I just finished babysitting my friendās children, and she has most definitely mastered the no spanking/alternative discipline route. I always talk about taking it because I donāt believe in abusing children, but Iāve never personally seen it in action by a Black parent. Her children are 2 and 5 and they are the kindest, nicest toddlers Iāve ever met. They listen to her because sheās their mom and they automatically recognize sheās important and she gives them what they want (love and affection and rewards). In return they like to clean for her and give her artwork and cuddles all of the time.
To get them to listen to her, she makes sure to listen to them and what theyāve got to say instead of telling them to shut up all the time. The 5 year old asked her a few months ago why you canāt eat food that was on the floor after picking up food on the floor, and she explained it calmly and clearly. He asked 4 other questions after that and she answered all of them. He was satisfied and happy with the answers, and ever since he hasnāt done those things. She lets them gush and gush about Hot Wheels or Team Umizoomi and engages with them and counts with them and everything, so they never feel alone or neglected enough to not want to obey.
My friend lets them make mistakes by themselves on the rare chance they donāt listen so they can learn from them and let that be punishment enough. For example, the younger one weāve been telling not to go near the dog cage because he doesnāt like dogs. He went near it a while ago, got his hand licked, freaked out, and hasnāt been anywhere near it since. The board on the wall that she uses has a column for each boy horizontally, and vertically are all the traits she wants them to have, like being nice, listening to her and their teachers, eating their food, cleaning up, having manners, etc. They get a sticker whenever they do it for the day, and they lose all their stickers when they break a habit. Thatās enough punishment for them, so they donāt break it.
When they wake up, itās cleanup time, or bedtime, she plays what she calls āmusical habitsā. She puts on a playlist of their favorite songs (itās like 20-25 minutes) that make them feel motivated, and they should be finished getting ready or cleaning by the time the last song is over. If theyāre not, they get a toy from their toy bin taken away or an Oreo from their snack bag taken out (aka eaten by her). But she hasnāt ever gotten to that because they always finish. They donāt even like hearing the consequences lol. And I just wanted to say I really enjoyed seeing good parenting by a Black woman that wasnāt abusive or harmful to the childās development, it gave me inspiration and hope. Just had to talk about it somewhere.
izzy806
kaledo-art
theartofmadeline
jacobvanloon
