

Stupid orangutan

I should send you back to Afghanistan

I’ll chop you up like the hatchet man

Faster than the tempo of the Can Can (180 bpm)

But BECAUSE I’m nice

I’m sorry for calling you mean

I was anxious because too much caffeine

Really, we work together like a machine

We go together like cytosine and guanine

I’ll accept your apology

As long as you share some bananas with me

And maybe

JUST maybe

Let me munch on a sweet, sweet flea.

[ornery-orangutan]

MACAQUE DISS TRACK

@melancholicmacaque

Scary, you call me

But you smell like pee

And you got no flea

And you’re not half as cool as a chimpanzee

You don’t got no monkey mates

Ur tumblr, Ape Nation hates

Your contribution hardly rates,

You forget macaques are NOT the smartest primates

You are mean

I’ll rip out your spleen

No one has ever seen

A monkey so obscene

Fuck you, macaque

I’ll break your back

Show you what you lack

Eat you for a snack

I’m an orangutan, bitch

And I’m not afraid to snitch

Or leave you dead in a ditch

And— Oh!

*The zoo keeper gives me a banana. My tummy stops rumbling and i am no longer hangry.*

Nvm macaque

I want our friendship back

Your company is what i lack

We can share a snack ?

I have bananas and peas

And even some fleas

So if you’d please

Apologize to me’s

We can be friends again ? 🥺

[melancholicmacaque]

Hmmm. I’m not sure

You stick to me like a burr

I think I’ve gotten rid of you

Then back to me you transfer.

Stupid orangutan

I should send you back to Afghanistan

I’ll chop you up like the hatchet man

Faster than the tempo of the Can Can (180 bpm)

But BECAUSE I’m nice

I’m sorry for calling you mean

I was anxious because too much caffeine

Really, we work together like a machine

We go together like cytosine and guanine

I’ll accept your apology

As long as you share some bananas with me

And maybe

JUST maybe

Let me munch on a sweet, sweet flea.

[melancholicmacaque]

Should I throw @ornery-orangutan in the IKEA mass monkey grave?